Challenged to Post, "Without Comment"

[It's been a minute since I wrote something here, but I thought I'd put this out there so I could easily reference it later should it become needed.]

Someone has challenged you over the next X days to post on some media platform pictures of:

 - Your favorite albums of all time.

 - The movies that were most influential on you.

 - The books could you read over and over.

 - The [some way of pretending to get random things] photo(s) on your phone. [1]

 - The food you blah blah blah . . . 

 - The place(s) you would yadda yadda yadda . . .

 - etc, etc, etc.

Let's be clear, I'm not opposed to these sorts of things.  I most likely am interested in what you might have to share.  After all, the reason we are ostensibly friends on whatever social media platform this is occurring on is because we both chose to be.  Thus, I probably care some amount about you and am interested at least on some level about who you are, what you care about, and other parts of you life.

But here's the supposed kicker, you have to post them, "without comment".  

Though I'm probably reading more dramatic emphasis into it than is really there, I always imagine it more like:

"I was challenged to post this, WITHOUT COMMENT!"  [Dum, dum, dummmmmmm!] [2]

But the question is, why?

Why wouldn't you comment?  What point is there to the whole thing if you don't comment?

Oh, here's some photo that seems important . . .

 . . .but I've no idea why.

Hey look, they like a movie that 90% of people like . . . 

 . . .  what a non-surprise.

They've read that famous book . . . 

. . . that millions of other people have read too.  

Complete non-shocker, and honestly, I don't care.

Of course if you were to comment then suddenly I do care.  Because now I know that the reason you picked that photo was because of [something meaningful and/or interesting].

Or maybe it wasn't.  Maybe you just like the way you look in that photo.  Or you just want to show the world your cute kid(s).

Maybe you just like that movie because of that one fight scene.  Or that one line.  Or because of that hot actor/actress is in it.  

And I suspect that's one of the real reasons people are so pleased to post "without comment".  Because they have nothing to say beyond, "I liked this."  Because their 10 things are completely banal and in truth uninteresting. 

A second reason is probably that after posting and commenting on 1 picture of their kid/dog/self/whatever that fulfills the requirement of this supposed challenge, they would really have nothing left to say on days 2 through 10.

A third reason, and most likely to most applicable is that people are lazy.

So, before I wrap this up.  Let me actually challenge you.

The next time someone "challenges" you to post pictures of whatever "without comment", I challenge you to completely ignore the lets 'o', 'u' and 't' in the word "without" and to post them WITH comments.

Because let's be honest.  One of the main reasons you accepted this "challenge" is that you were hoping people will think the things you picked are cool/interesting/say something about you, and/or that you want people to talk with you about it.  

There's nothing wrong with that, so skip the hoping someone will take the lame bait of a pic with no comments and start the conversation yourself.  

I for one will be way more likely to: 

 - pay attention

 - think about what you've posted for more than half a second

 - post a comment

And if the person who challenged you complains about your changing the rules, just reply to them with a link to this post.

Challenged to Post "Without Comment": D-

[1] - This is "Pretending to be random" because: A) if the randomly selected picture isn't something you want others to see; or B) isn't cool enough; or C) you really want to pick some other picture, we all know your just going to pick whatever you want.

[2] - That's a bad attempt at dramatic sounding music.

Minimum Wage

This post was prompted by a FB post from an old high school friend of mine and isn't something I normally spout on about, but for better or worse here goes.[1]  

Minimum Wage:

Labor like all other goods and services is controlled by the interaction of Supply and Demand.  In short the market demand for something is the ability and desire of everyone in the market to purchase that item at all prices and market supply is the ability and desire of all the businesses in the market to create/sell them at all prices. [2]

This is a simple graph of just that. [3]

The place where the supply line and the demand line cross is called equilibrium.  If you price a product at equilibrium price (P*) you will succeed in having an equilibrium quantity (Q*). 

This is awesome for several reasons.  First because the quantity demanded by the consumers will be exactly the same as the quantity supplied by the producers. [4]  Which means that at that price level every consumer who wants to purchase at that price level gets to do so and every items created by the suppliers at that price level gets sold.  This is good because it means we aren't wasting resources and we don't have unhappy customers.  But for the businesses this is extra good because it is also where profit is maximized. [5]

"Okay, Mr. B," you say, "but what does any of that have to do with minimum wage?"

Hold your horses, I'm getting there.

Let me try to add one more concept, without drawing a lot of graphs and writing a lot of paragraphs.  So to save time, put your finger on the graph above and pretend it is the price line.[6]   Now move your finger up or down on the graph, but be sure to keep it horizontal.  

You should be able to see that at every other price, the price line will hit the supply and demand line at different locations.  And thus at each of these locations either the resulting Quantity Supplied or Quantity Demanded will be greater than the other.  This will result in either a surplus of a product if the price is above equilibrium or a shortage of a product if the price is below equilibrium [7].

"Um, Mr. B, minimum wage?"

Right, well it should come as no surprise that minimum wage works just the same way.  Only because this is the labor market and not the product market we typically think of, the roles are switched around.  Thus in the labor market the demand is not customers wanting to buy a product, but instead is businesses demanding employees to hire.  And the supply is not businesses providing products for sale, but instead is people wanting to supply their work to the labor market.  And finally the price line doesn't determine the price of a product but instead determines the wage that market should charge.  

Of course there is going to be a different graph for every different market or job.  So the equilibrium wage for a doctor is different than that of a plumber or a butcher or someone working the drive through at a burger joint.  But if the market is left alone, the market will automatically find the equilibrium price or wage [8] and the market will be efficient and profit will be maximized [9]

This means that if the equilibrium wage for a doctor is $150,000 a year then that's what they will get paid and if the equilibrium wage for a butcher is $45,000/yr that is what they will get paid and if the equilibrium wage for a person working the drive through at a burger joint is $12,000/yr that is what they will get paid.

But then someone in the government says, "Hold on a second.  You can't live on $12,000/yr.  Let's make it illegal to sell your labor for less than $14,500/yr.[10]  

When someone, in this case the government, says you can't sell something below a certain price, this is called a price floor.  And price floors [11] always cause a surplus.

"Woohoo!" you say, "That means there are more jobs than people looking for them! Right?"

Not so fast.  Remember in the labor market the roles are switched and a surplus means the quantity supplied of people wanting a job will be larger than the number of employees demanded by businesses.  So, what it means is that a lot of people are going to not be able to find the job they want.

Here's the graph you know you are wanting:

Pf is the Price Floor.  Qd is the quantity demanded and Qs is the quantity supplied. The distance between Qd and Qs is the amount of the surplus in the market.  In other words it is the difference between the number of people who want to work at a given price for a given job and the number of jobs businesses are willing to fill at that same price.  

But really that number is less important than the difference between Q* and Qd.  Because that number is the number of jobs that will disappear because of the price floor or in this case because of the minimum wage.

"So, then if we raise the minimum wage to $10.10/hr how many people will lose their job?" you ask.

Good question.  The answer is that nobody knows for sure.  Looking around you can find a veritable mixed bag of answers from some people saying that nobody will lose their jobs to others estimating that around 1 million jobs will be lost.  

I obviously don't know, but I do know that I have read articles about things like McDonald's in anticipation of a higher minimum wage creating test stores in which all of the food production is completely automated and thus cutting the number of employees that they would need to hire.  I've seen stories about parks that fired all of their gate attendants and replaced them with automated ticket taking machines.  And if you are old enough to remember when gas stations had someone who would fill up your gas and clean your windows for free and always wondered what happen to those jobs and who's to blame for them disappearing, you need look no further than minimum wage. So, I have to think there will be some impact.

Thus, in my mind strike one against the minimum wage is that it causes jobs to go away.

"Okay, we don't know how many, but do we know what kind of jobs will go away?" you ask.

While we don't for sure what jobs will go and which ones won't, we can make some pretty good guesses.  Just looking at the examples I gave above you can see that they are low skill jobs that offer low pay.  They are jobs that aren't intended to be careers.  They are jobs in short that are pretty much meant to be for high school teens looking for extra cash or for a place to get experience, a foot in the door as it were.

So mostly the jobs that would disappear would mean more teenagers without jobs.

"But I know of several people who are working two minimum wage jobs just to try and stay alive," you say.

I agree that's a problem, but remember that we are currently coming out of the Great Recession and that the job market is not by any means back to where it should be.  When the job market and the economy is working correctly the percentage of people making minimum wage is only around 3-5% of the workforce and the vast majority of those people are, as we've already said, teenagers.

That's not surprising since as we said minimum wage is not meant to be a wage level that people earn for their career.  It's an entry level position or a summer job for a teenager. 

"So, if minimum wage goes up only teenagers will lose their jobs?"

Or we could say that if we got rid of minimum wage it would mostly be teenagers who saw their wages go down.

"Get rid of minimum wage?  If we did that business would just offer a tiny amount for their jobs."

Nope they wouldn't.  Because it works both ways.  If the business offers less than equilibrium they will be giving a price below equilibrium and as we already said that will just cause a shortage.  In this case we would have a large quantity of businesses demanding employees at this low wage and a very small quantity of people willing to supply their labor at such a low price.  

If a burger business really did say that they were only going to offer $3.00/hr for the job of working at their drive through they would quickly find the only people willing to work there would be people who couldn't get jobs anywhere else because they were such horrible employees nobody offer a better wage was willing to hire them and the business would find their customers did really enjoy ordering from them and they would start to take their business elsewhere.  In other words, the more a money a business offers the more people willing to work there and the better the pool of potential employees they have to choose from.  Which means happier customers and more profits.

And I know this is true because in a normal economy only 3-5% of people are even making minimum wage.  Thus most business already offer more than minimum wage.  In part because their job may be more difficult, but also because they want to attract the best employee that they can afford.

Of course, I'm not saying that some jobs wouldn't lower their wages, but most wouldn't and I know most teenagers don't want to admit it, but I suspect if you asked and they were honest, most of them would admit that they could get by even if their job only paid $6.00/hr.

"What about the people who have minimum wage jobs and aren't teenagers?  Lowering their pay rate might make it where they can't survive."

True, but to me the solution there is that they need to get a better job and before you get irate and start shouting about people stuck in dead end jobs and lack of skills and no money for college, etc, etc, etc.  Let me say that for those people the solution to me would be to help them get skills, training and school so that they can get out of those jobs and not to artificially inflate wages across the board.

So strike two for minimum wage in my mind is that it really isn't helping the people we want it to help at all.

Finally, there's inflation.

I don't have the room to give a full rundown on inflation, but the gist is that over time the purchasing power of money can get eroded.  Thus you may find that if you took $100 to the store today and bought a small pile of goods with it and then next year you went back to the same store and tried to buy the exact same pile of goods, you would find that you couldn't.  Inflation would have made it to where the cost of those goods had risen. [12]

There are a lot of things that can cause inflation but one of the major contributors is too much money in the market place.  

For instance let's pretend that all of the money in the country was only $1,000.  And that in the market place the equilibrium price for bread was $1 per loaf.  If we suddenly increased  the amount of money in the marketplace to $2,000 what would happen?

Well since the price of bread was determined by the equilibrium price, if suddenly everyone had more money [13] we would suddenly see demand for products rise.  In fact an increase in income is one of the things that determines that demand line we talked about way back at the first graph and as I just said an increase in income will cause an increase in demand.  So what happens when you increase demand?  Here's a graph that shows it: 

Demand has shifted to the right (from D1 to D2) and prices have risen (from P1 to P2).

Thus giving everyone more money just means that they will drive the price of bread up.  So, in our example, doubling the money supply from $1,000 to $2,000 will just cause the price of bread to double from $1 to $2.  

Sure there will be a brief period in which people will have extra money in their pockets, but quickly they will find that prices have adjusted so that however much they could buy with their paychecks before the money supply doubled, that is exactly how much they would be able to buy after the money supply doubled.

This is no less true for minimum wage.  But instead of doubling the amount of money in the money supply we are trying to artificially increase incomes with a different method, but the result will be the same.  More money = more demand = higher prices.  

To add an additional problem from the other side of the coin, if we tell the burger joint that they have to increase their employees wages by x%, the burger joint will have to raise its prices to accomplish this and so will everyone other job that hires at minimum wage and this will have a ripple effect through society.  So the prices of products will also rise because of this. [14]

Thus in my mind the third strike against minimum wage is that in the long run we aren't really even helping the few people who do get that pay raise, because in the end the increase in demand combined with the decrease in supply will mean that inflation will raise the prices for everyone.  

Again, I'm not saying that there aren't people out there working minimum wage jobs that are struggling to survive and who desperately need to get paid more.  What I am saying is that those people need new jobs, not an artificial increase in the wage of their old job.  They don't need to stay in a low skill, low pay, minimum wage entry level job.  They need to find a better career job that they can do and if there isn't such a job then they need to improve their skills set and situation so that those jobs are accessible.  And if their situation is so bad that they can't afford to do that or they are unable to do that, then society, the government, or others need to act to help them so that they can.

In summary, in my mind, raising minimum wage so that:

a) jobs disappear
b) few of the people who really need it are actually helped by it; and
c) it causes prices across the board to rise and ultimately negate any minimum wage increase anyway

seems like a giant failure.

Minimum Wage: D+[15]


[1] - Also, fair warning, this obviously involves a good bit of economics and is a pretty involved topic that I'm trying to handle in a short space and as such that means I'm not going to be able to go into as much depth as I'd like in some areas.  However, if you want me to explain anything further, I'd be happy to.
[2] - In regular English that means if I found out the total amount of CD's everyone in the market would be willing to buy at $5, $10, $15, $20 and every other possible price and I put all that in a graph, I would get the market demand for CD's.  If I did the same thing at every price for people willing to sell/make CD's I would get market supply for CD's.
[3] - In the interest of time and expediency I'm not going to go into depth on why Supply and Demand are drawn like that.  Just trust me on this one.
[4] - Quantity demanded is determined by where a particular price moving horizontally across the graph strike the Demand line.  Quantity supplied is determined by where a particular price moving horizontally across the graph strikes the Supply line.  At equilibrium those are the same place. 
[5] - And anyone who tells you that a business is in business for any reason other than making money and maximizing profits is probably selling you on something.
[6] - If William Shatner shows up you're thinking of the wrong kind of price line.
[7] - A surplus is bad because it means we've wasted resources and have extra products sitting around being unbought and a shortage is bad because it means that some customers are not getting to buy when they wanted to.  But even more importantly the seller is not maximizing profit.
[8] - Invisible hand ftw
[9] - Profit is maximized in the market, not necessarily in any one person's pocket.
[10] - Which translates to roughly $7.25/hr and obviously minimum wage didn't start at $7.25/hr and if you want to find who really started minimum wage in the US, you can pretty much point that finger at FDR.
[11] - That are set above equilibrium price
[12] - Historically the inflation rate in the US tends to be around 2-3% per year.
[13] - Or even if a significant portion of the people had more money
[14] - This is called the Wage-Price spiral and to see the beginning of its effects without me drawing another graph, this is the opposite of the increase in demand.  It is a decrease in supply.  To see the effect put your finger on the graph over the supply line and then move it to the left.  Note how the spot where the demand line and your finger cross moves up.  An increase in prices.
[15] - Minimum wage's heart is in the right place.  So I didn't give it an "F".

High Five

The High Five:

If the Internet is to be believed. [1]  "Gimme five" or the "low five" has been popular since before WWII and is at least as old as the twenties. [2]

It took until the 70's for it to morph into it's mentally deficient cousin the "high five".

At the risk of giving away my feelings about this too early in this post, I can't stand high fives.

Wikipedia lists several possible origins of this overhead hand slap.  It seems the most likely [3] is Glenn Burke and Dusty Baker, who were both playing for the Dodgers back in 1977.  In a moment of pure happiness after Baker hit his 30th home run and secured the Dodgers place in the play-offs, Burke ran over to the plate to meet Baker with his hand over his head.  Baker, not knowing what else to do, reached up and slapped it with his own hand and thus this societal pain in the ass was born.

If it wasn't Burke and Baker who were responsible, all of the other possible origin stories also involve sports.  So whoever it was, we can at least be reasonably sure that the origin is sports related.  Which makes sense and truth be told I would have been glad to see whoever it was that invented it, performing it that first time.  Or during any other spontaneous celebration of a difficult victory.

You see my problem with the high five isn't that the action is stupid or that it is inappropriate in and of itself.  Instead my problem with it is two-fold.  The first is that it is over-used and the second is that once someone puts up their hand, you are now socially obligated to reciprocate.

To further elucidate [4]:

Any import given to or from a high five, any real sense of meaning was long ago washed away by overuse.  It is now akin to asking somebody, "How ya doing?"  Which has been asked so many times, that the speaker doesn't really want or expect any answer longer than 'fine'.  Which is okay with the person replying, because they don't want to give anything longer than that either.  It's just an extended form of exchanging hi's.

Similarly, the high five, which was created in a moment of spontaneous joy to celebrate a momentous occasion is now used to celebrate everything from unjamming a stapler to managing to open a door.  In fact, I suspect you can think of someone who asks for a high five every time you see them.

Gary [walking up to a group of friends]: Hey, what's up?
Toolbag: It's Gary! High five!
Gary: What exactly are we celebrating here?  My ability to walk over here or just the simple fact of my existence?

And while that's only semi-annoying, there are plenty of other similar examples of exchanges the have become so common place their real meaning/intent is lost.  For instance saying "Bless you" when someone sneezes, wishing someone, "Have a nice day" when they leave and the previously discussed "How are you?" just to name a few. [5]

What makes the high five more annoying is that it doesn't just require a short verbal response.  Instead you must physically join in on the celebration of the workaday and you really don't have any choice.  Because when presented with a raised palm and a verbal: "High five!" you cannot ignore it without causing yourself to look like the jerk.

Chuck [the most annoying person you know and somebody you usually try to avoid seeing never mind touching at all costs]: Hey look, we have on matching socks!  High five!
You: We both have on plain white socks.  If you look, you can see that they aren't even the same brand.
Chuck: [hand still raised expectantly] . . .
You: Sigh.

Why must I be forced to participate in another's celebration of the mundane or inane?

Did you just win the game for our team?  Then I believe a celebratory display is in order.  High fives, hugs, picking you up on our shoulders or something similar is not only okay, but is called for.

Did you just pick a stray paper clip up off of the floor?  Much like the hugs and parading you around on our shoulders is probably going a bit too far, perhaps it really isn't worth a high-five either?

The ultimate problem is that some people just really, really love to get/give high fives.  Is it that they are just so overflowing with joy that they feel compelled to share it?  Or perhaps they are deprived of human contact?  Maybe social interaction such a rarity for them that the momentary smack of palm on palm is an oasis in a desert.  Maybe it's some sort of brainwashing.

I think that from now on when I find myself on the receiving end of a high five request, I'll just hug the person instead.

Or perhaps I should carry around a pocket full of confetti that I can throw to up the celebration one more notch into the absurd.

Or it might be that I'm just a grump.

High-fives: D+

[1] - And why wouldn't we believe the Interwebs?
[2] - You can evidently see Al Jolson doing it in the Jazz Singer.
[3] - Or at least the most commonly believed.  And eventually what else matters?
[4] - It's an SAT word.  Go look it up.  Fine, I'll look it up for you.  Here.
[5] - It's not that there is anything wrong with these. But when you say, "Bless you" after someone sneezes do you really mean that you hope they receive some sort of blessing or are you just filling the space with the socially normed response?

Spaghettle Noodies

Spaghettle Noodies:

I was picking up the boys after work today.  Because it's election day, the Bear was out of Kindergarten and he got to spend the day with the lady who watches the Bean and used to watch him for day care.  As we were getting ready to leave, the topic of dinner came up.  I had previously mentioned making spaghetti a few days before and the Bear was trying to tell me that's what he wanted for dinner.

In case I haven't mentioned it before, the Bear is incredibly articulate for a five year old.  He has no problem speaking and the only words he regularly mispronounces are the ones that we haven't told him he's saying wrong because it's just too darn cute. [1]

Only on this occasion his brain got kerfuttled [2] and he spoonerized [3] the words.  Only it was one of those occasions where as you're speaking you know it's coming out wrong but you can't stop it and attempts to fix it just make it worse.

If you want to hear someone else discussing it, go look up "Brian Regan take luck" on youtube.  Or just click this link [4].

At any rate, despite the Bear's best efforts otherwise, all he could manage to say was "Spaghettle Noodies"[5] over and over again.  He kept trying to say something else, with many false starts and stops, but to no avail.

Having been the victim myself of such mental malfunctions many time in the past, I immediately started laughing.  The Bear's old day-care Nana, could only make out what sounds like "Nudies" and simply stared at him.  It was good times.

Fast forward to us getting home and making dinner.  The Pook is in full school play costume mode and is away slaving over a sewing machine, so it was just the men in the kitchen

The Bear helped me make the spaghetti sauce [6] and then once the noodles were done it was time to eat.

I don't know if you've ever eaten spaghetti with a two-year old and a five year old, but in case you haven't let me illuminate you as to a crucial fact or two.

The possibility that the two year old will not end up with sauce on every part of his being is so remote as to be non-existent.  The five year old has better odds, but they're still nothing you'd want to take to Vegas. Thus you'd better be prepared to clean up afterwards and if they are wearing any clothes you want to remain unstained with red sauce you'd better remove them prior to the event.[7]  

And thus it was that the Bean was promptly stripped down to his diaper and the Bear was told to take off his shirt.

I sat down myself, but in the short span of time it had taken me to go from seating the Bean, to the counter to pick up my plate and back to the table, he'd already painted his portion of the town red.  So, I promptly stood back up and took off my own shirt. [8]

So there we three sat, happily munching on [9] our pasta.

And as I looked around the table at our various states of undress, I thought:

Spaghettle Noodies it is.

Spaghettle Noodies: A+

[1] - Like Pretzel.  He still calls them Prentzels and we're okay with that.
[2] - Technical term
[3] - An actual linguistic term, as opposed to kerfuttled.
[4] - Any of the first two videos have the clip.  But do yourself a favor and listen to the longer one, because Brian Regan is hilarious.  Or if stand-up turned into a Coke ad is more your speed, click this.
[5] - Prounced "Spag-ettle" and "New-dees"
[6] - Yes, I make my own sauce.  It doesn't take that long and it tastes way better than anything from a jar.  If you ask nice, maybe I'll give you the recipe.
[7] - In truth, the Bear likes his with no sauce and just butter and Parmesan cheese, but not surprisingly it doesn't really cut down on the mess that much.
[8] - After all it's a fool that doesn't take his own advice.
[9] - And in the Bean's case, wearing.

Temporary Insanity

Temporary Insanity:

You hear about people pleading temporary insanity from time to time.  News reports of the events surrounding such crimes often start something like this:

"Earlier this month a local woman [1] shot and killed five people while . . ."

Of course, while you don't actually hear about the plead of temporary insanity until months and months later, you start to hear speculation about it long before.

Bob: Hey, did you hear about that woman who killed all those people at Wal-Mart [2] last week?
Charles: Yeah, I bet she pleads temporary insanity and gets away with it too.

I suspect that that idea crosses the mind of most people when they hear about someone taking such a plea.  Surely temporary insanity is just their way of trying to "get away" with something. Right? Because honestly, temporary insanity?  You really want us to believe that you aren't normally crazy.  It was just this one time?

Officer Carl: You're under arrest for the murder of five people.
Suspect: No no officer.  You don't need to arrest me.
Officer Carl: But you're crazy.  You killed people.  You're dangerous!
Suspect: No, I'm over it now.  See it was just "temporary" insanity.
Officer Carl: Oh, well no problem then.  Have a nice day!

Well, what if I told you there was an experience that would let you see how temporary insanity is possible.  It won't necessarily drive you actually crazy [3] but it will bring into stark contrast how even the most "sane" of us could lose it, if only for a short time.

And what is that experience you might ask?  Well, I'll tell you.  Here it is:

Parenting.

That's right parenting.

Don't get me wrong.  Being a parent [4] is wonderful.  It's more awesome in more ways than you can fathom.  However, there are days when your kids will just drive you insane.  When the older child is crying with runners of snot coming down his face because he doesn't like the food that he ate just fine the night before.  And then the younger one comes walking into the room carrying the next item in a procession of dangerous items that he seems to be able to summon out of thin air. [5]  Of course, taking this item from him will cause him to break down into tears worse than his brother.  Speaking of brother, the older one has decided to eat his food after all, but has someone managed to get it all over his face and stomach, as well as the majority of his side of the table. [6] Which in turn somehow causes the younger one to suddenly want the rest of his food, which he will now reach up onto the table for and spill everywhere on the floor.  Which causes the older one to start crying again because this spill got a solitary drop of pears on his shoe. [7] And while you go to get a rag, the younger one sees the Halloween candy bag and begins saying "I want a lollipop" over and over and over and over and over. [8]  Which causes the older one to declare that he's having candy for a snack.  And when you inform him that that won't be true unless he finishes his food, starts the crying [9] going again. Meanwhile the younger one has suddenly discovered that the trash can is once a again a source of wonderful treasures and suddenly you realize . . .

Temporary insanity.  Yeah, I can see that.

Temporary insanity: D-

[1] - I'm not being sexist here, it could just as easily be a man.
[2] - I've no specific reason to pick Wal-Mart, but honestly if you need a store to have someone suddenly kill a bunch of their fellow customers, I suspect many Wal-Mart shoppers could step up and do you proud.
[3] - But it might.
[4] - A father in my case, but having talked to the Pook, I can attest that it works the same for the mothers as well.
[5] - Alternately it could be the next in a succession of extremely fragile and expensive things that he like wise seems to be able to summon out of thin air.
[6] - Which you might expect from the two-year-old, but the big one is five now.
[7] - Which evidently is sacred and must remain clean, unlike the front of his shirt.
[8] - and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
[9] - And the snot

Two Conversations with the Boys

Two Conversations with the Boys:

Here are two stories about the young ‘uns.  The boys are both amazingly awesome, and they are both so very different from each other.  Since I haven’t mentioned them for the while, and to keep you up to date here are a few facts. 

The Bear, my oldest son, is now five. [1]  He’s in Kindergarten and is loving it.

His younger brother, the Bean, is now two and a half.  He’s an unintentional force of destruction, but that’s a story for another day.

Also I need to precursor this first story by saying that while the Bear is fairly smart for his age, and on any given day we are likely to have conversations about just about anything, I don’t believe I have ever talked about this type of thing with him and that I had neither done nor said anything before this conversation to prompt his comments.

While I was working in the front yard, the bear was riding his tricycle around.  Typically everything he does comes with a running monologue, so after an unusually long stretch of silence [2] I looked over to see what was going on.

He had stopped peddling and was sitting with his head slightly tilted to the side and a far off look in his eyes clearly deep in thought.  The following conversation ensued.

Me: What’s up, buddy?

Bear: Daddy?

Me: Yes?

Bear: When people don’t want something . . .

[Long dramatic pause as he finished gathering and organizing his thoughts]

Bear: . . . it costs less.

I have to admit that in the pause in his statement, I was wondering (and hoping) that he was about to make a comment along these lines.  I also have to admit that I was amazingly proud. [3]

I tried to ask him a few follow up questions to understand what had prompted the statement, but he wouldn’t really answer them and instead he just said he was “just thinking about it”. 

I admit that we do occasionally talk about the price of things, but only in the usual small child context of him wanting me to buy him something and me explaining that it’s too expensive.   And of course he hasn’t said anything else along those lines since.  [4]

On the flip side there is the Bean.  Since the Bear now goes to Kindergarten, morning trips to day care are just me and the Bean now.  Sometimes we listen to music [5], sometimes we sing our own songs [6], sometimes we look for things out in the world [7] and sometimes we have discussions of our own. 

Of course, during these conversations, I occasionally have no idea what it is he’s talking about.  I understand the words he’s saying, it’s just that he’s not the best at providing context [8]. While this isn’t strictly a conversation, the following is a good example. 

As is probably the norm for parents of small children, the back seat of my car tends to end up a hodge podge of toys, books, half eaten snack bits and other random detritus of childhood/parenthood.

Bean: I want that one.[9]

Me: What do you want?

Bean: That one.

Me: What is it?

Bean: That one.  I want it.

Me: What does it look like?

Bean: That one.

Me: [silence]

Bean [more emphatically]: Daddy, I want that one.

Me: And I want you to have it.  But you have to tell me more.  What is it that you want?

Bean: That one.

And so it goes, until finally I begin a list of random guesses of what I can remember being in the back seat.

Me: Do you want the pencil?

Bean: No.

Me: Your cup?

Bean: No.

Me: The lion pillow?

Bean: No.

Me: What do you want then?

Bean: That one.

Me: What color is it? [10]

Bean: That one.

Me [stealing a quick glance into the floorboard behind the passenger seat]: Is it the book?

Bean: No.

Me [stealing another look]: Is it the Froot Loop [11]

Bean: No

Me [relieved]: Is it the bracelet?

Bean: Okay!

He never says yes.  It’s always ‘okay’ and he always says it in the happiest most agreeable tone ever.  And it’s not like he doesn’t know all of the names for all of the other things I’ve guessed.  He just never says them.  I can only assume that it is just that for him this is how this conversation goes. [12]

I’ve tried lots of variations on this conversation, many gambits to help determine what it is he so desperately needs.  But they all end up the same way.

In truth lately when I ask something like, “can you tell me what it looks like?” there is a short period of “um, uh, er” coming from the back seat in which I start to think that we might actually be having a breakthrough and I might get some kind of helpful detail, but, so far my hopes have been dashed every time on the rocky shore of the inevitable next response: ‘That one’.

Two Conversations with the Boys:

The Bear: A+

The Bean: A+ [13]

[1] – He would want me to tell you that he is actually five and a half. 

[2] – Ten seconds would be unusually long, but in this case it was longer.

[3] – I guess Economics runs in the blood.

[4] – So I’ve held off for now on notifying the committee for the Nobel prize on Economics.

[5] - This is usually because a demanding voice from the back seat starts saying, “I want songs” over and over.

[6] – The ABC’s are at the top of the charts right now.  Bingo was there for a long time, which while repetitive in the extreme is worth it for the extreme cuteness of “Bingo was his nay-no.”

[7] – Letters, numbers and shapes most often.

[8] – Or nouns for that matter.

[9] - This unhelpfully will come with no pointing at all.  Not that I could really tell what he is pointing at anyway, since I’m usually busy driving during these exchanges. And if the car should be stopped, any request for him to point results in some comments, but ultimately no pointing.

[10] – This is truly an act of desperation as the Bean isn’t so good with his colors yet.  The only one he consistently gets is pink.  There are a handful of others he is about 50% on and the rest are completely a toss up.  Thus even if he should say a color, it doesn’t really mean that the item in question is that color.

[11] – Please don’t let it be the Froot Loop, that one single lone Froot Loop that has probably been back there for months and bears more in common with styrofoam than cereal at this point.

[12] – And I don’t think that he really enjoys these conversations either, at least that’s the feeling I get based on the sound of frustration in his voice.

[13] - Yes, these conversations can be frustrating, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

A Probable Turning Point

The Bear found a lady bug in the back yard.

He brought it inside and showed mom and dad.

He received a bug jar with a magnifying top from his grandmother and having failed previously to catch anything worthy of study (or anything at all for that matter), I suggested he put the lady bug in the jar and get a good look at it.

All was well in the world.

When it was time to come inside, we reminded him that he needed to let the lady bug go.

Why? he asked.

Because if you don't the lady bug will die.

I don't want to.  He's my pet.

Said with the beginnings of a quiver in the voice and impending tears on the lids.

You have to Bear.  If you keep him in the jar, he'll starve to death and die.

More than able to empathize and vaguely able to summon the vestiges of my own memories in similar situations, I attempted to make the release into something more than dumping a bug back into the garden.

The effort had minimal effect

And then seven words I never saw coming and never knew I would dread so much to hear

I want a pet of my own.

The quiver now fully evidenced and the tears now flowing.

This is not going to end well.

Motion Sickness

Motion Sickness:  While I have been told on more than one occasion that my hair is perfect[1], it may come as a surprise to some of you that as a whole, I am not. [2]

If it turns out that life is in any way like a giant RPG, way back at character creation I clearly took a few disads, to gain more awesome abilities and super powers. [3]  One of those was clearly motion sickness.

If you like to think of life in more genetic terms, I have my mother to thank for this. [4]  As she and all of my siblings get it as well.

For those of you who don't really know what it is, let me explain.

Whenever motion sickness occurs, I basically feel nauseated in the extreme.  If I don't stop whatever it is that is causing it, I eventually break out in the cold sweats, the blood rushes from my head and I feel like I really, really, really, really, really want to lose my lunch. [5]  Fortunately or possibly unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I never actually do blow chunks. [6]

So you ask, what causes this motion sickness?  Well let me tell you.

Basically it is a problem with your inner ear and your eyes communicating with your brain.  Way down deep in your ear there is a little chamber partly full of liquid.  Your brain uses this chamber [7] to keep track of whether you are right side up, upside down, on your side or whatever.  When you are walking around, gravity keeps the liquid on the bottom of the chamber and your inner ear reports back that you are right side up.

Should you go upside down, the fluid will now be on the side of the chamber that used to be the top[8] and your inner ear will report to the brain that you are upside down.  If you should wreck your car and do a barrel roll, the liquid will slosh all over the place and your inner ear will tell your brain that things aren't going so well.

The problems start when your brain starts comparing that data to the data from your eyes.  When your inner ear says, "Brain we are upside down." and your eyes are reporting back data that confirms that, there is no problem.  But when those two sets of data don't coincide, there can be trouble.

I say "can be trouble" because for many people there isn't.  The brain sifts through the data figures out why they aren't both reporting the same thing and moves on.  But for some people, the incongruity of this data means motion sickness.  It goes a bit like this:

Eyes: Brain, we appear to be flying upside down in a jet plane.
Inner Ear: Hate to argue with the eyes, but that's simply not true, we are in fact right side up.
Brain: Okay you two, calm down.  We are watching a movie about Tom Cruise as a fighter pilot.  There's no problem here.  Except perhaps the acting, plot, etc.
Stomach: LET'S THROW UP!!!!!!
Everyone else: What?  NO!!!!
Stomach: Increasing sweat production, 500%!

As that little scenario clearly shows, for some it can be something as minor as a movie.  Fortunately for me, it takes more than just a standard movie.

Also, it can work in other ways.  For instance if it is pitch black, you can get something like this:

Eyes: Brain, nothing is going on.
Inner Ear: What are you blind!  Everything is flipping around like crazy.  Are we trapped in the dryer again!"
Brain: We're on a roller coaster in the dark.  Calm down everyone.
Stomach: LET'S THROW UP!!!!!!!!!

Finally, it can be set off if your eyes and inner ear are reacting too much to unanticipated changes.  Like when you are a passenger in a vehicle and you can't get a good look at the road to see how the car is going to move in the future.  And not just big turns and curves, the minor wheel adjustments the driver does subconsciously are actually worse.

Eyes: On the one hand, based up the completely stationary headrest in front of me, I posit we are not moving.  However, the trees moving by at a rapid pace out the window seem to indicate fast movement.
Inner Ear: I got some slight variations in the chamber liquid [9], so nothing to indicate great speed, but I also don't think we're sitting still.
Brain: We're in the back seat of a car.  There's no problem.
Inner Ear: We've got some definite tilt of the fluid plain.  We seem to be banking left.
Eyes: Nope, headrest is still not moving.  Though those trees are really going.
Brain: The road is a little curvy that's all.
Stomach: LET'S THROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!

For the most part, it really isn't that much of a problem.  I just make sure that I'm the driver whenever I can.  And if I can't I sit where I can see the whole road. [10]  I avoid certain rides at theme parks and I just suck it up and hope for the best if I have to go on a plane. [11]

Because I know you're dying to know, here's a list of some of the things that can make me regret my current life choices and a relative rating of how bad the motion sickness will be on a scale of 0-10: [12]

- Riding in the front passenger seat: 0-4 (depending on the driver)
- Riding in the back passenger seats: 3-8 (depending on the driver)
- First person shooter video games that are realistic [13]: 2-8 (depending on how recently I've eaten and how long I play)
- First person shooter video games that are not realistic at all [14]: 0-3 (depending on how recently I've eaten and how long I play)
- Theme park rides that spin around a lot [15]: 5-10
- Theme park rides that are in the dark: 4-8
- Theme park rides that are in those simulator pods that move the entire pod around to match the movie/ride [16]: 8-10
- Airplane rides: 3-10 (depending on length of ride, turbulence, and other factors)
- Boat rides: 0 (boats don't bother me, go figure).
- Circle Vision 360 movies: 8-9
- 3-D movies: 1-4 (depends on how much movement is going on and how realistic the movie is)
- 3-D, IMAX movies: 2-5
- Virtual Reality anything: 1-10 (again depending on how realistic but usually more on the 10 side of the scale.)
- Anything in the world if I am overly hot and/or hungry: +5 to scale
- Riding backwards: +3 to scale
- Riding in the passenger seat to the hospital with a major inner ear infection while my wife is driving: 27,000 [17]

To sum up, while it is an annoying problem, if I avoid certain situations it's not a big deal. [18] Of course, if you say, take a week long vacation to Disney World, those usually unavoidable things, suddenly become much less unavoidable.  But hey, it's a small price to pay for a perfectly coiffed do.

Motion Sickness: D+

[1] - I'm actually serious.  People have told me that.  Go figure.
[2] - Perfect that is.
[3] - Like wicked smarts, dashing good looks and perfect hair.
[4] - Thanks mom!
[5] - That means throw up.
[6] - I say possibly unfortunately because I often feel like I would probably feel a lot better if I did.
[7] - I'm sure it has a technical name and I'm not even 100% sure it's a chamber, but I'm too lazy to look it up.
[8] - But is now the bottom, because you're upside down.
[9] - I really should have looked up what that stuff was called.
[10] - Which basically means I end up hogging the front seat.  Sorry 'bout that.
[11] - There are anti-motion sickness medicines, but for me they make me feel worse than the motion sickness, but in a completely different way.
[12] - 1 being minor queasiness and 10 being a state akin to, "I wish I was dead".
[13] - Skyrim, Call of Duty, etc
[14] - Original Duke Nukem and the like
[15] - Mo-mo the monster, drunken barrels, Mad Hatter's Tea Cups
[16] - Body wars, Back to the Future Ride and I'm led to believe the Spider-Man ride at Universal Studios is that way too, but I can't confirm that.
[17] - Including actual puking!
[18] - Just realize that if you invite my family over, we're all coming in separate cars.

Epic, First Movie

Epic, First Movie: So I went and saw Epic.  It was pretty good.  Good animation.  Good action.  Several funny bits.   My favorite scene was with the fruit fly.  Looks to me like it is setting itself up for an Epic 2. [1]

But enough about the movie.

More importantly, the Pook and I took the Bear along with us.  It was his first movie theater experience.

A few weeks ago after seeing a commercial for the movie on TV, he told the Pook that he really wanted to see it.  More than likely it was a typically fleeting passing fancy of a four year old, but the Pook took it to heart, so we made it happen.

When he found out we were going, the Bear was stoked.  When he found out he had to wait until after lunch, he immediately asked if we could eat lunch right then. [2]

Since it was a semi-big deal, we decided to splurge and buy popcorn and a Coke as well. [3]

In truth, I thought we would probably get about forty minutes in and then antsy pants would get antsy and we'd have to leave.  There were one or two times in which he stood up to look around the theater and take it all in, but he sat through the whole thing no problem. [4]

The Bear's take on the movie was: "The slug was my favorite part . . . and everything else, that was my favorite part too."

The Bear's take on the entire theater experience was: "The popcorn was my favorite part . . . and everything else, that was my favorite part too.  Why can't we get more popcorn?"

As you can see everything went well and a good time was had by all.  Upon leaving the theater, the Bear asked when we could go to another movie.  I'm sure that will happen soon. [5]

If you are friends with me on Facebook, look for some pics of the Bear at the theater, to be posted soon. [6]

Epic: B+
First Movie for the Bear: A

[1] - The Pook says it will probably have the Leaf Dude get large for some reason.
[2] - It was around 10:00 a.m.
[3] - The adults in the party near fainted at the total bill.  The youth in the group started demanding more popcorn about a third of the way through the movie.
[4] - Except for the evidently appalling lack of popcorn that is.
[5] - Just as soon as I can secure a small line of credit.
[6] - If you are reading this several weeks or longer in the future, you missed them.  They were epic.

The Pook's Awesomeness, by way of my Birthday

So as you have undoubtedly already been told by FB, it's my birthday.

But this isn't about that.

Instead it's about how awesome the Pook is.

You might be asking how old I am. [1]

But that's not what you should be asking.

Instead you should be asking, what does a lucky fellow like me get as presents from such a wonderful girl.  Well here's a list:

- Dominion: Dark Ages Expansion
- A Dremmel rotary tool
- A pull up bar [2]
- And the following DVD's [3]
  - Apollo 13
  - Platoon [4]
  - Stand By Me
  - Expendables
  - The A-Team
  - Brian Regan: Standing Up
  - Penn & Teller's BS, Season 1

Two things to note about that list.

First, it's awesome. [5]

Second, it contains no clothing.

Perfection.

My Wife: A+++++++++++

[1] - 43
[2] - I asked for this.  We'll see how well it goes.  There will probably be a post in the future.  Assuming my arms still work.
[3] - Which were technically also from the Bear.  And I suppose the Bean by proxy.
[4] - I know, it's embarrassing that I didn't already own a copy.
[5] - But then that was obvious

Christmas

I've been rather busy and somehow have managed not to write anything here for almost a month.  I know some of you were probably anxiously awaiting my post on Christmas, so even though it's come and gone, here you go:

Christmas: I like Christmas a lot.  A lot a lot.  More than any other four holidays put together.  Nevertheless, I can appreciate that it's a holiday chock full of weirdness.  if you take a step outside of your cultural niche and look at Christmas traditions as an outsider [1] and there are some real head scratchers.  So here are a few of the things about Christmas that when you take a closer look at them are really quite strange.

1) Christmas Trees: We have spent a lot of time, effort and money to keep our houses secure.  In essence to keep what's inside our houses in and to keep the outside world out.  Nevertheless, once a year we go out and chop down a perfectly healthy tree and drag it inside.  There we cover it in pretty glass balls, lights and other decorations until it dies.

Then we throw it away.

Why?  Because it's tradition.

Of course, for various reasons some people don't want a real tree, so we invented an entire industry in which businesses make fake trees out of plastic for us.

2) Santa Claus: Those same houses that we built to keep nature out are also supposed to keep unwanted guests out.  However, once a year we wait in anticipation for a complete stranger to invade our houses while we sleep.  He eats our food and then leaves us gifts.

If this were to happen on any other day of the year, you would call the cops and you would eye with a lot of suspicion and such "presents" that were left.  And if those presents were food in any way shape or form, there is no way we would eat them.

However in this case, we allow our children [2] to gobble down anything left behind by this midnight invader.

But wait you say, he's not a stranger.  He's Santa Claus!

Really, what do you actually know about him?  Let's start with looks.  What does he look like?  Have you ever actually seen him yourself?  His modus operandi is that you don't ever see him.  He could actually be a 10' tall Chinese woman and you wouldn't know.  All that we supposedly know about Santa is 100% stuff other people told us.  The kind of testimony that every court in the country would throw out as hearsay.  [3]

Another darker side to the Jolly Old Elf is that he's the ultimate stalker.  Whatever it is that you are doing, he knows!  He's sees you when you're sleeping!  He knows when you're awake!

I've seen this movie, it was called Sliver and it didn't go so well.

3) Fruitcake: I think I've met two people in my life who actually claim to like this stuff.  However, I don't think that I have actually ever seen a fruitcake in my life.  So for all of its purported ubiquitousness, it's quite possible these are about as real as #2 above.

Christmas: A+++
Christmas Behind the Curtain: C-

[1] - An alien from Alpha Centauri say.
[2] - Who it is our duty to protect.
[3] - In the end, I'm not sure if it speaks volumes about our kids gullibility or faith in us that they believe any of this stuff at all.  Last year when we were explaining it to the Bear, I swear the look he gave us was more akin to, "Do you really expect me to believe that?" than anything else.

What I'm Thankful For

What I'm Thankful For: This was going to be about how Thanksgiving is the only truly American holiday.[1]  But now it isn't.  In part because I just wasn't feeling it, but also because I wanted to talk about other things.

So instead I thought I would take the more traditional route and talk about what I'm most thankful for.  Don't worry, this isn't going to be a smarmy list of sappy sentimentalism.  Instead this is a slightly different take.  This is how I am so very thankful that the Pook puts up with me.[2]

To illuminate why this is maybe not such an easy thing, I present the following three bits of evidence.

1) I'm seriously grumpy in the morning and she doesn't really mind.  I'm not talking about normal levels of grumpy.  I mean super-mega-seriously-don't expect more than a grunt from me-levels of grumpiness.

The Pook on the other hand generally springs out of bed in the morning ready-to-go and full of pep.

She later told me that the first month or so that she got to experience this, she thought I was mad at her for something.  Every morning.

Typical morning conversation.  Me in shower.  Pook cheerfully doing whatever it is that Pooks do in the mornings cheerfully.

Pook: I thought tonight we could go out to eat and then to Target.
Me: . . .
Pook: We don't have to go to Target if you don't want to.
Me: . . .
Pook: We could stay home too.
Me: . . .

I'm quite the witty conversationalist.

2) I never notice anything.  Seriously, the world could end and I would miss it.  Last night I spent ten minutes searching everywhere in the bathroom for some medicine of mine and finally gave up in frustration.  She walked in and found it in half a second sitting in plain sight. [3]

A better example is given by this actual conversation:

Pook: Did you see that sign about [something I would be interested in] on the way to work?
Me: No?  Where did you see that?
Pook: It was in front of that house that is shaped like an igloo.
Me: There's a house shaped like an igloo?  Where?
Pook: Seriously? It's just around the corner from our subdivision.  We pass it every morning on the way to work.
Me: There's a house that's shaped like an igloo just around the corner?  Where?
Pook: It's just after that big swampy area.
Me: What big swampy area?

In my defense, we usually pass this way in the morning and I'm not exactly alive at that point. [4]

3) My dreams sometimes get the better of me and by way of collateral damage her too.

For instance, one time I dreamed there were giant spiders on the floor of the bedroom. [5]  When they started to come up onto the bed I started actually screaming out loud: GET OUT OF THE BED! GO! GO! GO!

The Pook jumped out of bed in what I assume is a state of pure panic and confusion.  Of course, at that point I had woken myself up as well and I said, "Oh. Never mind."

Another time, I was having this dream that I was hiding behind a slim post.  There was a "bad guy" coming up from the other side with a gun and for whatever reason he had yet to see me and I knew that as long as I stayed still he wouldn't see me.  However he was also getting closer and would eventually discover me no matter what I did.

There was a three foot section of 2x4 [6] leaning against the same post.  I knew that if I waited for the right moment he would get close enough.  Then if I was quick enough, I could grab the piece of wood and slam the bad guy with it.  Of course if I was too slow, he would shoot me.

I waited as he got ever nearer.  Then at the last second I sprung into action.  WHAM!!!  I got him!

The next morning as I was washing my hair in the shower, I suddenly thought to myself.  Did I slam my pillow into the Pook while she was sleeping?

It was all very fuzzy and vague.  Also, I'm not the most alive person in the mornings. [7]  I decided the best course of action would be to say nothing unless she did.

Almost immediately after I had finished the thought, the Pook suddenly stopped doing whatever it is that Pooks cheerfully do in the mornings cheerfully and said, "Did you slam me in the head with your pillow last night?"

Evidently, I had sprung up onto my knees.  Grabbed me pillow.[8]  And slammed it down onto her head.[9]  I then laid down and went back to sleep.

All I can say is thank goodness she's a world class sleeper.

Anyway, this is just a short list of the many ways that living with me ain't easy.

Thanks Pook.

The Pook Putting Up With Me: A+

[1] -  Yes, July 4th is our independence day, but lots of countries have independence days.  Only Thanksgiving is about eating too much and watching TV.
[2] - Betcha didn't see that one coming.
[3] - Or at least that's what she claims.
[4] - Refer to item 1 above.
[5] - Two to three foot across big hairy ones.
[6] - Big piece of lumber that would make a big club.
[7] - Refer to item 1 above.
[8] - Or 2x4 if you prefer.
[9] - Or onto the bad guy's if you prefer.

Three Bear Vignettes

Three Bear Vignettes:  If you are unsure of who the Bear is you can check it out here.  All three of these tales took place in the recent past, so he is about three-and-a-half-years-old in all of them.  Also, I didn't give this post a grade.

Story 1: 

While hanging out with his Aunt Lyndsay [1] the two began to have a conversation about outer space and the planets. [2]  The Bear started telling her about the rings around Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.  The following conversation then took place: [3]

Lyndsay: I don't think all of those planets have rings.
Bear: Yes, they do.
Lyndsay: I don't know.  I think only Saturn has rings.
Bear [Talking very matter-of-factly]: Aunt Lyndsay, I think I know more about planets then you do.

Story 2:

At the Bear's day care, there used to be a couple of girls that were older, but they've gone on to Kindergarten and such.  Thus now the Bear and one other girl are the oldest.  There are also a couple of other infants.  The other girl is essentially the same age as the Bear and they are evidently thick as thieves.

He spends every day playing cars and other typical boy stuff.  The other girl apparent likes to play "getting married".  As the only potential groom, the Bear evidently usually suffers through this with good graces.  However the other day she was evidently taking too long, which prompted him to finally blurt out:

"Are we married yet?  Because I've got things to do."

Story 3: 

Driving in the car the other day with the Bear, we began a conversation on the differences between backhoes and excavators. This is a discussion we frequently have.  You'd think it would be easy to definitively say one way or the other, but it isn't.  Especially as the British seem to have a different set of names all together for their trucks. [4]

Bear: Do backhoes all have tires?
Me: I believe so.
Bear: Don't some of them have tracks. [5]
Me: I think only the really big ones have tracks and those are excavators.
Bear: No, Daddy.  Backhoes and excavators are the same thing.  I know it's hard to understand.

[1] - It's not polite to reveal a woman's age, but I will say that she's only a few years younger than the Pook
[2] - If you spend more than ten minutes with the Bear you should probably expect this conversation to come up.  I suggest having already chosen a favorite planet
[3] - In the interest of full disclosure: I didn't actually witness this conversation, so all quoted lines are likely slightly different from the original.

[4] - And a fair amount of the youtube videos the Bear watches about construction trucks seem to come from across the pond.
[5] - Meaning treads like a bulldozer or tank.

The Olympics

The Olympics: If, on a regular basis, you do anything other than contemplate your navel, you're bound to hear people ranting about politics and about how the other guy[1] is a horrible person and how they're going to ruin America.  In fact, patriotism, or the lack there of, seem to always come up in some form or other.[2]  Similar arguments are heard when things like immigration, manufacturing and getting involved in other countries problems are discussed.[3]

And so we come to the Olympics.  For as much as people shout and rant about how much they love America, Patriotism, the Flag and anything else that is symbolic of our great country, you would think that the Olympics would be a Super-Mega-Gigantic-Huge!!!! Event.  But some how the Olympics get dismal ratings every time they come on.

Which simply stuns me.  What more could you want?  You would be hard pressed to come up with any way to better show how great a country we are than the Olympics.  In fact, the Soviet Union found the Olympics to be so important that in a country that struggled to keep people fed, they gave their potential Olympic athletes the best of everything so that they could win and rub our noses in their superiority.  In America, people watch the opening ceremonies and then once the parade of nations starts they flip back to the reruns of American Idol they have saved on their TiVo.

In case you haven't guessed how I feel about the Olympics let me quit beating around the bush.

The Olympics are beyond awesome.  A competition between people who have essentially dedicated their lives to trying to become the best in the world in their sports, competition, etc.  And for the most part why do they do this?  Not for the money, that's for sure.  No they do it so that they can represent their country and hopefully stand proudly, just a few inches higher than the guy who came in second while our national anthem plays and our flag is flown.

And it really doesn't matter what kind of sports you like, the Olympics has you covered.  Just about every team sport is represented.[4]  There are races of every variety: on foot, on a bike, on a boat, even on a yak and that's just the summer Olympic.[5]

Needs some violence?  Okay how about boxing, or judo, or taekwondo.  This year they even added in girls boxing.  There's weight lifting.  There are several events that involve guns.  There's two types of volleyball.  Countless things that are thrown, flung or shot through the air.  Need something a bit prettier?  How about so much gymnastics you think you're going to puke?  Or synchronized swimming?  


There's even Olympic Ping Pong.  Seriously ping pong.  And as silly as that sounds, go watch them play, it's astounding.  Same thing with badminton.  Yeah, I know you play badminton in your back yard and you think you're lord of the shuttlecock.  Trust me, compared to these guys you look like Slow-Poke Rodriguez.[6]


Maybe you simply don't like sports.  That's okay too.  It's the Olympics!  There's enough pageantry to overload even Morningside and Fields.[7]  Plus they spend plenty of time telling you all about the athletes, their successes and their trials and tribulations, that you practically feel like you've been rooting for them since they first picked up a racket, baton, oar, reins or whatever.

And how does this great nation do?  This nation that everyone seems to think is falling apart at the seams.  This nation that compared to some nations practically ignores its Olympic athletes.  We totally kick butt, that's how we do.  Out of the 16,321 medals awarded in the modern Olympics, we've taken 2,549 of them.[8] For those of you afraid of math, that's a little over 15.5%  The second highest has 1204 and that's the Soviet Union.[9]  How about on an individual Olympic basis?  Still dominating.  We usually end up with most medals and often the most gold medals.

Anyway my point is this.  These people spend their lives getting up at the crack of dawn to run, swim, ride, work out, etc, etc for essentially their entire lives.  The least you could do is sit on your butt and watch them. As they represent our country.

Now if you'll excuse me, some guy I've never heard of, from some country I'm never going to visit, is about to compete and I've got to go listen to Bob Costas make it poignant for me.


The Olympics: A+

[1] - As opposed to whoever it is you are listening to rant at the moment.
[2] - I know this post was supposed to be about the Olympics, hang on I'm getting there.
[3] - Heck, Glen Beck could probably use your liking Ketchup as a means to prove you're a commie, but then again he's an idiot.
[4] - Granted there's no football or rather American football.
[5] - Okay, I made up one of those.  But then you realize I was pulling your leg when you read the word 'boat'.
[6] - It's Speedy Gonzales' cousin, but you've probably never heard of him, because in a fit of PC stupidity, Warner Brothers caved and hid him in a closet somewhere.
[7] - IMDB it.
[8] - Not counting this year.
[9] -  And you don't have to worry about them getting any more

Riot! (By Paramore)

Riot!: I first heard of Paramore when one of my friends gave another of my friends this CD as a gift.[1]  And then at another gift giving event, another copy was given.  However, my friends musical taste tend to be a bit scattered, so I didn't really give it much attention.

The first time I actually heard a Paramore song was on Rock Band 2.  The song was "That's What You Get."  That was probably enough to get me to buy the CD right there, but before that could happen we downloaded the additional track Crushcrushcrush.  I'm pretty sure I bought the CD the next day.

The other big song from the CD is Misery Business and all are excellent and pretty typical of the whole CD.  Fast beat.  Generally peppy at a minimum.  Good lyrics.  Etc. Etc.[2]

Anway, the more important bit about Paramore is the lead singer.  Actually, I have no idea what her name is or anything about her other than the fact that she was pretty young at the time the CD came out.

Fine, I'll go do some research.  Hold please . . . .

. . . okay, I'm back.

The lead singer is Hayley Williams and at the time Riot! was released she was 18.  But that's not really the point.  Or rather it's tangential to the point.  The point is that when the CD came out the lead singer was 18 and I was more than twice that.

I love music and have a lot of CD's, my iPhone currently has 6100 songs on it, etc. etc.  But generally, up until this point, the singers had always been older, the same age or at most marginally younger than me.[3]  But this band was made up of teenagers.

That of course got me to thinking if that actually mattered.  Does the age of the band members matter when compared to the age of the listener?

To state it more clearly, did an eighteen year old have anything to say that was relevant to me or was I fooling myself?  Was it possible to age yourself out of "new" music?

The answer is, of course, no.

Why is it any more strange that someone older than a band likes their music than when someone significantly younger than a band does?  I hadn't given a thought to buying a new Paul McCartney album and he's 28 years older than me.

Granted you won't find me in the crowd, body-surfing or in the mosh pit at a Paramore concert[4], but then again you won't find me at McCartney concert either.  Concerts usually continue until way after my bed time.

Riot!: A

[1] - Christmas or Birthday I forget which.  And yes, I do too have friends.
[2] - The Interweb calls it "Emo, Pop-Punk"
[3] - I realize that isn't actually true, but that's how it felt anyway.
[4] - Or whatever it is those crazy kids do at concerts these days.

Fish Oil Pills

Fish Oil Pills: So I went to the doctor about two months ago to get one of those screenings that some insurance companies now require for you to get better rates and lower co-pays.  I didn't really know what the doc might tell me, but I don't think I would have been surprised if he told me that my cholesterol was too high.

Well he did tell me that my cholesterol needed fixing, but it wasn't because it was too high.  Instead he told me my HDL[1] was too low.  The solution for this was more exercise[2] and fish oil pills.  So on my next trip to Aldi, I picked up a bottle.


First of all these suckers are about the biggest pills I've seen.  They are the gel-cap type of pill so they are soft and squishy which helps when you're choking them down.[3]  If they were those hard chalky pills I suspect people would have serious trouble with them.


The real problem with these pills is the after effects.  About thirty minutes after taking them I get to start burping up fish oil.  Mmm mmm good.[4]  It's marginally better if I eat right after taking them.  But often that just means I get to burp up fish oil mixed with the flavor of whatever I just ate.  Good times![5]


Since I haven't had my cholesterol rechecked since then I have no idea if they are actually doing anything.  In fact if you read the packages of different brands they say things like, "May help to reduce . . ." and "Research suggests . . ."   In fact here's a quote directly from Wikipedia, the ultimate source of all accurate information on the Internet[6]: 


The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil are thought to be beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and possibly beneficial in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions remains to be proven.


Sounds good?  Here's the quote again with some key words highlighted:


The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil ARE THOUGHT TO BE beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and POSSIBLY BENEFICIAL in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions REMAINS TO BE PROVEN.


In other words, they don't really know if fish pills do anything at all.  Oh joy.


Fish Oil Pills, if they actually do help with HDL's and preventing heart disease: A-
Fish Oil Pills, if they don't: F


[1] - High Density Lipids.  The "good" cholesterol.
[2] - This was about a month after the Bean was born, so I had been doing a whole lot of nothing as far as exercise was concerned.  Any free time I had went towards catching up on sleep.
[3] - In truth I have no problem taking pills, but they are ridiculously large.
[4] - That was sarcasm.
[5] - Also sarcasm.
[6] - Still sarcasm.