Challenged to Post, "Without Comment"

[It's been a minute since I wrote something here, but I thought I'd put this out there so I could easily reference it later should it become needed.]

Someone has challenged you over the next X days to post on some media platform pictures of:

 - Your favorite albums of all time.

 - The movies that were most influential on you.

 - The books could you read over and over.

 - The [some way of pretending to get random things] photo(s) on your phone. [1]

 - The food you blah blah blah . . . 

 - The place(s) you would yadda yadda yadda . . .

 - etc, etc, etc.

Let's be clear, I'm not opposed to these sorts of things.  I most likely am interested in what you might have to share.  After all, the reason we are ostensibly friends on whatever social media platform this is occurring on is because we both chose to be.  Thus, I probably care some amount about you and am interested at least on some level about who you are, what you care about, and other parts of you life.

But here's the supposed kicker, you have to post them, "without comment".  

Though I'm probably reading more dramatic emphasis into it than is really there, I always imagine it more like:

"I was challenged to post this, WITHOUT COMMENT!"  [Dum, dum, dummmmmmm!] [2]

But the question is, why?

Why wouldn't you comment?  What point is there to the whole thing if you don't comment?

Oh, here's some photo that seems important . . .

 . . .but I've no idea why.

Hey look, they like a movie that 90% of people like . . . 

 . . .  what a non-surprise.

They've read that famous book . . . 

. . . that millions of other people have read too.  

Complete non-shocker, and honestly, I don't care.

Of course if you were to comment then suddenly I do care.  Because now I know that the reason you picked that photo was because of [something meaningful and/or interesting].

Or maybe it wasn't.  Maybe you just like the way you look in that photo.  Or you just want to show the world your cute kid(s).

Maybe you just like that movie because of that one fight scene.  Or that one line.  Or because of that hot actor/actress is in it.  

And I suspect that's one of the real reasons people are so pleased to post "without comment".  Because they have nothing to say beyond, "I liked this."  Because their 10 things are completely banal and in truth uninteresting. 

A second reason is probably that after posting and commenting on 1 picture of their kid/dog/self/whatever that fulfills the requirement of this supposed challenge, they would really have nothing left to say on days 2 through 10.

A third reason, and most likely to most applicable is that people are lazy.

So, before I wrap this up.  Let me actually challenge you.

The next time someone "challenges" you to post pictures of whatever "without comment", I challenge you to completely ignore the lets 'o', 'u' and 't' in the word "without" and to post them WITH comments.

Because let's be honest.  One of the main reasons you accepted this "challenge" is that you were hoping people will think the things you picked are cool/interesting/say something about you, and/or that you want people to talk with you about it.  

There's nothing wrong with that, so skip the hoping someone will take the lame bait of a pic with no comments and start the conversation yourself.  

I for one will be way more likely to: 

 - pay attention

 - think about what you've posted for more than half a second

 - post a comment

And if the person who challenged you complains about your changing the rules, just reply to them with a link to this post.

Challenged to Post "Without Comment": D-

[1] - This is "Pretending to be random" because: A) if the randomly selected picture isn't something you want others to see; or B) isn't cool enough; or C) you really want to pick some other picture, we all know your just going to pick whatever you want.

[2] - That's a bad attempt at dramatic sounding music.

Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers

Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers:  Every since they opened up a location near my work, I have been itching to go eat at Freddy's.  Today I finally managed to do it.

Early inquiries to others that had already been there generally garnered responses that were something akin to: "It's a lot like Steak & Shake."

It's not.

I personally find Steak & Shakes burgers to be pretty mediocre.  So much so that on the rare occasion that I do end up at a Steak & Shake, I don't order one. [1]

Freddy's burgers are nothing like Steak & Shakes.  Which isn't to say that they are better (or worse really) but more to say that they are a completely different brand of mediocre.

The meat in my burger had been smooshed so thin as to be essentially non-existent.  I didn't pay attention to exact amount of meat promised me, but whatever amount it was they got every millimeter of surface area out of that they could.  Much like the picture on the menu promises, the meat did hang over the edges of the bun by a substantial amount.  I'd rather they had taken that extra inch in circumference and added back onto the burger proper.

The fries at Freddy's were very similar to S&S.  Personally I am not a fan of shoestring fries.  So, I didn't find them to be that enticing, but if you do like ultra thin fries, these seemed to be of a serviceable variety.

Near the counter where you pick up your food, they had dispensers of "Freddy's Fry Sauce".  It is a vaguely pink/orange color that tasted to me like mayonnaise with a very small amount of ketchup in it.  Much less ketchup than your typical "special sauce" or thousand island dressing.  So it was really kind of just mayonnaise.  Which was okay.  But then again I like mayonnaise a lot.  However, it certainly wasn't anything that I need to rush out and get again.

I opted to switch out my drink for a shake made with their much touted frozen custard.  I got the chocolate variety.  When it first arrived, it was so thick that even the straw provided was insufficient to get any of it to my mouth.  And that is saying something as the straw they give you is nearly half an inch wide. [2]  A half hour later, after my meal, when I got back to my place of work, it was just starting to be drinkable.

The ultra-thickness of the shake was not itself necessarily a negative.  I'm fine with eating my shake by using the straw like a spoon if needed.  But the flavor was again, nothing to right home about.  It was completely ordinary.  Which given the rest of the meal was what I thought might save the entire Freddy's experience.  Because let's be honest, the real reason you go to Steak & Shake is the shakes.

The atmosphere at the restaurant wasn't great.  Nobody looked like they were having a good time or enjoying themselves.  This includes the employees and the patrons. [3]

As for the price, it was pretty high.  I got the number 1 combo, swapping a shake for the coke and it cost nearly $12.  For $12 I could have gone to Cheeseburger Bobby's and had a fantastic burger, great fries, a drink and a shake/sundae that was superior as well.

Freddy's slogan is "The taste that brings you back."

Not likely. [4]

Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers: C-

[1] - I often get a patty melt.
[2] - And yes, I measured it.
[3] - It was kind of like what I imagine the waiting room to purgatory is like.
[4] - Alternate ended to this post:  Freddy's slogan is "The taste that brings you back."   Add the words "to Cheeseburger Bobby's" to that and it's true.

Arby's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

Arby's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich: 

Arby's has a buffalo chicken sandwich and I have a quest to find the best spicy chicken sandwich in the world. [1]  Thus there was nothing I could do except head out to the land of America's Roast Beef [2] and not order roast beef.

When I was young, McDonald's had a McChicken Sandwich that I loved. [3]  This was before they offered Chicken McNuggets. [4]  The patty on the sandwich was coated in the same goodness that the McNugget would later get.  In fact if you took the McNugget that is generally round shaped [5] and increased its size and thickness proportionately until it was bun sized you would pretty much have it exactly.  You had to be very careful when you ate it because if it had just come out of the fryer [6] you were very likely to burn the ever-lovin' out of your tongue or to scald off the roof of your mouth. [7]

Though Arby's chicken sandwiches [8] as shown on the posters in the store look all bumpy and textured so as to make you think they might have actually come straight off some chicken's breast, the one I got was as flat as a pancake and bore a more than striking resemblance to that old McChicken patty.

Somewhere behind the counter they must have a vat of buffalo sauce and when you order the sandwich they much drop your selection in said vat and let it swim around for a minute or two. Which is just a really wordy way of saying that the patty on my sandwich was drenched and dripping in buffalo sauce.  Something, that when I initially saw it, I thought was a good thing.

The bun was different than Arby's usual bun, but if there was a taste difference to it, I couldn't tell you about it. [9]  There was also the obligatory smattering of shredded lettuce and some kind of white sauce.  The website says it is: "Parmesan Peppercorn Ranch Sauce".  I do remember there being one bite where for the briefest of moments I tasted something other than buffalo sauce, but the memory, like the flavor, is fleeting.

Honestly the whole thing tasted just fine.  It wasn't that spicy, but if you like buffalo sauce [10] this sandwich has it in spades.  Which is really where the problem lies.

My original intention was to eat the sandwich as I drove to my next destination.  I had purchased my food inside [11] and I'd opened the carton on my lap in preparation of heading on.  I was preparing to take my first bite before putting the car in reverse when the literal slipperiness of the situation became evident.

Remember, we have a flat as a pancake chicken patty slathered in an ocean of buffalo sauce with only a few shreds of lettuce and tiny dollop of white sauce to slow it down. [12]

In one bite my hand's (both of 'em) were covered in sauce.  That's because you have to use both hands to keep the patty from escaping the bun.  Take one hand off to get a napkin and that sucker is out of there like a greased pig flinging lettuce shreds as it moves. [13]

When I finished, there was enough sauce in the carton that I could have covered my potato cakes in them as well. [14]  It took two napkins and two baby wipes to get my hands close to clean.

This is not a sandwich to be eaten in a moving vehicle.

In the end it's too messy and not spicy enough for me to ever care to order it again.  [15]

Arby's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich: B-

[1] - You can read about it here.
[2] - Yes, Sir!
[3] - Yes, I know that they still have a McChicken sandwich, but the thing has gone through so many incarnations and reinventions that they are probably on the McChicken Mark XXII at this point.
[4] - There's a story that goes with this, but while this is the place, this isn't the time.
[5] - You were aware that all McNuggets come in one of three shapes weren't you?
[6] - Oh yes, it was cooked in the same grease as the french fries.  I told you it was good, didn't I?
[7] - You might be wondering what all this has to do with Arby's.  I'll get there.  I promise.
[8] - See, told you I'd get there.
[9] -  A lake of buffalo sauce defeats the subtle nuances of bread variations.
[10] - And if you don't, then why in the world did you order this sandwich?
[11] - The line at the drive through was ridiculously long.  Also the planet appreciates it when you turn the car off instead of idling.
[12] - I've never seen a buffalo sauce Slip 'n Slide, but I'm pretty sure I know exactly what it would look like.
[13] - This analogy has gotten a bit weird.
[14] - If I hadn't already eaten them first.  What? Did you think I was a savage?
[15] - Chick-Fil-A's Spicy Chicken Sandwich still reigns supreme.

Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts

Frosted Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts:

Several months ago I happened to be surfing around the Interwebs and I came across a page talking about the next year's upcoming new Pop-Tart flavors.  Though I haven't mentioned it much, I eat quite a lot of Pop-Tarts [1]   Needless to say, I was quite excited.

Amongst the new flavors was the subject of this blog: Frosted Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts.

I was immediately both completely intrigued and terrified.   This had the potential to be something mind-blowingly delicious or completely disgusting.

I couldn't wait to try them.

Fast forward through the holiday season [2] and into the new year and much to my joy and chagrin there they were on the shelf at my local Publix.  I immediately snatched up a box with glee.

When I showed them to the Pook, she declared without hesitation that it sounded disgusting and that she would not be trying them.  The Bear and the Bean both declined any future tastings as well.

At this point my expectations were running a bit high.  I wanted this to either be the most amazing or most disgusting thing I'd eaten in forever. [3]

If they were going to be good, I imagined them tasting mostly like maple candy.  A strong, sweet syrupy taste that would be delightful and in the background, not too strong, but strong enough not to be missed, would be a smoky bacon flavor.

If they were going to be bad, it would make me want to vomit.

Either way would have been fine with me.

A few days later on Monday morning, I was driving to work with the package on the seat beside me ready to be consumed. [4]

The minute you open a pack your immediate area is completely filled with the overpowering smell of maple.  Okay, to be more specific I should say the overpowering smell of fake maple scent.  But it smelled good!  My stomach growled in excitement.  My brain gave up its last reservation and got on board.

I pulled a tart from the pouch and took a bite.

Sadly the strong fake maple scent is as close to anything maple that these breakfast treats [5] have to offer.

It's hard to say exacctly what they taste like.  They're a bit like a cookie, but not really a sweet cookie.  Nevertheless they also taste a bit like sugar, but not that sugary.  Sort of cake-y but not.  They're kind of like those cookies your grandmother used to give you that when you were done eating left you thinking, "Why did I bother?"

Which is to say that the initial flavor of the Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts didn't offend me, but they didn't excite me either.  The first flavor was completely and totally, 'meh'.

But then once you've swallowed and the food is out of your mouth, the second wave of FAKE BACON FLAVOR comes crashing onto your pallet. [6]

Imagine a bottle of stale Bacos.

Now imagine it being worse than that.

Now take it two steps further.

You're just about there.

The first problem here is that this is not a flavor that goes with breakfast.

The second problem is that it tastes bad.

Okay.  You're right.  The first problem is the bad taste.  It's all moot from there.

And then after a few seconds, that flavor is gone too and you're left with an empty mouth, an empty heart and most of the rest of a Maple Bacon Pop-Tart to choke down.

After a few more experimental nibbles, I discovered that if you just ate the thing continuously without stop, you never give the FAKE BACON FLAVOR a chance to come crashing down on you.  That is, until you finish the pop-tart and then all of it comes hammering on your brain in an ultra-concentrated wave of BAD.

Deciding only half a breakfast was better than continuing on, I declined to eat the second tart in the pouch.

A few days later I gave away the rest of the box to a bunch of teenagers.  They mostly agreed with me.

Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts: D+

[1] - Don't judge me.
[2] - Gingerbread Pop-Tarts ftw
[3] - Possibly since those Mussels.
[4] - I had to wait for Monday.  Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for cereal!
[5] - Maybe calling it a "treat" is going a bit too far.
[6] - The ALL CAPS is intentional.  Because that's how this flavor is.  It's in all-caps as it demands your attention.

Chex Cereals

Chex Cereals:

For various reasons, we're going to cover all of the current Chex cereals in one post. [1]  We will also be leaving out the 6,000 varieties of Chex Mix. [2]

If you somehow don't know what I'm talking about when I say Chex then you should really get out of your bed more often and/or watch something on TV that has commercials. [3]

Visually all of the Chex are the same: little crispy squares of interlaced grains, vaguely pillow shaped [4] so they can hold milk.

With one exception they all have the quick to soggy problem of many grain cereals.  They aren't as bad as corn flakes, but you'd still better not dally once the milk hits the bowl.

The Varieties:

Corn/Rice Chex: I realize that these are two different varieties of Chex and thus might deserve two different grades, but let's be honest, besides the name and a slight color variation these two are interchangeable and otherwise identical.  They don't taste bad, but then again they don't really taste like much of anything.  They are also the quickest to turn to mush in your bowl.

They also come in a box larger than your average cereal box.  This might seem like a boon, but after you've eaten five bowls and are now sick of them, the box will sit and mock you from the pantry shelf for the next six months until you finally overcome the potential guilt and just  throw them away.

Corn/Rice Chex: B- [5]

Wheat Chex: Wheat Chex is the exception to the "Chex gets soggy quick in milk" rule.  They will eventually lose a bit of their rough edges, but unless you go off and watch a Peter Jackson movie between pouring the milk and eating, they will maintain crispiness throughout.

They taste pretty good.  Their taste improves significantly if you sprinkle just a bit of sugar on them. [6]  I honestly buy them pretty regularly.

Speaking of regular, you want to be careful about how much Wheat Chex you eat.  Alternately, if you decide to finish off the box in a few consecutive sittings, I would suggest not straying too far from your favorite toilet.  Too much Wheat Chex will clean you out like a freight train through your bowels. [7]

Wheat Chex: B

Honey Nut Chex: This is the dirty trick of Chex varieties.  They promise to be so much more, but then fail to deliver. [8]

Honey Nut Chex [calling from cereal aisle shelf]: Mr. Customer! Buy me!  I am sweet and delicious.  I have nuts.  I have honey.  I am so different from these other plain varieties.  You must buy me!
Me: Um.  Isn't that what you said last time?
HNC: No, that wasn't me.  That was Crispix.
Me: Are you sure.
HNC: I promise.  Think of the honey.  Think of the nuts.  Think of the children.
Me: Okay

The next morning you discover once again that you've been fooled into buying a box of Corn Chex in which the cereal has a light coating of something that makes it glisten slightly before it gets wet.  Once the milk hits them the truth is revealed and both the you and the Chex are sad.

Honey Nut Chex: C- 

Vanilla Chex: A relative newcomer to the Chex Universe, Vanilla Chex  rode in on the heels of Chocolate Chex [see below] and made it's bid for glory.  Alas it bid too low.  They are not bad, but not good enough to ever bother buying unless the store is out of Chocolate Chex.

Vanilla Chex: C+

Chocolate Chex: They is where the goodness lies.  Chocolate Chex are good stuff.  Chex covered in cocoa powder and other chocolate-y type goodness.  But they don't coat every piece.  No they leave about a third uncovered and normal.  That way you can still feel like you are eating a "good for you" cereal.

They are good with milk and they are good by the handful straight out of the box.  In fact, I usually end up eating them both ways since once you're done with a bowl of them, you wanna have more. [9]

Chocolate Chex: A

Cinnamon Chex: I must admit to having failed you in my quest to fully educate you about Chex.  I actually have never tried these.  I think cinnamon flavored things are okay, but the flavor doesn't really excite me terribly.  Thus, I have never bothered to buy these, though there were two or three times when I thought more than ten seconds about it, but then I bought Chocolate Chex. [10]

Chex on Amazon Cinnamon Chex: ??

Chex Clusters - Fruit and Oat: While thinking about writing this post, I discovered online that they now also have a new variety of Chex.  Once I see them on a shelf, I'll buy some and update this post.

Chex Clusters: ??

Past Varieties: Doing some research on the Interwebs [11] I found out that there are several past varieties of Chex that have come and gone.  Most of them I had never heard of, [12]  but I do remember Frosted Chex.  Not well enough to grade them, but enough to visualize the box in my head.

I have clear memories of Bran Chex.  If Wheat Chex is a freight train, then Bran Chex was Grand Central Station with all lines running. [13]  Also it tasted worse than Wheat Chex, so I'm not surprised it went away.

Finally, I have a memory of a Chex cereal that had little bits of nuts, brown sugar or other crunchy type goodness hanging off of each piece of cereal.  I don't recognize any of the list of Ex-Chex types as what I am remembering, maybe it was the Honey Graham Chex.  I just remember liking it. [14]

Chex Cereals: B+

[1] - Not the least of which is that I'm lazy.  Also, other reasons that should be evident as you read.  Also, if you haven't already read it, here's a really old post about Cereal in general you can read.
[2] - I'm also not commenting on the Gluten Free Chex Oatmeal, because Oatmeal is nasty.
[3] - And not just the same two commercials you get on Hulu during any given stretch of time
[4] - Couch not bed.
[5] - They probably scored a little higher than you might have thought given the commentary, but they are redeemed in part because of Muddy Buddies
[6] - That wasn't a joke saying you should pour a ton of sugar on them, really just a light sprinkle is sufficient.
[7] - Don't say I didn't warn you.
[8] - I feel compelled to tell you, before you read the next exchange, that for reasons I cannot explain the box of Honey Nut Checks in the vignette speaks with a French accent.
[9] BONUS: Looking for a great late night snack?  Put them in a bowl and cover them with a generous amount of lite Cool Whip.  Give a very light mix and enjoy.  Delicious and relatively lo-cal.  You can send me a thank you letter in the morning.
[10] - Why not buy both, you ask?  If I'm going to spend that much money, I'll just buy another box of Chocolate Chex.  Or maybe a Wheat Chex if the mood strikes me.
[11] - By which I mean Wikipedia.
[12] - Wheat and Raisin Chex?  Strawberry Chex?
[13] - Or was that visualization a little too much?
[14] - It's probably also why Honey Nut Chex still manages to sucker me once a year or so.

Crispix

Crispix: 

I have memories of when Crispix was first introduced as a cereal.

I remember the original commercial and the jingle and the slogan [1]

I remember getting the cereal not long thereafter;

And I have fond memories of eating it and truly enjoying its crispy goodness and flavor.

. .

Memories lie.

Crispix was on sale recently so I bought some.  When I got around to opening it [2] I was greeted with familiar sights and smells.  Crispix has that unique hexagon shape.  Which, let's face it, is completely there so that you don't start thinking it is Chex.  And it smelled just like I remembered.

After the milk was poured I dug in.

The flavor was okay.  Nothing to write home about but nothing I will ever long for.

In my memories Crispix is crunchy, but has some body to it.  There is some substance to each little bit.

In reality, each one has about the same thickness and substance as two corn flakes.

But the real travesty is that while they are crispy right out of the box and they are crispy when the milk is poured, that is a condition that lasts for approximately five seconds after that.

It's time for a new slogan. [3]

Crispix: C

[1] - "Kellog's Crispix is crispy times two."
[2] - Likely the next morning, but possibly that night.
[3] - "Kellog's Crispix is crispy for two [seconds]."

 

Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch

Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal:

There are several different varieties of Cap’n Crunch and to be sure I’ve tried them all.  Except for a brief, unrepeated stint in my early years, I’ve never been a huge fan of the peanut butter flavor and I found the Chocolate Crunch to be unappetizing, but all of the other varieties grace my bowl from time to time. [1]

Given all of that, you might have thought that when I and the family entered our local Target and saw the Cap’n’s newest offering I would have been eager with anticipation, but it wasn’t like that at all.

Somehow the idea of the already sugary sweet Cap’n Crunch being combined with frosted donuts seemed to take things much too far. [2] 

The Pook wasn’t nearby while the Bear and I made our initial opinions.  As I’ve already said, I was immediately a ‘no go’ on this one, but after gazing at the box the Bear looked up at me and said, “Let’s get it!”

Using a time honored and proven strategy passed down from generations, I immediately said, “Let’s see what mom says.”  I was semi-sure that she would be as put off by the whole thing as I was.  However, when she wheeled the Bean up to us in the red target buggy and saw giant display of the cereal in question she immediately said, “Let’s get it!”

That evening, though dinner had long past and breakfast was but a distant memory, the Bear asked if he could have a snack.  When told that he could, he asked if he could have some of the new donut cereal.[3]  And thus we broke into the box.

The cereal is more akin to Quaker “Oh’s” than Cap’n Crunch.  Each bit is shaped like a small donut and they definitely lives up to their name and are very crunchy.  In fact it is one of the few cereals that benefits from sitting for a few seconds so that it can soak up some of the milk and soften a bit.[4]

There are in fact, tiny sprinkles on each of the rings, though honestly I don’t know that they provide any real flavor to the dish.  They do have the unfortunate side effect of coloring your milk.  Usually I’m all for colored milk, but because the sprinkles are a variety of colors the end result is a kind of gray with a slight blue tint that does not look appetizing at all. [5]

And what about the flavor you ask?

Surprisingly they are downright tasty.  The four of us ate over half of the box that night eating the cereal dry right out of the box.  It makes for a great snack when eaten that way.

The next morning I had it for breakfast with milk and it is equally tasty eaten in the traditional manner.  Again it strongly reminds me of “Oh’s” in its flavor as well has shape and texture.

In fact, since it was on sale and tasted so good that the Pook went back to Target that day and bought two more boxes.

Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch: A-

[1] – To be completely honest, in recent years I have found the Crunch Berries and Oops! All Berries to be too sugary sweet and thus I pretty much only eat the regular Cap’n Crunch at this point.

[2] – My stomach actually gave a little squirch of distaste as I gazed at the purple box.

[3] – Because cereal is by no means just for breakfast.

[4] – As opposed to most cereals which are of the “eat fast before it sogs” variety.

[5] – Of course, I never drink the milk from regular Cap’n Crunch either as it is so sugary sweet it promises an instant case of diabetes

Spaghettle Noodies

Spaghettle Noodies:

I was picking up the boys after work today.  Because it's election day, the Bear was out of Kindergarten and he got to spend the day with the lady who watches the Bean and used to watch him for day care.  As we were getting ready to leave, the topic of dinner came up.  I had previously mentioned making spaghetti a few days before and the Bear was trying to tell me that's what he wanted for dinner.

In case I haven't mentioned it before, the Bear is incredibly articulate for a five year old.  He has no problem speaking and the only words he regularly mispronounces are the ones that we haven't told him he's saying wrong because it's just too darn cute. [1]

Only on this occasion his brain got kerfuttled [2] and he spoonerized [3] the words.  Only it was one of those occasions where as you're speaking you know it's coming out wrong but you can't stop it and attempts to fix it just make it worse.

If you want to hear someone else discussing it, go look up "Brian Regan take luck" on youtube.  Or just click this link [4].

At any rate, despite the Bear's best efforts otherwise, all he could manage to say was "Spaghettle Noodies"[5] over and over again.  He kept trying to say something else, with many false starts and stops, but to no avail.

Having been the victim myself of such mental malfunctions many time in the past, I immediately started laughing.  The Bear's old day-care Nana, could only make out what sounds like "Nudies" and simply stared at him.  It was good times.

Fast forward to us getting home and making dinner.  The Pook is in full school play costume mode and is away slaving over a sewing machine, so it was just the men in the kitchen

The Bear helped me make the spaghetti sauce [6] and then once the noodles were done it was time to eat.

I don't know if you've ever eaten spaghetti with a two-year old and a five year old, but in case you haven't let me illuminate you as to a crucial fact or two.

The possibility that the two year old will not end up with sauce on every part of his being is so remote as to be non-existent.  The five year old has better odds, but they're still nothing you'd want to take to Vegas. Thus you'd better be prepared to clean up afterwards and if they are wearing any clothes you want to remain unstained with red sauce you'd better remove them prior to the event.[7]  

And thus it was that the Bean was promptly stripped down to his diaper and the Bear was told to take off his shirt.

I sat down myself, but in the short span of time it had taken me to go from seating the Bean, to the counter to pick up my plate and back to the table, he'd already painted his portion of the town red.  So, I promptly stood back up and took off my own shirt. [8]

So there we three sat, happily munching on [9] our pasta.

And as I looked around the table at our various states of undress, I thought:

Spaghettle Noodies it is.

Spaghettle Noodies: A+

[1] - Like Pretzel.  He still calls them Prentzels and we're okay with that.
[2] - Technical term
[3] - An actual linguistic term, as opposed to kerfuttled.
[4] - Any of the first two videos have the clip.  But do yourself a favor and listen to the longer one, because Brian Regan is hilarious.  Or if stand-up turned into a Coke ad is more your speed, click this.
[5] - Prounced "Spag-ettle" and "New-dees"
[6] - Yes, I make my own sauce.  It doesn't take that long and it tastes way better than anything from a jar.  If you ask nice, maybe I'll give you the recipe.
[7] - In truth, the Bear likes his with no sauce and just butter and Parmesan cheese, but not surprisingly it doesn't really cut down on the mess that much.
[8] - After all it's a fool that doesn't take his own advice.
[9] - And in the Bean's case, wearing.

Coffee

Coffee:

Our country seems obsessed with coffee.  There is a coffee house on every corner and many times there's another between those.  The Pook loves the stuff. [1]  You can find it every where.  If a business only gives away one free drink you can bet that drink is coffee.  You get it free when you stay at a hotel, get your oil changed or talk to just about any type of professional.  The bulk of half an aisle in every large grocery stores is devoted to the stuff and yet I think it tastes like sewage.

It's just straight up nasty.

And please don't write me and try to sway me to join the coffee legion with one of these lines:

"But if you tried brand X coffee you would like it."

"You've got to prepare it right.  If you put enough Y and Z in it, it is [insert your favorite high praise adjective here]."

"It's an acquired taste."

Please, do me a favor. [2]

I've tried coffee many times.  It's so prevalent in society that every few years I thinks to myself, "Maybe it's changed.  Maybe I've changed.  I'll try it again."  So I do and then I spend the next five minutes shuddering.

I've tried lots of brands, styles and flavors.  They all smell wonderful.  That's the nasty trick of coffee. It smells divine.  If you catch me when I'm pushing the buggy down that aisle in Publix you'll see me breathing deeply.  The aroma is just so good.

Then you taste it.  If you get a good brand, or a one that has good flavors, that first second can be pretty good, even down right tasty.  Then the back end of the flavor hits your taste buds and it tastes like, to steal a phrase from the Pook, "liquid butt." [3]

Long ago before coffee was everywhere, they used to make coffee flavored ice cream that wasn't actually made with coffee.  If I had to guess, I would say it probably had as much to do with coffee as a hand grenade.  Anyway, that ice cream tasted like the first half of the flavor of coffee.  I rather enjoyed that ice cream.

Now, in the interest of authenticity, coffee flavored ice cream is made with real coffee and thus includes the horrible bad taste that comes after the good. [4]

So to all of you who swear I would like it if I just tried Brand X, unless your coffee is made with something other than coffee, don't waste my time.

As for the, 'you've got to prepare it right' people, I've heard this one many times too.  Someone once told me this, "If you put enough cream and sugar in it, you can hardly taste the coffee."  If you've got to add enough other things to mask the drink's flavor, why are you drinking it?

But just so we're 100% clear here, even if your "cup of coffee" is actually half cream and a quarter sugar, you may completely kill off the first 'good' half of the flavor of coffee, but that nasty after taste is always still there.

And if you are drinking it for the caffeine, in this day and age there are plenty of other better tasting places to get your fix.

Last we come to the "It's an acquired taste."

What kind of stupid argument is that?

I'm willing to bet earthworms, mountain oysters and pickled dung are acquired tastes too, but I don't see too many people doing what it takes to become a fan of them on Facebook.

Why force yourself to drink something that you think tastes bad just so one day you can fool your brain into liking it?

I know.  I know.  I'm in the minority here.  The planet's already been brainwashed and coffee is king. Long live the king.  Just don't expect me drink it.

Coffee: D+ [5]

[1] - Not quite as much as me, but it seems a close second at times.
[2] - Not really, it's a British phrase.
[3] - It's how she describes grapefruit.
[4] - Oh well, I'll stick with mint chocolate chip.  The kind with the big chips if you please.
[5] - The smell keeps me from giving it an "F".

RC Cola

RC Cola: I know what you are thinking.  RC Cola?  Who even sells [1] that stuff any more?

I just finished spending a week in Cincinnati and at the end of the week I was lucky enough to go see game 5 of the Kelly Cup [2] playoffs.  Strangely when I went to get a drink at the concession stand at the U.S. Bank Arena [3] I was confronted with an unexpected set of choices.  There was no Coke. There was no Pepsi.  There was only RC.

In case you don't know RC Cola stands for Royal Crown Cola and actually has a pretty interesting back story.

If, like me, you were asked to name a cola that started in Georgia, the only possible answer would be Coca-Cola.  But RC Cola also started here. [4]  In 1903 Claud Hatcher's grocery store was selling a sizable amount of Coke and thought that his orders to Coca-Cola were large enough that he deserved a discount.  Coke disagreed and Hatcher cancelled his orders to Coke and told them they would regret it.  He then went into the basement of his store and developed his own beverage and the name of that product was: Royal Crown Ginger Ale. [5]

He went on to develop a couple of other flavors as well [6] before finally getting around to creating RC Cola.  Though I'm not sure that Coke ever got around to regretting not giving Hatcher a discount, Hatcher did manage to make what is basically the ignored third wheel in the cola wars. [7]

The RC line does have a few highlights in it.  They were the first company to sell soda in a can.  And they were also the first to sell soda in an aluminum can.  The Pook was a big fan of Diet Rite for a while, but that was when it was one of the few colas to be made with Splenda. [8]  For me you can't do much better than the commercials for RC 100. [9]  The commercials had lots of things with numbers on them shrinking down to zero (a bathroom scale being the one I remember best).  Anyway, it was catchy enough that to this day it doesn't take much to get me to start singing the whole thing. [10]

As for the actual RC Cola?

It pretty much starts out mostly flat and finishes the journey in record time.  I only drank half of mine at the hockey game.

RC Cola: C-

[1] - Never mind buys
[2] - That's the ECHL championship.  Yes I realize it is minor league hockey and yes I realize that I could have seen the actual Stanley cup playoffs the same night, but the Stanley Cup was on TV and this was live.
[3] - Home of the Cincinnati Cyclones.
[4] - In Columbus Georgia to be specific.
[5] - Yeah, I didn't see that coming either.
[6] - Strawberry and Root Beer
[7] - It's kind of like if Cain and Abel had a third brother named Brian that really didn't ever do anything of note and thus wasn't mentioned.
[8] - She quit buying it once Coke released Diet Coke w/ Splenda.  (Ooh, twist the knife.)
[9] - I never actually drank the soda.
[10] - RC 100's got nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.  No sugar and no caffeine.

Mussels

Mussels:   In previous attempts in the arena of mussel consumption, I have been less than thrilled with the outcome.  However, the Pook really loves them and when she saw them on sale while we were grocery shopping, she declared that she was buying some and if I didn't want them I could eat something else.

Conceptually I've always rather liked mussels [1] and from time to time I like to give things that I haven't liked in the past a new try, just in case my taste buds have changed their mind.  Also, there's the whole "setting a good example for the kids" thing.

So, today when she made them, I dutifully sat down to dinner and gave them a new try.

When the Bear saw the bowl of linguine and mussels he said very matter-of-factly, "I'm not eating that ever."

I pulled the little bit of meat out of the shell and gave it a sniff.  It smelled neither good or bad. [2]

With the best of hopes and intentions, I popped it into my mouth and gave it a chew.

Initially the flavor was not too far from that of fried clams (minus the fried and adding in a LOT of salt).

I gave it a few more chews and the next wave of flavor came.  It wasn't what I would normally seek out as it was quite a bit "fishier" than the seafood things I usually like, but it wasn't bad.  Okay, I thought, mussels are better than they used to be.

Then the next wave hit me.

Remember when you were a kid and you ate something so nasty you would literally try to scrape it off your tongue?

I found that mainlining chocolate syrup helped a bit.

The Bear found the whole thing quite amusing.

The Pook got a double helping of mussels.

Mussels: F

[1] - I don't know why, but I suspect the Squeeze song is partly to blame.
[2] - Which I took as a good sign.

Hot Dogs

Hot Dogs: As I am writing this, tomorrow is national hot dog day [1], so I thought I would give you my opinions about hot dogs.

As a general rule, hot dogs are awesome. [2]

Actually, as any kind of rule, general, specific, major or corporal, hot dogs are awesome.

I like them with various and sundry toppings and I like them plain.  I like the kosher ones that have that bit of twang to them and I like the plain old non-kosher kind.  I like them made of beef, pork or made of whatever combination of bits of meat leftovers go into making the really cheap kind.

Simply put, hot dogs is good eating.

I'm not really sure why they are called hot dogs.  I get the hot part [3], but why the dog?  Gut reaction says perhaps it has something to do with Dachshunds, also known as wiener dogs, but then again I also think they are called wiener dogs because they look like hot dogs.  Thus they can't both be named after each other. [4]

Hang on, I'll check the interweb . . . grumble grumble . . . the things I do . . . [searching].

So it appears they were originally called Dachshund sausages and in 1901 a fellow making a cartoon about them being sold at the New York Polo Grounds couldn't figure out how to spell Hot Dachshund Sausages[5], so he just wrote Hot Dogs.  In other words, he was too lazy to do a little research [6] and thereby changed the course of history.

I like hot dogs enough that I did some consumer research a few years back and tried nearly every kind I could get my hands on.  For my taste, you can do no finer than the plain Publix brand hot dogs.
Believe me, I was doubtful at first too, but my research says you can waste your money buying expensive all-beef high falootin [7] dogs that don't taste as good or you can save some cash and get what tastes best. [8]

If you want to blow your diet and eat your entire calorie and fat intake for the day, you can get these giant hot dogs from Sam's [9] that are made by "Best". [10]  They aren't foot long dogs, but they are easily the size of three or four regular dogs put together and they are awesome.

As much as I love hot dogs, I usually don't order them when I go out to eat.  Mainly because I always feel like they should be priced cheaper.  At any rate, that means I don't really have a hot dog restaurant recommendation for you.

I've had them at Five Guys and at Quik Trip and both are plenty good.  But if you are at Five Guys and not getting a burger, you've kind of failed.  And if you're at Quik Trip and surfing the rolling grillers for grub [11], there are other more tasty things to buy [12]  I also recently had one in the Magic Kingdom at Casey's Corner, if you care enough you can see my review of that here.

If anyone knows of an amazingly awesome hot dog eatery, please let me know.  But before someone mentions this one, I know of Brandi's but have somehow managed to fail at eating there.  Perhaps I'll go there tomorrow to celebrate the holiday. [13]

Though, if you want to save a buck, "like" Quik Trip on Face Book and search through their posts from today.  They will email you a coupon for a free hot dog that is good tomorrow only.  And just in case you haven't been in a QT recently, they have a "hot dog bar" where you can put all kinds of stuff on your dog. [14]

Whenever I think about hot dogs and there composition of potentially mystery meat, I always think of this anecdote from my younger days.  So I'll leave you with it.

My younger and brother and I would often rush home from school to watch some afternoon cartoons. [15]  On one day we were channel surfing looking for something to watch and we stumbled on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.  I've never been a huge fan of the show [16] but as it happens it was just at the point of this episode where the bicycle delivery guy was delivering a movie.  So, we stopped surfing to watch.

The film was about how hot dogs were made.  In retrospect, I have no idea how any sane TV producer thought this was a good idea.  The film showed them grinding up meat into a pink paste that more than resembled off-color Pepto.[17]  Then it showed a automated system where limp hot dog casings were squirted full of the stuff.  It was perhaps they most disgusting thing I'd ever seen up to that time in my life. [18]  It literally made your skin crawl.

Well the film ended and my brother and I sat in disturbed silence contemplating what we'd seen.  After a moment he broke the silence by saying, "I'm never eating another hot dog again."  I pondered for a moment and then replied, "Meh, I love hot dogs too much."

Hot Dogs: A+

[1] - July 23 to be specific.  Which may in fact be today, yesterday or some time in the past for you.  If you follow the instructions on the right side of the page on how to follow this blog, you could get notified the instant there is a new post.  And honestly, wouldn't that be better?
[2] - You might think that having given you my opinion, this post would essentially be over.  I think we both know that's not gonna happen.
[3] - Though for the record, cold hot dogs are might tasty too.
[4] - Barring some sort of incident involving a time machine that is.
[5] - God bless spell check.
[6] - Why does that sound familiar?
[7] - Technical term.
[8] - In my opinion anyway.
[9] - And possibly other similar stores
[10] - Honestly I forget the exact name of the hot dogs, just look for the retardedly large ones made by the company "Best".
[11] - Have you stooped so low?
[12] - Buffalo Chicken Rollers and the Jalapeno Sausage to name two.  Clearly, I have stooped.
[13] - Such as it is.
[14] - Sonic is also having a hot dog sale tomorrow.  $1 each for some (but not all) of their dogs.
[15] - Back in the days when cartoons only came on a few hours in the weekday afternoon and Saturday mornings.  To think we were so deprived.
[16] - That's a bit of an understatement, but that's a post for another day.
[17] - Actually it's possible the film was in black and white and that my mind has filled in details that weren't there, but that's memory for you.
[18] - I'm a father of two boys.  That has been beaten before and will surely get beaten again.

Orange Juice

Orange Juice: I like orange juice. Anyone who sees me in the morning on a regular basis can tell you that I drink it nearly every day.  And I don't have one brand that I am sworn to defend with a fiery passion. [1]  Mostly I just buy whatever type is on sale. [2]

The thing about orange juice that I find so odd is how different it all tastes.  There must be thirty different brands of OJ available for sale and every one of them tastes different.  And they all claim to be made from 100% orange juice [3].  So you might think they would all taste the same.

But they don't.

I assume this must be because they are made from various types of oranges.  My question then is why don't they advertise this?  They try to make everything else about the juice such a big deal, why not the type of orange?

The thing is, I bet most people can name two, maybe three types of oranges.  Give it a shot.  I'll wait.

[Idle humming.]

Let's see, you named Valencia and Navel and that's it. [4]  For the record your other options are Moro (or Blood) and Cara Cara.  Except the thing is that Cara Cara's are just a type of navel orange that is a little pinker inside. [5]

Anyway, that's nearly my point.  If I'm Sunkist, Simply Orange or Nature's Own[6], I'm clearly not winning any market share by hyping how fast I'm getting the oranges from the tree to your juice glass. [7]  I need something to set my product apart from the rest.  That's when I start saying my juice is made with "Nature's Goddess" oranges.  Or maybe "Divine Nectar" oranges. [8]

The things is, and I'm 100% guessing here.  I bet they can't say that because the orange juice they are making probably comes from 100 different groves scattered around the country or state during the year and some of them are supplementing with oranges from groves scattered around the world in the off season.

Which brings me back to my original point.  If all that is true, how do they all manage to taste so different?  Or does 100% not actually mean what it used to?

Also, as long as I'm ranting, [9]  What's with all the random sub-varieties?  Tropicana's website boast 14 varieties of orange juice.  Fourteen varieties!  Who needs this much selection in their orange juice?

Let's see among other choices there's, low pulp, no pulp, high pulp [10], and extra Calcium and Vitamin D.  What's that all about anyway?  It's like orange juice realized it had a lock on the Vitamin C market and decided it needed to branch out.  Milk was taking a hit with all of the lactose intolerance out there, so OJ decided to muscle in on its territory.

Finally, I'd like to end by bringing back to mind this product:

Donald Duck Orange Juice.

That's right, Donald has his own brand of juice.  It's been around forever and somehow survives selling orange juice that still comes in a tiny can.  Why Donald Duck exactly?  Got me.  I mean, nothing says refreshing breakfast drink to me like a duck with no pants.  Am I right?

Orange Juice: A-

[1] - If we were talking cereal that would be another matter altogether.
[2] - And since lately we shop a lot at Aldi, that means Aldi brand.
[3] - Possibly from concentrate.
[4] - Florida and Sunkist, while in the realm of things "orange" are not actually types of oranges.  And to the person who said grapefruit, you aren't even trying.
[5] - It seems I know a bit too much about oranges.
[6] - Maybe that's actually a bread company but whatever.
[7] - Because nothing makes me thirstier than the image of a dirty work gloves manhandling an orange juice box.
[8] - Before you mock too hard, I invite you to do some research on "Rich Corinthian Leather".
[9] - And I think I now am.
[10] - For people who like to chew their morning beverage.

Disney Food

Here, in one giant post, is a grade for all of the food we ate on the Disney trip.

Each entry tells:  the food I ate (what restaurant I got it at/where that restaurant can be found) a brief review, and then the grade.

Day 1 Breakfast:
Chocolate Peanut Butter Pop-Tart, (the box of pop-tarts/my hotel room): cheap breakfast for the win.

Pop-Tart: B-

Day 1 Lunch:
Reuben Stromboli w/ Caesar Salad, (Pop Century Restaurant/Pop Century Resort): I like a Reuben [1].  I like a stromboli.  Seems like the two together should be a pretty tasty combination.  The crust had a few random holes in it, so that when you bit into the stromboli, thousand island dressing would come oozing out the holes like some kind of food world gunshot wound.  It made things kind of messy, but overall it tasted fine.  The Caesar salad was awesome. [2]

Reuben Stromboli: B-
Caesar Salad: A

Day 1 Dinner:
Buffet (Crystal Palace/The Magic Kingdom): The food was okay and forgettable.  I had several different things, but all I can remember is boiled shrimp w/ cocktail sauce, some kind of roast meat [3], paella and a cucumber salad.  There was more but like I said, it was forgettable.  There was a buffet full of desserts too: chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, lemon tarts, key lime tarts, tiny cheese cakes, apple cobbler and more. The best part was that they had Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger walking around and meeting folks.  You could get your pick with them and such.  The Bear gave Piglet and Pooh a hug.  He gave Eeyore and Tigger a wide berth.

Buffet Food: B-
Buffet Dinner: B+
Wandering Pooh Characters: A- [B if you're the Bear.]  

Day 2 Breakfast:
Same as Day 1

Day 2 Lunch:
Fish and Chips (Yorkshire Fish Shop/Epcot Center [UK pavilion]): The fish was fully covered in greasy fried goodness.  The chips [4] were fat and hot.  There was tarter sauce, but no cocktail sauce. [5]  For dessert you got a giant sugar cookie.  There was also a squad of ducks pandering for castoffs.  They got quite a few chips from us before we noticed the "Don't feed the ducks" sign.

Fish: A+
Chips: A-
Sugar Cookie: B+

Day 2 Dinner:
Roasted Chicken w/ Potatoes (The Chefs de France/Epcot Center [French pavilion]): Though we arrived early, we got seated pretty quickly.  There were only about four options and while I'm not too particular, my actual choices that I was willing to choose from were pretty small.  French Onion Soup for an appetizer.  It was awesome.  As good as the French Onion Soup I had in Paris. [6]  The Pook and I debated asking if we could cancel our main dishes and just have more soup.  Baked chicken with potatoes and a smattering of gravy and broccoli.  The chicken was fine.  It was pretty good for chicken, but then it was chicken so, meh.  The potatoes were actually quite tasty.  I'm not one to go gaga over potatoes, but I actually quite enjoyed these.  The gravy was great, but like most "fine dining" restaurants you didn't get nearly enough of it.  The broccoli was whatever.  For dessert I had profiteroles.  Basically, small puffs of pastry with vanilla ice cream between them, doused with chocolate sauce.  I seriously debated getting the chocolate mousse but the waiter recommended these.  They were quite tasty, but I really love me a chocolate mousse and afterward I wished I had gotten it. [7]

French Onion Soup: A++
Baked Chicken: B-
Potatoes: B+
Broccoli: C+
Profiteroles: A-

Day 3-5 Breakfast:
Cherry Cheese Danish (Pop Century Restaurant/Pop Century Resort): It was the size of a 45. [8]  And so awesome I had it every morning for the rest of the trip.  The Bear got a Pain au Chocolat, which is essentially a flaky croissant type of roll with chocolate chips and chocolate sauce in it.  He took the tiniest of nibbles and declared he didn't like it. [9] So the Pook and I finished it off for him. [10]

Cherry Cheese Danish: A
Pain au Chocolat: A-

Day 3 Lunch:
Barbecue ribs (Flame Tree Barbecue/Animal Kingdom): I know, there's something contrary to eating ribs in a park all about animals, but hey they were right tasty and I really appreciated them.  Our guide book told us to eat here and it was not wrong.  The ribs, as stated, were excellent.  It came with some coleslaw that was sub-par, some baked beans that were awesome and for desert the Pook and I decided to split between us a Chocolate Mousse and a Key Lime Pie [11].  However, after we each had tasted both, I ate all the rest of the Mousse and she had all the rest of the Key Lime.  Which wasn't unusual at all for me (cause Chocolate Mousse is awesome) but was strange for her since she usually is anti-tart desserts in general and anti-Key Lime Pie in specific.

Ribs: A-
Coleslaw: C- (I didn't even finish mine.)
Beans: A
Chocolate Mousse: A+

Day 3 Dinner:
African Buffet (Boma/Animal Kingdom Lodge): I will admit from the outset that I wasn't really looking forward to this meal.  I wasn't dreading it or anything, but I had a strong suspicion that I wasn't going to enjoy it too terribly much.  The restaurant "Boma" has a buffet of various dishes that are supposed to either be African in origin or at least African influenced.  There were four different meats.  I found two of them (chicken and something else that I've already forgotten) to be just meh.  The beef was okay and the pork was quite tasty.  There were four different soups, but I only had one of them.  It was essentially a spicy chicken soup akin to chicken tortilla sans the tortilla.  The other three soups were non-starters [12].

Then there were a variety of side things.  I tried a little of this and that.  The guide book recommended the watermelon rind salad, so I took some of that.  But the one bit I put in my mouth didn't stay there very long.  It tasted nothing like what you would think watermelon rind salad should taste like and everything like bad.  I tried to spit it out without the Bear noticing.  Nothing else was memorable enough to remember.

There were again a bunch of desserts.  The highlight for me was the Kenyan Coffee Tarts and as I usually can't stand coffee that was odd.  The Bear ate chocolate chip cookies and wished for ice cream.

Boma buffet overall: B-
Watermelon Rind Salad: F
Chicken Soup: B+
Kenyan Coffee Tarts: A-

Day 4 Lunch:
BBQ Hot Dog (Casey's Corner/Magic Kingdom): There was a bun.  It was much bigger than your average hot dog bun.  There was a giant pile of coleslaw and there was a giant pile of pulled pork barbecue.  I suppose there must have been a hot dog in there somewhere, but you certainly couldn't taste it.  Don't get me wrong, the barbecue was right tasty, but I was craving a good dog.  I should have got the chili cheese dog that the Pook ordered.  It was the same giant bun but with a lake of chili and cheese.  Either way it came with a pile of fries too.  The fries were average.

For dessert I got a brownie which was prepackaged and okay in its own prepackaged brownie kind of way.  The Bear and the Pook got cotton candy. [13]

BBQ Hot Dog: B+ [14]
Fries: B
Brownie: B
Cotton Candy: A

Day 4 Dinner:
Chili Nachos (Pop Century Restaurant/Pop Century Resort): Our dining plan only paid for five dinners, so we had to slum it for one dinner.  We decided to go cheap and eat at the hotel. [15]  I had the nachos even though they looked kind of weird.  But the menu board said the were homemade chips so I gave them a try.  They came with ample amounts of the usual assortment of nacho toppings.  When I got to the table I found that they were not nacho chips at all, but instead homemade potato chips.  Which was strange but okay.  The biggest problem is that they were seasoned with something that made them taste like barbecue potato chips.  That was kind of off putting.  So once I ran out of nacho toppings, I quit eating the chips.  We may have had some kind of dessert, but I'm drawing a blank.

Chili "Nachos": B-

Day 5 Lunch:
Pizza Bread (Pop Century Restaurant/Pop Century Resort): Just as we only had five prepaid dinners, we also only had five prepaid lunches.  So after spending a hot morning/early afternoon at Disney's Hollywood Studios we went back to the hotel for lunch.  Judging by how often everyone else ordered it, the hot dish at the restaurant was the Pizza Bread.  It came from the same line that my Stromboli from day one did.  It was pretty standard french bread, sauce, cheese and pepperoni.  As an added bonus, it came with the same Caesar side salad as the Stromboli as well. Only this time the salad was not nearly so good.  The service however was just as bad as the first day.  This time there were two ladies, one of which was leaving and thus couldn't be bothered to do more than a minimal amount and the girl just coming on shift who clearly didn't like the girl leaving telling her what to do and thus took it out on us customers by sucking at her job.

On the plus side, after lunch we got giant ice cream sundaes from the ice cream counter.  Mine had mint chocolate chip and chocolate ice cream, toffee, chocolate fudge, cherries and two gummy worms that I have to the Bear.

Pizza Bread: B
Caesar Salad: B-
Ice Cream Sundae: A

Day 5 Dinner:
Ohana Dinner Buffet (Ohana/Polynesian Resort): You start off with a salad that has honey-lime dressing [16], pork dumplings and chicken wings.  Then for the main course you get some noodles, stir-fried vegetables and all you can eat pork, beef, chicken and shrimp that have been cooked on their giant grill.  The waiters bring the meat around on skewers much like a Brazilian restaurant and give you all you want.  The salad was okay as were the wings.  But as I didn't want to fill up on them, I didn't each much of them.  The dumplings were awesome, even though they had honey drizzled on them.  I think I ate four.  The noodles were no good, too much of some seasoning for my taste.  The Pook said she thought it was ginger.  The vegetables were standard.  Of the meats, the first round of meats we got were hot and juicy and awesome.  The second round were mostly overcooked and not so awesome..  The shrimp are giant and unpeeled.  I must have eaten twelve or so.

For dessert there was a bread pudding with vanilla ice cream and a banana caramel sauce.  I'm not usually a big fan of things with bananas cooked in them or of bread pudding.  Nevertheless the Pook and I finished the whole thing and all of the Bear's leavings. [17]  I contemplated pouring the remainder of the caramel sauce straight into my mouth, but ultimately restrained my self.

Perhaps the worst part of the experience was the "floor show".  A Hawaiian lady gathered all of the kids and had them do a race around the restaurant with brooms and coconuts.  Then she taught everyone a Hula Dance.  Both of which were fine.  Her condescending demeanor however made the whole thing seem annoying and interruptive. [18]

Honey-Lime Salad: B-
Chicken Wings: C+
Pork Dumplings: A-
Noodles: D+
Stir Fried Vegetables: C
Pork the first time: A
Pork the second time: B-
Beef the first time: A-
Beef the second time: C+
Chicken the first time: B+ [19]
Shrimp Every Time: A+
Bread Pudding with Ice Cream and Banana Caramel Sauce: A++


Day 6 Lunch:
Quiche Lorraine (Boulangerie Patisserie/Epcot Center [French Pavilion]): I got the Quiche Lorraine [20] and the Pook got a ham, cheese and bechamel on a baguette sandwich and then we went halfsies.  The quiche was very good.  The sandwich was okay.  For dessert I got a chocolate tart.  It was amazingly good.  Though a tad large because by the end I was a little over done with the chocolaty goodness.

Quiche Lorraine: B+
Ham Sammie French Style: B-
Chocolate Tart: A

Day 6 Dinner:
Pork Chop (Akershus[21]/Epcot Center [Norwegian Pavilion]): The Pook had fond memories of this restaurant from when she had eaten here with her parents as a kid.  Among other things was the memory of butter pats pressed into Mickey shapes.  Sadly the butter pats were gone, but they've been replaced with a lot of princesses.

For an "appetizer" you can eat all that you want off of their appetizer buffet.  The buffet has enough on it that you don't actually need to order anything else.  I had salami, muenster cheese, salad, cucumber salad, and several other things that I no longer remember.

My main course was a pork chop with lingonberry sauce, potato casserole, and asparagus.  The pork chop was the size of my head and a bit over cooked to my taste.  When it is served anywhere else in the south, the potato casserole would have been called hash brown casserole, but nevertheless was pretty standard.  The asparagus were grilled and as good as you could ask asparagus to be.

For dessert you weren't given a choice.  Instead they brought you a plate with Chocolate Mousse Cake, Apple Cake and Rice Pudding.  The Chocolate Mousse cake was as good as the words chocolate mousse profess it to be.  The apple cake was a bit dry and thick.  Even though rice pudding is evil, I dutifully tried a tiny bit.  I think I only shuddered once.

The real draw of this restaurant is that it is filled with Disney Princesses.  You get your picture taken with Belle when you first enter [22] and then Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Mary Poppins all wander around the room chatting with everyone and getting their pictures taken.  The Bear wanted nothing to do with any of them.  Pook got her picture taken with all of them. [23]

Appetizer Buffet: B
Pork Chop: B
Potato Casserole: B
Asparagus: B
Chocolate Mousse Cake: A
Apple Cake: C+
Rice Pudding: D-

Well there you have it.  Way too much info on the food that we ate.  If you bothered to read this far, give yourself a pat on the back.  I'm gonna go see if I can find anything close to a chocolate mousse.


[1] - In case you don't know, a Reuben is corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing, usually on rye bread.
[2] - The service at the counter that prepared the food was horrendous.  The guy taking orders had the short term memory of a goldfish.  The next day I saw him cleaning off tables.  Just sayin'.
[3] - The kind where a guy dressed like a chef (but who actually had nothing to do with cooking the food) slices you off a bit of the whole and lays it on your plate with his knife and two pronged fork thing.
[4] - French fries to you unwashed heathens.
[5] - There was ketchup too, but I'm not much of a fan of ketchup.
[6] - Actually I had French Onion Soup several times in Paris.  Most days it was great, but on some days it wasn't that good.
[7] - When the Pook and I went to Paris, I had chocolate mousse just about every meal as well.  Much like the French Onion Soup, it was a varied experience.  The one I had the first night was to die for.  The one I had the last night was no better than Jello Pudding.
[8] - The record, not the hand gun.
[9] - Leave it to my son to turn down chocolate for breakfast.
[10] - We went back to the room and got a Pop-Tart for him.
[11] - Technically it wasn't a "pie" but a cup of Key Lime Pie goodness.
[12] - Curry soup, coconut soup and butternut squash.  No thank you.
[13] - Blue and pink respectively.
[14] - Probably would get a higher rating if I were to have it knowing to expect BBQ and not so much hot dog.
[15] - Which was good because dinner at the hotel was about $30.  Dinner at any of the other places we went too would have been between $120 and $150.
[16] - The dressing doesn't sound right to me.  I could have sworn it had pear in the name, but that's what the website says.
[17] - He just had ice cream with Mickey Mouse sprinkles.  But he wasn't feeling very good and we could let the ice cream just go to waste could we?
[18] - Which is a word that I just made up and doesn't at all mean the same thing as annoying, except for a bit.
[19] - I didn't have the chicken a second time, but the Pook said it was just as overdone.
[20] - Ham and cheese quiche.
[21] - Gesundheit
[22] - They give you a big picture and several smaller prints for free.  Well, not free but the price is included in your meal.
[23] - Later the Bear got his picture taken with some snails we found on a ledge.  He was quite excited by that.

Okra

Okra:   What can I say about okra that hasn't been said 100 times before.  Probably not much, but here goes nonetheless.

Whoever the first brave soul was that upon seeing an okra pod and after more than likely making a quick mental analogy between the okra and an insect cocoon still went on to say, "I think I can eat that", I salute you. [1]

Especially since they then busted open that okra pod and found out that it was completely full of small white beads that remind you of moth balls and snot.  And they still went on to eat it. [2]

I want to like okra.  Really I do.  But okra tries so hard to make you not like it.

First of all it's green.  I mean really green in a way that other vegetables don't quite manage.  It's green like a plump grasshopper.  [3]  The green-ness calms down a bit when you cook it, but of course that just amps up some of the other problems, like the fore mentioned snot.

This stuff is straight up gross.  Dang yo, that's like six kinds of nasty. [4]  I know I keep making the snot reference but it is so perfectly apropos.  Okra innards are simultaneously exceedingly sticky and super slickery.   You would think cooking the okra would break it down and make the stuff dissolve, but all it does is make it worse.  Because the water or soup or gumbo or whatever it is the okra is cooked in does thin out the snot, but at the same time it just makes the whole thing a bigger bunch of thinner snot that is still just as slickery. [5]

To be honest I'm surprised that somebody hasn't made a trillion dollars my making some kind of adhesive based on okra snot.  Heck, you could even call it that. [6]

Even if there's enough other things in whatever it is you're eating that you can no longer taste or feel the okra scum, it's still there.  Then after you are done eating your bowl of gumbo or whatever, you are left with a weird film coating the inside of your mouth that you try real hard not to think about.

And again, there's still those odd mini-moth balls that I haven't even talked about.

Taste-wise, okra's pretty meh.  It's not offensive, but it's not something to write home about either. [7]  However, it does somehow imbue an entirely different flavor into the other things it's cooked with.  So, while the actual okra in gumbo don't seem to have any real flavor at all, making gumbo without okra would be a fail.

Of course I suspect the vast majority of okra is consumed in the traditional southern manner anyway.  Battered, fried and dunked in a sauce or dressing that completely hides the okra all together.  Which, is really just fine with me.  Because while okra is meh.  Ranch dressing is awesome.

Okra: C

p.s. - Here's an update that is being written before this post was even posted!  How's that for service!

There are now Okra Chips.  They are evidently freeze dried okra cut into slices and meant to be a "healthy" snack.  I cannot express how nasty that sounds.  But I am will to bet that even the freeze dried chips still have that wonderful okra snot sensation.

[1] - Man was that a sentence.  Please to excuse the inevitable bad punctuation.
[2] - Desperation or inspiration, I'm not sure which.
[3] - And be honest, if you busted an okra pod open and found a grasshopper inside would you really be surprised at all?
[4] - Hat tip to Dave Kellett there.  He's brilliant.  Have you read all of Sheldon?  I have.  http://sheldoncomics.com/archive/090208.html
[5] - You know I'm not exaggerating at all.
[6] - Move over Gorilla Glue, now there's Okra Snot!  Sticks to everything!  Except perhaps televangelists.
[7] - Dear Mom, Okra is pretty blah.  With love, your son.

Henry's Louisiana Grill

Henry's Louisiana Grill:  If you like Cajun/Creole food at all, go to this restaurant right now.  Seriously, stop reading this blog.  Get in your car and go.  It is that good.

Why are you still reading this?  Large portions of amazingly good food for a fairly cheap price.  What more do you want?

Go now!

For the record the Pook and I had between us:

Shrimp Creole
Red Beans and Rice
Jalapeno Hush Puppies
Corn Bread (w/ Jalapenos)
A side salad with Blue Cheese dressing and Blue Cheese Crumbles.

See, even the side salad was worth mentioning.

Seriously.  Go! Now!

As soon as we find some money and someone to watch the kids, we're going back.

Henry's Louisiana Grill: A+

Spicy Chicken Sandwiches

There was a time in my life, about ten years ago, when my craving for a great spicy chicken sandwich suddenly became too big to ignore.  Thus, assuming my body knew what it was talking about, I set out to find the best spicy chicken sandwich I could.

As fate would have it, at that time just about every fast food restaurant had a spicy chicken sandwich to offer. [1] At the time I was working at a place that was in Atlanta and generally near several big business areas, so I had no problem getting to most of my options.  To fulfill my quest I then set out to methodically visit every restaurant that was offering what could potentially be my culinary holy grail.

Here then are the results of that endeavor.  Granted it has been quite a few years and I may have forgotten some of the finer details, but the final results are, I assure you, accurate. [2]

Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: I started with Wendy's because I thought this could possibly be the beginning and the ending of my quest.  After all, the commercials at the time showed people eating the sandwich and melting hockey rinks!  I made my first pilgrimage to the house of Dave. [3]

The chicken itself was of good thickness and looked nearly as good as the advertisements.  Much to my surprise Wendy's offering was anything but acceptable.  The sandwich had some spice to it, so you could taste a flavor difference, but it had little to no actual heat to it.  It was a fine piece of chicken, but it was about as spicy as my grandmother. I was completely let down.

Checkers Spicy Chicken Sandwich: There wasn't a Checkers near my job, so one day I traveled to a suitable Checkers that was about halfway between work and home.  Like most of Checkers food the sandwich was cheap, so I bought two.

It comes on a standard Checkers' bun which was fine.  There was the smallest dab of mayo on both sandwiches.  Just enough that when you bit the bite that would contain the exact center of the sandwich you might notice it. [4]  And there were a couple shreds of lettuce put there almost as an afterthought.  The chicken itself was a cheap thin patty with sad breading on the outside.

Unfortunately, there was again no spicy.  In fact, both of the sandwiches were so not spicy I came to the conclusion that they must have gotten my order wrong and given me plain chicken sandwiches.  For those of you unaware of how Checkers works, it is essentially a drive through only, so by the time all of this was discovered, I was miles away.

I was in fact so convinced that this must be the case, that I went back a few days later and ordered two more spicy chicken sandwiches.  This time being sure to carefully enunciate and confirm my order.  Sadly, the comestibles I got were just as completely unspicy as the last pair. Complete failure.

KFC's Zinger Chicken Strip Sandwich: KFC had recently come out with a range of chicken sandwiches.  They were not actually chicken patties, but instead they would put three of their chicken strips on the bun and dress them up in different ways.  Included in this series was a sandwich with spicy zinger sauce on it.

The sandwich itself was actually one of the better chicken sandwiches you could get at the time.  It had a good bun, lots of lettuce and nice piece of tomato.  And because it had three chicken strips instead of just one patty, it meant you got more crunchy coating in the middle bites than you typically would have.

The zinger sauce was also quite tasty.  It also had good spice to it.  Unfortunately, because the spiciness wasn't actually part of the chicken itself, but instead a sauce applied on top of the lettuce by whoever made the sandwich, the amount of spiciness you got was very random.  Even if you asked for extra zinger sauce [5] it still meant it was very easy to have many bites without spice.

Burger King's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: My memory is failing me on this one.  Either Burger King had a spicy chicken sandwich for a limited time and I failed to purchase one in the appropriate time window or they never actually had one at all.  Either way, it means the King let me down.

McDonald's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: Fortunately, McDonald's also had a spicy chicken sandwich that they were offering for a limited time.  They had them on their dollar menu and they sometimes had them on sale for two for $1.  As I was on a pretty tight budget back then, thus this was already very appealing.  However, McD's isn't really known for their culinary prowess, so I didn't get them expecting very much.

The bun was no surprise and the typical McDonald's offering.  It too had the amazingly small dollop of mayo and the sad lettuce just as the Checker's sandwich.  Also like the Checker's sandwich the chicken itself was a thin and covered in breading.  It was there the similarities ended though.  Because the McDonald's sandwich was amazingly spicy.  Not so spicy you couldn't eat it, but way more spicy than you had any reason to expect from a restaurant that typically caters to small children who's biggest adventure in eating is mustard.

I was right and properly gobsmacked.  I consumed my two sandwiches in happy bliss and when finished I reveled in the slight after burn.  They didn't look like much, but the McDonald's sandwiches were by far and away the clear winners.  My quest ended in an unlikely spot with well known gold[6] and I returned there many times in the following weeks.  I must admit I was truly sad when the promotion ended and the spicy goodness could no longer be had.

In truth, the reason for my writing this post is that I happened to be at McDonald's the other day and the spicy chicken sandwiches are back.  They are again a dollar each, but I don't believe that they had lettuce on them this time.  In fact, it's making me doubt that there was lettuce last time either, but it doesn't matter.  I wasn't eating them for the green stuff.  However, they also were not quite as good as my memory tells me they were in the past, but that could in a large part be because of a later entry to the field.

Chik-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich: At the time of my original quest, Chik-Fil-A didn't have a spicy sandwich and thus was a non-contender.  However since that time they have joined the fray and they brought a heavy-weight.  Their spicy chicken sandwich is amazingly good.  It has all the plump chickeny goodness of the regular Chik-Fil-A sandwich, but it is coated in mouth burning awesomeness.  This is now my go-to sandwich for when I have a hankering and in truth I no longer even order their regular sandwich at all.

I do have to say that when they first came out I think that they were actually spicier than they are now, because the first several times I had them I could hardly eat them.  I was truly amazed by how strong the spiciness was.  In fact, the first day they were offered the Pook and I both got one. [7]  She couldn't even finish hers and has never ordered another. Now-a-days they are still plenty spicy, but I don't find them nearly so powerful.  Of course, that might just be my getting used to them, but I really don't think so.

You can also get them with pepper-jack cheese on them, but I've never been a big fan of that cheese.  I always find it to be a lot of spicy and no real flavor.  So, I've never actually gotten one.  I prefer mine with a packet of their honey roasted bar-b-cue sauce on it.  It's glorious.

Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: D+
Checkers Spicy Chicken Sandwich: F-
KFC's Zinger Chicken Strip Sandwich: B-
Burger King's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: n/a
McDonald's Spicy Chicken Sandwich: A-
Chik-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich: A+

ENDNOTE: If anyone should know of any other contenders, I'm always looking for something new.  Assuming it's a restaurant I can get to without too much hassle, I'll be glad to give it a shot.

[1] - I'm not sure if this is pure coincidence or if all of these restaurants knew of my upcoming yearnings and thus all provided me with their offerings.  Of course the more cynical minded of you might think that it was I who had either knowingly or unknowingly succumbed to the power of advertising.  But that's just silly.
[2] - To within an acceptable deviation at any rate.
[3] - Thomas that is.
[4] - But probably not.
[5] - A request that was not always allowed.
[6] - en arches.
[7] - There was a promotion and if you made a "reservation" online you could get a sandwich for free.

Sushi

Sushi:  I wouldn't call myself a culinary adventurer.  Andrew Zimmern has nothing to fear from me.  For instance when a friend of a friend offered me some straight from Scotland haggis, it didn't take me long to say, "no thanks".[1]

However I also wouldn't call myself a culinary recluse either.  I'm usually more than willing to try new things, I'm just not desperate to find the next comestible highlight in the backwaters of the barely edible.

Which brings us to sushi.

My first and only [2] experience with sushi came about when I was in the last year of studying for my undergraduate degree.  As part of our requirements for our degree, I and a female classmate were both
interns at a law enforcement agency in Atlanta.  The semester was almost over and it was our last days of interning.

She didn't have to come in until later that day but arrived around noon and asked if I wanted to go out to lunch to celebrate the end of the semester/interning/college/etc.  Unfortunately, I had already eaten, but in the spirit of day, I said I'd be glad to go with her and provide company. [3]

Since I wasn't going to eat, she decided to go get sushi.  In the interest of full disclosure, the sushi bar in question was actually attached to a food court in an upscale mall nearby.

You sushi defenders are now saying things like, "well of course it wasn't very good.  If you'd only have gone to a better restaurant!

That is not the case at all.  We, in fact, went to this place instead of a to a just as easy to get to nearby sushi bar, because she had been to both before and said this was in fact as good if not better than most of the sushi bars she'd been to. [4]

So back to the story.  She got a plate full of sushi stuff.  Don't ask me what type of sushi it was.  I don't know and at this point frankly don't care.  Because the drinks from the sushi bar were small and limited, I got us both extra large drinks from one of the food court restaurants.  They weren't quite 55 gallon drums, but close.[5]

We chatted while she ate and then she asked if I'd ever had sushi.  I admitted that I hadn't.  She offered some of hers.  I declined.  Not because I thought it would be bad, but I'd already eaten and she didn't have that much of it and I didn't want to eat her lunch.  I explained as much.  She said she didn't mind and offered again.[6] So I said, okay.

As I was saying at the beginning of my tale.  I've eaten my share of less traditional food.  I've at least tried food from many places around the world and have enjoyed most of it.  I've eaten some strange things.[7]  And while I haven't loved or even liked some of it [8], I've never had something where, if it was the only thing available to eat, I would have starved.

Until that day.

That bite of sushi is the only morsel of food that I've ever eaten that I had to actively stop myself from throwing up.  My gag reflex was trying to work overtime and my brain was desperately trying to play it cool and keep a lid on things.

What I wanted to do was eject the stuff from my mouth.  But I also didn't want to completely offend and/or turn off the lovely co-intern across the table.  An internal debate between my brain and my stomach proceeded that went something like this:

Brain: Swallow that!
Stomach: Not ever!
Brain: Do you see that girl across the table?  Well we'd like to see her again.  Do NOT blow this.
Stomach: I don't care about the girl across the table.  Remember that lunch we ate about a half hour ago?  If you don't want to see it and the sushi on that selfsame girl.  I suggest you do something!

Meanwhile, I had instantaneously broken out into a cold sweat and my face had become pasty white as all blood retreated from the area.

I attempted to slyly and calmly spit the offending item into a napkin without literally losing my lunch.[9]

I then proceeded to drain my entire giant drink in one long swallow.

Things hadn't gotten much better internally.

Having watched this entire proceeding, she offered me her drink and pushed it across the table.

I proceeded to drain her entire drink in one long swallow as well.

At this point the wild look in my eyes subsided as the battle between forces of upchuck and 'smile-as-you-suffer-through-it' turned slightly in favor of the latter.

I'm proud to say I ultimately did not spew forth that day though it was mighty close.  Of course, I never saw the girl again either.  [10]

Thus from that day forward I have never had sushi again.

When people ask me why and I tell them this tale inevitably I then get barraged with comments like,

"Well what type of sushi was it?"
"If you tried such-and-such, I bet you'd love it!"
"You just don't know what you're missing?"

My response is always the same.  Who cares!

When you come microns away from making a technicolor rainbow, the last thing you do is go and experiment to see if you can identify exactly what brought you to the brink.

I don't eat sushi.  My life is no less full for this fact.

Sushi - F-------- [11]

[1] - Haggis, if you were unaware, is Sheep's stomach filled with stuff that look about like what you'd expect to find in a sheep's stomach.
[2] - Because that's not telling of how this is gonna go.
[3] - I'd also be lying if I didn't say that she was very cute and the possibility that we might see more of each other outside of school would have been agreeable.
[4] - She evidently ate the stuff on a regular basis.  She actually later went and got a part time job at a sushi bar just so she could get the stuff more often and cheaper.
[5] - Nickel difference!
[6] - She loved sushi so much she was essentially acting as a sushi ambassador.
[7] - Among other things: opossum, alligator and these strange white sausages in Paris that I later found out were stuffed with intestines.
[8] - I've never been able to get behind Indian curries.
[9] - I succeeded in getting it to the napkin.  I failed completely at the sly part.
[10] - When an ambassador offers you delights from their country and it takes all of your willpower not to yak, the possibility of future relations between countries tend to dry pretty quickly.
[11] - For the record, that's and 'F' with eight minuses behind it.