Sunday, July 8, 2012

Cheeseburger Bobby's

Cheeseburger Bobby's:  Here's a simple rule that you can always use.  It will help you throughout your life over and over again.  Ready?  Here it is:

Never believe advertising.

That's it.

Now I'm not saying that sometimes advertising isn't right.[1]  But if you want an honest true opinion of something the one place you shouldn't be looking is from that same person, company, product, etc.  Advertising is there for one reason and one reason only, to sell you something.  And really how much can you rely on the person who is trying to get you to part with your hard earned cash to tell you the unadulterated truth?[2]

If you aren't completely blind and you pay attention at all you're bound to see some of Cheeseburger Bobby's advertising.  They feature prominently the line, "Voted Best Cheeseburger."

Excellent! You tell yourself.  I'm in the mood for a cheeseburger and if I'm going to get one, then I should probably get the "Best" one.  Shouldn't I?

Well before you dash off and hand Bobby some of your moolah, lets take a closer look at that line and ask a few pointed questions.

First question: Voted Best Cheeseburger of where?  Best in the the city?  The county?  The state?  The entire United States?  The whole world?  Or maybe it was just voted the best cheeseburger you can get at a Cheeseburger Bobby's location.

Second question: What was the competition?  Did they compare all cheeseburgers available?  Presumably we are saying best cheeseburger of some sizable location.  Did the judges have at their disposal all cheeseburgers available in that area?  Or maybe it was voted the best cheeseburger in a taste test between Cheeseburger Bobby's, a McDonald's cheeseburger[3] and a Krystal.

Third question: By who?[4]  Was it a blind taste test of the public?  Is there some official American Cheeseburger officiating body that we've never heard of in charge of these things?  Or maybe it was voted best cheeseburger by the employees at Cheeseburger Bobby's.

Person in Charge of Taste Testing [PICoTT]:  Okay, now that you've all signed the forms, I want you to tell me which cheeseburger is the best.  Bear in mind that if you say anything other than Cheeseburger Bobby's you are fired.
Employee 1: Cheeseburger Bobby's
Employee 2: Cheeseburger Bobby's
Employee 3: Cheeseburger Bobby's
Employee 4: Five Guys
PICoTT: Right it is unanimous.  Cheeseburger Bobby's is the best!
E4: But I voted Five Guys.
PICoTT: And you're fired.
E4: Nevertheless, it's not unanimous.
PICoTT: Actually if you read the small print of the form you signed it says that saying anything other than Cheeseburger Bobby's retroactively fires you before the testing began and thus invalidates your opinion.  Thus unanimous.

Fourth Question: Best by what standard?  Best tasting?  Best looking?  Best beef?  Best toppings? Best burger to smear on your ex-boyfriends car windshield on a Friday night after he's broken up with you?

Anyway you get the point.  Advertising = Lies.  Don't believe it.

Having said all of that, I found Bobby's to be okay. Better than McDonald's for sure, but by no means the Best.

UPDATE: As it happens I've been to Cheeseburger Bobby's several more times since this was originally posted.  Lest you think my opinion of their burgers has changed, I still think they are adequate but not the best.  However, they have a chocolate dipped frozen custard cone that is unbelievably good.  It's just a simple ice cream cone covered in chocolate.  Except that it's frozen custard and not actually ice cream. And then it's covered in chocolate.  The cone itself is a cheap "cake" cone you can buy at any grocery store for a pittance.  But never mind the small details, it is awesomely good.  To make matters worse, they give away coupons for a free cone all of the time.[5]  So if there is a ballot out there somewhere, marked me down as having voted it, "Best Chocolate Covered Frozen Custard Cone".

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Bobby's has grown on me.  Part of it is that you have to find the right combination of ingredients.  Trying to put everything on the burger is not the way to go.  For me, I usually get a double cheeseburger.  Then I put a ton of onions on it, a ton of jalapenos on it and slather it in BBQ sauce.  It is downright amazing.

Bobby, I recant my earlier doubts.  Please forgive me.  You are in fact the best.

Cheeseburger Bobby's Cheeseburgers: A
Cheeseburger Bobby's Chocolate Covered Frozen Custard Cone: A+

[1] - The rule isn't, "Advertising is always wrong."
[2] - The answer is, "Not Much."
[3] - Not a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder but a plain little cheeseburger.
[4] - Or is it, "By Whom?"  Truthfully I don't care.  imho, grammatical errors that over half of the people are making are not errors, they are now acceptable usage.
[5] - I've found them on my windshield at the theater, lying in the parking lot outside of Target and today I got one at Cheeseburger Bobby's after I bought my meal.  Silly Bobby, I was going to buy one anyway.

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