Bacos

Betty Crocker Baco's Bacon Flavor Bits: Bacos are a two edge-sword.  By which I don't mean that they can cut you on multiple sides.  Instead I mean that they are wonderful tiny fake bacon pieces meant for you to put on a salad*.  Because while it is true that everything is better with bacon**, sometimes you just don't have the time to cook it.  And thus were Bacos created. Don't get me wrong, Bacos are not bacon.  They neither look, smell nor taste at all like bacon.  However they do look, smell and taste more like bacon than anything else in the world (except bacon) and thus they are our bacon substitute.  Bacos contain no actual bacon.  The first ingredient in Bacos is "defatted soy flour".  I don't know what any of the other ingredients are because after that first ingredient I stopped reading for fear of what I might find.  Defatted Soy Flour?!  I didn't think soy had or way flour and even if it somehow was how did it get fat?  Anyway back to Bacos and their two edge-swordiness***.  So when you find yourself in a sad (very sad) state of non-bacon affairs, you can rely on Bacos.  They never go bad, so buy the biggest bottle of them you can find and they can hang out in your fridge indefinitely.  Waiting to instantly come to your aid whenever you might need.  Then apply to your salad as needed.  And thus you have your bacon fix.  And thus you also have breath that could kill a donkey at 30 paces.  And thus you will be burping up fake bacon flavor for the next twelve hours.  Ah Bacos, you cruel mistress, you.

Bacos: C+

* - Or any where else you might want bacony goodness

** - Yes EVERYTHING

***- Technical Term