Challenged to Post, "Without Comment"

[It's been a minute since I wrote something here, but I thought I'd put this out there so I could easily reference it later should it become needed.]

Someone has challenged you over the next X days to post on some media platform pictures of:

 - Your favorite albums of all time.

 - The movies that were most influential on you.

 - The books could you read over and over.

 - The [some way of pretending to get random things] photo(s) on your phone. [1]

 - The food you blah blah blah . . . 

 - The place(s) you would yadda yadda yadda . . .

 - etc, etc, etc.

Let's be clear, I'm not opposed to these sorts of things.  I most likely am interested in what you might have to share.  After all, the reason we are ostensibly friends on whatever social media platform this is occurring on is because we both chose to be.  Thus, I probably care some amount about you and am interested at least on some level about who you are, what you care about, and other parts of you life.

But here's the supposed kicker, you have to post them, "without comment".  

Though I'm probably reading more dramatic emphasis into it than is really there, I always imagine it more like:

"I was challenged to post this, WITHOUT COMMENT!"  [Dum, dum, dummmmmmm!] [2]

But the question is, why?

Why wouldn't you comment?  What point is there to the whole thing if you don't comment?

Oh, here's some photo that seems important . . .

 . . .but I've no idea why.

Hey look, they like a movie that 90% of people like . . . 

 . . .  what a non-surprise.

They've read that famous book . . . 

. . . that millions of other people have read too.  

Complete non-shocker, and honestly, I don't care.

Of course if you were to comment then suddenly I do care.  Because now I know that the reason you picked that photo was because of [something meaningful and/or interesting].

Or maybe it wasn't.  Maybe you just like the way you look in that photo.  Or you just want to show the world your cute kid(s).

Maybe you just like that movie because of that one fight scene.  Or that one line.  Or because of that hot actor/actress is in it.  

And I suspect that's one of the real reasons people are so pleased to post "without comment".  Because they have nothing to say beyond, "I liked this."  Because their 10 things are completely banal and in truth uninteresting. 

A second reason is probably that after posting and commenting on 1 picture of their kid/dog/self/whatever that fulfills the requirement of this supposed challenge, they would really have nothing left to say on days 2 through 10.

A third reason, and most likely to most applicable is that people are lazy.

So, before I wrap this up.  Let me actually challenge you.

The next time someone "challenges" you to post pictures of whatever "without comment", I challenge you to completely ignore the lets 'o', 'u' and 't' in the word "without" and to post them WITH comments.

Because let's be honest.  One of the main reasons you accepted this "challenge" is that you were hoping people will think the things you picked are cool/interesting/say something about you, and/or that you want people to talk with you about it.  

There's nothing wrong with that, so skip the hoping someone will take the lame bait of a pic with no comments and start the conversation yourself.  

I for one will be way more likely to: 

 - pay attention

 - think about what you've posted for more than half a second

 - post a comment

And if the person who challenged you complains about your changing the rules, just reply to them with a link to this post.

Challenged to Post "Without Comment": D-

[1] - This is "Pretending to be random" because: A) if the randomly selected picture isn't something you want others to see; or B) isn't cool enough; or C) you really want to pick some other picture, we all know your just going to pick whatever you want.

[2] - That's a bad attempt at dramatic sounding music.

Chex Cereals

Chex Cereals:

For various reasons, we're going to cover all of the current Chex cereals in one post. [1]  We will also be leaving out the 6,000 varieties of Chex Mix. [2]

If you somehow don't know what I'm talking about when I say Chex then you should really get out of your bed more often and/or watch something on TV that has commercials. [3]

Visually all of the Chex are the same: little crispy squares of interlaced grains, vaguely pillow shaped [4] so they can hold milk.

With one exception they all have the quick to soggy problem of many grain cereals.  They aren't as bad as corn flakes, but you'd still better not dally once the milk hits the bowl.

The Varieties:

Corn/Rice Chex: I realize that these are two different varieties of Chex and thus might deserve two different grades, but let's be honest, besides the name and a slight color variation these two are interchangeable and otherwise identical.  They don't taste bad, but then again they don't really taste like much of anything.  They are also the quickest to turn to mush in your bowl.

They also come in a box larger than your average cereal box.  This might seem like a boon, but after you've eaten five bowls and are now sick of them, the box will sit and mock you from the pantry shelf for the next six months until you finally overcome the potential guilt and just  throw them away.

Corn/Rice Chex: B- [5]

Wheat Chex: Wheat Chex is the exception to the "Chex gets soggy quick in milk" rule.  They will eventually lose a bit of their rough edges, but unless you go off and watch a Peter Jackson movie between pouring the milk and eating, they will maintain crispiness throughout.

They taste pretty good.  Their taste improves significantly if you sprinkle just a bit of sugar on them. [6]  I honestly buy them pretty regularly.

Speaking of regular, you want to be careful about how much Wheat Chex you eat.  Alternately, if you decide to finish off the box in a few consecutive sittings, I would suggest not straying too far from your favorite toilet.  Too much Wheat Chex will clean you out like a freight train through your bowels. [7]

Wheat Chex: B

Honey Nut Chex: This is the dirty trick of Chex varieties.  They promise to be so much more, but then fail to deliver. [8]

Honey Nut Chex [calling from cereal aisle shelf]: Mr. Customer! Buy me!  I am sweet and delicious.  I have nuts.  I have honey.  I am so different from these other plain varieties.  You must buy me!
Me: Um.  Isn't that what you said last time?
HNC: No, that wasn't me.  That was Crispix.
Me: Are you sure.
HNC: I promise.  Think of the honey.  Think of the nuts.  Think of the children.
Me: Okay

The next morning you discover once again that you've been fooled into buying a box of Corn Chex in which the cereal has a light coating of something that makes it glisten slightly before it gets wet.  Once the milk hits them the truth is revealed and both the you and the Chex are sad.

Honey Nut Chex: C- 

Vanilla Chex: A relative newcomer to the Chex Universe, Vanilla Chex  rode in on the heels of Chocolate Chex [see below] and made it's bid for glory.  Alas it bid too low.  They are not bad, but not good enough to ever bother buying unless the store is out of Chocolate Chex.

Vanilla Chex: C+

Chocolate Chex: They is where the goodness lies.  Chocolate Chex are good stuff.  Chex covered in cocoa powder and other chocolate-y type goodness.  But they don't coat every piece.  No they leave about a third uncovered and normal.  That way you can still feel like you are eating a "good for you" cereal.

They are good with milk and they are good by the handful straight out of the box.  In fact, I usually end up eating them both ways since once you're done with a bowl of them, you wanna have more. [9]

Chocolate Chex: A

Cinnamon Chex: I must admit to having failed you in my quest to fully educate you about Chex.  I actually have never tried these.  I think cinnamon flavored things are okay, but the flavor doesn't really excite me terribly.  Thus, I have never bothered to buy these, though there were two or three times when I thought more than ten seconds about it, but then I bought Chocolate Chex. [10]

Chex on Amazon Cinnamon Chex: ??

Chex Clusters - Fruit and Oat: While thinking about writing this post, I discovered online that they now also have a new variety of Chex.  Once I see them on a shelf, I'll buy some and update this post.

Chex Clusters: ??

Past Varieties: Doing some research on the Interwebs [11] I found out that there are several past varieties of Chex that have come and gone.  Most of them I had never heard of, [12]  but I do remember Frosted Chex.  Not well enough to grade them, but enough to visualize the box in my head.

I have clear memories of Bran Chex.  If Wheat Chex is a freight train, then Bran Chex was Grand Central Station with all lines running. [13]  Also it tasted worse than Wheat Chex, so I'm not surprised it went away.

Finally, I have a memory of a Chex cereal that had little bits of nuts, brown sugar or other crunchy type goodness hanging off of each piece of cereal.  I don't recognize any of the list of Ex-Chex types as what I am remembering, maybe it was the Honey Graham Chex.  I just remember liking it. [14]

Chex Cereals: B+

[1] - Not the least of which is that I'm lazy.  Also, other reasons that should be evident as you read.  Also, if you haven't already read it, here's a really old post about Cereal in general you can read.
[2] - I'm also not commenting on the Gluten Free Chex Oatmeal, because Oatmeal is nasty.
[3] - And not just the same two commercials you get on Hulu during any given stretch of time
[4] - Couch not bed.
[5] - They probably scored a little higher than you might have thought given the commentary, but they are redeemed in part because of Muddy Buddies
[6] - That wasn't a joke saying you should pour a ton of sugar on them, really just a light sprinkle is sufficient.
[7] - Don't say I didn't warn you.
[8] - I feel compelled to tell you, before you read the next exchange, that for reasons I cannot explain the box of Honey Nut Checks in the vignette speaks with a French accent.
[9] BONUS: Looking for a great late night snack?  Put them in a bowl and cover them with a generous amount of lite Cool Whip.  Give a very light mix and enjoy.  Delicious and relatively lo-cal.  You can send me a thank you letter in the morning.
[10] - Why not buy both, you ask?  If I'm going to spend that much money, I'll just buy another box of Chocolate Chex.  Or maybe a Wheat Chex if the mood strikes me.
[11] - By which I mean Wikipedia.
[12] - Wheat and Raisin Chex?  Strawberry Chex?
[13] - Or was that visualization a little too much?
[14] - It's probably also why Honey Nut Chex still manages to sucker me once a year or so.

Crispix

Crispix: 

I have memories of when Crispix was first introduced as a cereal.

I remember the original commercial and the jingle and the slogan [1]

I remember getting the cereal not long thereafter;

And I have fond memories of eating it and truly enjoying its crispy goodness and flavor.

. .

Memories lie.

Crispix was on sale recently so I bought some.  When I got around to opening it [2] I was greeted with familiar sights and smells.  Crispix has that unique hexagon shape.  Which, let's face it, is completely there so that you don't start thinking it is Chex.  And it smelled just like I remembered.

After the milk was poured I dug in.

The flavor was okay.  Nothing to write home about but nothing I will ever long for.

In my memories Crispix is crunchy, but has some body to it.  There is some substance to each little bit.

In reality, each one has about the same thickness and substance as two corn flakes.

But the real travesty is that while they are crispy right out of the box and they are crispy when the milk is poured, that is a condition that lasts for approximately five seconds after that.

It's time for a new slogan. [3]

Crispix: C

[1] - "Kellog's Crispix is crispy times two."
[2] - Likely the next morning, but possibly that night.
[3] - "Kellog's Crispix is crispy for two [seconds]."

 

Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch

Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal:

There are several different varieties of Cap’n Crunch and to be sure I’ve tried them all.  Except for a brief, unrepeated stint in my early years, I’ve never been a huge fan of the peanut butter flavor and I found the Chocolate Crunch to be unappetizing, but all of the other varieties grace my bowl from time to time. [1]

Given all of that, you might have thought that when I and the family entered our local Target and saw the Cap’n’s newest offering I would have been eager with anticipation, but it wasn’t like that at all.

Somehow the idea of the already sugary sweet Cap’n Crunch being combined with frosted donuts seemed to take things much too far. [2] 

The Pook wasn’t nearby while the Bear and I made our initial opinions.  As I’ve already said, I was immediately a ‘no go’ on this one, but after gazing at the box the Bear looked up at me and said, “Let’s get it!”

Using a time honored and proven strategy passed down from generations, I immediately said, “Let’s see what mom says.”  I was semi-sure that she would be as put off by the whole thing as I was.  However, when she wheeled the Bean up to us in the red target buggy and saw giant display of the cereal in question she immediately said, “Let’s get it!”

That evening, though dinner had long past and breakfast was but a distant memory, the Bear asked if he could have a snack.  When told that he could, he asked if he could have some of the new donut cereal.[3]  And thus we broke into the box.

The cereal is more akin to Quaker “Oh’s” than Cap’n Crunch.  Each bit is shaped like a small donut and they definitely lives up to their name and are very crunchy.  In fact it is one of the few cereals that benefits from sitting for a few seconds so that it can soak up some of the milk and soften a bit.[4]

There are in fact, tiny sprinkles on each of the rings, though honestly I don’t know that they provide any real flavor to the dish.  They do have the unfortunate side effect of coloring your milk.  Usually I’m all for colored milk, but because the sprinkles are a variety of colors the end result is a kind of gray with a slight blue tint that does not look appetizing at all. [5]

And what about the flavor you ask?

Surprisingly they are downright tasty.  The four of us ate over half of the box that night eating the cereal dry right out of the box.  It makes for a great snack when eaten that way.

The next morning I had it for breakfast with milk and it is equally tasty eaten in the traditional manner.  Again it strongly reminds me of “Oh’s” in its flavor as well has shape and texture.

In fact, since it was on sale and tasted so good that the Pook went back to Target that day and bought two more boxes.

Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch: A-

[1] – To be completely honest, in recent years I have found the Crunch Berries and Oops! All Berries to be too sugary sweet and thus I pretty much only eat the regular Cap’n Crunch at this point.

[2] – My stomach actually gave a little squirch of distaste as I gazed at the purple box.

[3] – Because cereal is by no means just for breakfast.

[4] – As opposed to most cereals which are of the “eat fast before it sogs” variety.

[5] – Of course, I never drink the milk from regular Cap’n Crunch either as it is so sugary sweet it promises an instant case of diabetes

Cereal Combinations

Cereal Combinations:

If you've been reading this blog for a while [1] you are aware that I have more than a passing fancy with cereal.

Since it is unlikely that you have ventured into the realm as much as I, here are some combinations involving cereal that you might not have thought to try:

1) Froot Loops and Cap'n Crunch: This combination occur earlier today because of two factors.  First, I wanted to finish off the box of Froot Loops that had been in the pantry forever and secondly because the Bear ate half the bowl that was left. [2]

Turns out it isn't that bad.  Actually, I would call it an improvement on both of the base cereals.  A problem with Froot Loops is that the flavor is overpowering.  With the Cap'n Crunch in their the flavor was diluted and quite enjoyable.  A problem with Cap'n Crunch is that it can tear up the roof of your mouth.  The presence of the Froot Loops eliminated this.

I suspect to get the best out of this combo you should mix the two cereals together first.

The resulting combo wasn't anything amazing and will likely be forgotten never to be eaten again, but there's one less box in the pantry and I enjoyed consuming it.

Froot Loops and Cap'n Crunch: B

2) Cocoa Krispies and Honey Smacks: Unlike the first entry, this is actually a combination that I intentionally eat from time to time.  It tastes best when you do not mix the two cereals but have a bottom layer of one and a top layer of the other.

In truth, I've had this enough times that I've come to realize that it actually matters which one is on the bottom and which is on top.  Unfortunately, I can never remember which goes where.  Right now my gut instinct [3] is telling me that the Krispies go on bottom and the Smacks on top.

You can also sub out the Honey Smacks for Golden Crisp.  Though Golden Crisp is a bit too sugary sweet for me and I don't prefer it.  And you can sub out the Cocoa Krispies for Cocoa Pebbles.  That swap gets you a slightly different taste that is just as good, but does subject you to the problem of Pebbles which is that they quickly turn to mushy paste in the bowl. [4]

The resulting combo is really good and different enough from the originals that it stand on its own.

Cocoa Krispies and Honey Smacks: A-

3) Frosted Flakes and any type Ice Cream:  It's possible you've ventured into the "cereal on top of ice cream" genre.  You almost [5] can't go wrong.  But in my vast experience, the king of ice cream toppers is Frosted Flakes.  Any variety of Frosted Flakes will do, but as previously stated, I prefer the Aldi brand. [6]

Granted I technically haven't put them on every type of ice cream in the world, so I can't testify that they will do much to help out your Pistachio Nut, [7]  but they are solid additions to the many varieties we frequently buy.

Frosted Flakes and any type of Ice Cream: A+

4) Grape-nuts combined with anything: Grape Nuts are guaranteed to completely have no effect when paired with anything else.  That is, as long as you leave the Grape Nuts off and just eat the other thing.  Because let's face it, as previously stated Grape Nuts are disgusting.

They might slightly improved the taste of a bowl full of cold poison, but I'll never know for sure.

Grape Nuts combined with Anything: F 

[1] - Or for just the last seven posts.
[2] - It is also the inspiration for this post.
[3] - Ha!
[4] - The solution is either eat really fast or eat half a bowl at a time.
[5] - Note the "almost".
[6] - Here is why.
[7] - But then I suspect nothing will.

Cereal: Aldi vs the Name Brands

Cereal: Aldi vs the Name Brands:

I have previously talked about how much I love cereal. [1]

And I suspect at some point I will talk about how much I like the store Aldi. [2]

One of the many things I like about Aldi is that there store brand is often as good, if not better, than the name brands.  This is very true with their cereals.

Aldi cereals are boxed under the name: Millville. [3]

I have, naturally, tried many of these and now I present to you a face-off between the Aldi brands and their name brand counterparts. [4]

Kid's Crunch vs Cap'n Crunch (Quaker): Just so you don't think this is going to be a completely one sided review, I figured I start with this one.  To put it bluntly, I think a bowl of Styrofoam would be better.  This stuff was flavorless and texturally was like Cap'n Crunch which had gotten soggy, dried out and then went stale. [5]  There is a peanut butter version of Kid's Crunch, but I don't really like the peanut butter version of Cap'n Crunch, so you won't catch me trying it.

The Verdict: Quaker is the clear winner.

Honey Crunch 'n Oats vs Honey Bunches of Oats (Post):  I think that there are two Aldi versions of this one, as compared to the six hundred versions of the Post cereal. [6]  The Aldi versions don't taste exactly like the Post cereals but they taste just as good in their own way.  Also the Aldi versions don't have quite as many oat clusters. [7]

The Verdict: A tie.

Frosted Flakes vs Frosted Flakes (Kellogg's): If you hadn't noticed before the name "Frosted Flakes" is not actually copyrighted. So everybody tends to have their own version.  I'm a big fan of the frosted flakes, despite the fact that they go soggy in milk very quickly.  Well the Aldi version slightly solves that by coating each flake in ten pounds of sugar.  This makes them oh so much better. [8]  And just like the Kellogg's version the flake part gets all stuck up in your teeth.

The Verdict: Aldi wins

Chocolate Frosted Flakes vs Frosted Flakes: Choco Zucaritas (Kellogg's): The Kellogg's version used to be called Frosted Flakes Chocolate with Choco Zucaritas in smaller writing underneath, but while you weren't watching they dropped the word Chocolate all-together.  Last summer (2013) there was an Aldi version.  It was probably the noisiest cereal ever invented [9] Nevertheless it was very good.  I am sad that they have not yet brought it back.

The Verdict: Aldi wins

Crispy Oats vs Cheerios (General Mills): The Aldi version isn't bad, but it isn't very good either.

The Verdict: General Mills wins

Honey Nut Crispy Oats vs Honey Nut Cheerios (General Mills): Every once in a while I get a hankering for Honey Nut Cheerios.  If I'm lucky I can satisfy it away from home, because if I buy a box, I eat one bowl and then it sits on the shelf until it goes stale.  The Aldi version tastes effectively the same but the O's are much harder and crunchier.  Which I actually think is a positive.  And I spend less money as it sits on the shelf going bad.

The Verdict: Aldi wins.

Apple Cinnamon Crispy Oats vs Apple Cinnamon Cheerios (General Mills): Aldi used to stock this on a regular basis.  It came in the same cases as the Honey Nut version, but I guess it didn't sell as well because they no longer make it.  To me it tasted better than the the Cheerios version and it was also much harder and crunchier.  Which was even more of a positive in this case.

The Verdict: Aldi wins.

Peanut Butter Cocoa Puffs vs Reese's Puffs (General Mills): Reese's Puffs are pretty tasty, but the Aldi version are just a bit more coated in the peanut butter goodness.  Besides making them taste better, it also makes them just a bit heavier.  Also, they actually retain the milk inside themselves better than Reese's Puffs.

The Verdict: Aldi wins handily.

Fruit Rounds vs Froot Loops (Kellogg's): Remember how I said the Kid's Crunch was kind of like flavorless Styrofoam?  Well they take the stuff that was too flavorful for the Kid's Crunch and use it to make the Fruit Rounds.  Blaaaagh!

The Verdict: Kellogg's win easily [10]

Marshmallows and Stars vs Lucky Charms (General Mills): The cereal bits are bad. The marshmallows are gross.  About the only good thing about this cereal is that it comes packaged in a box that fits easily into your trash can.

The Verdict: General Mills wins decisively.

Aldi Raisin Bran vs Kellogg's Raisin Bran vs Post Raisin Bran: This is another example of a cereal name that isn't copyrighted.  All three are pretty good.  Not something I go to on a regular basis.  [11]  Of the three I like the Kellogg's version the best.

The Verdict: Kellogg's wins by a nose [12]

Crunchy Granola Raisin Bran vs Raisin Bran Crunch (Kellogg's): Again both of the cereals are fine.  But the Aldi version's flakes are tastier and crunchier.

The Verdict: Aldi wins

Cinnamon Crunch Squares vs Cinnamon Toast Crunch (General Mills): The Aldi version has more powdery cinnamon and sugar on it.  This makes it a little more toothsome [13].  Either are fine, but we go through a lot of the Aldi version in our house.

The Verdict: Aldi wins.

Corn Squares/Rice Squares vs Corn Chex/Rice Chex (Quaker): All of them test nearly the same.  The Aldi versions are even harder to tell apart.  The Aldi versions are also just a bit less solid.  This gives a slight edge to the Chex.

The Verdict: Quaker Wins.

There are actually a lot of other Aldi versions of cereals but as they are versions of name brand cereals that I don't eat in the first place, I've never bothered to try them.

Looking at the results it seems like you've got about a 50% chance that an Aldi Millville cereal will be better than name brand version and since the Aldi versions are much cheaper, I never feel bad about trying them out and then if they suck, throwing them away.

[1] - You can read it here
[2] - Perhaps the future version of myself can come back and put that link here.
[3] - Any similarity to the name 'General Mills' is entirely coincidental. I'm sure.
[4] - Presented, mostly, in the order I thought of them.
[5] - If that's even possible.
[6] - And that is only a slight exaggeration.
[7] - Which might be an issue for you, but wasn't for me.
[8] - I also highly recommend them poured onto ice cream.
[9] - With the obvious exception of the tooth shattering Grape Nuts.
[10] - And hopefully the Fruit Rounds die.
[11] - If you need your colon cleared out any of the three will do you proud.
[12] - Or should I have said by a scoop?
[13] - If I can say that without sounding too pompous.

Lucky Charms

Lucky Charms Cereal: I read somewhere that if you were one of those parents who restricted what cereal your children could eat* because you didn't want them eating a bowl full of sugar that Lucky Charms was the best of the bad for you cereals.  Said differently, that while Lucky Charms is definitely what my mom would call a "sugar cereal"**, it's actually not that bad for you.  In fact, comparing it to some cereals that are considered "healthy", I found that Lucky Charms is often the winner.  Which is good because Lucky Charms is downright tasty stuff.  Obviously it has a huge plus in that it has marshmallows in it.  While I'm off topic (because I now am), I don't really know why they call the things in cereal marshmallows. They have no real similarities to actual marshmallows other than they are both made up of mostly sugar.  Actual marshmallows are smooshy and chewy.  Cereal marshmallows are hard and crumbly.  Lucky Charms' marshmallows come in a variety of colors and shapes and while it used to be a childhood badge of honor to be able to name them all, memorizing them now would be an exercise in futility, as they seem to change them every other week.  The grain part of Lucky Charms is pretty good too and there is a good ratio of marshmallows to non-marshmallow pieces.  One thing I don't like about Lucky Charms is how it changes the milk in your bowl to a pinkish, sugary milk.  About half the time I forgo this and just dump it out.  Finally, from time to time companies will come out with new products that are just a part of their old product and try to use that to break into a new market.  Often this is in the baking aisle.  For instance Reese's has peanut butter chips and M&M's has mini-baking pieces.  I think they should start selling the Lucky Charms marshmallows separately.  I bet you could make some awesome desserts.  Rice Crispy treats with Lucky Charms marshmallows?  Yes, please!  Of course, alternately you could just eat the whole bag by itself.  With or without the milk.

Lucky Charms: A-

* - Then you must be communist.
** - As is that was somehow a bad thing.

 

Grape Nuts Cereal

Post Grape-Nuts Cereal: I talked about loving cereal several posts ago, but I haven't actually graded any specific cereals.  So I thought I would do that and I will start with Grape Nuts*.  (In the interest of full disclosure and for reasons that will become evident momentarily (in the next sentence actually), this is another of those grades in which I haven't actually eaten the food in a long time.)  Grape Nuts are nasty.  In fact, Grape Nuts aren't even actually cereal.  Grape Nuts are rocks posing as cereal.  In my entire life, I have never actually met someone who honestly likes Grape Nuts.  Though I guess the fact that it is still for sale is a testament that somebody must be buying the stuff.  My theory is that because of its "rock like" consistency** it never actually goes bad.  So every year or so they take the old boxes that are starting to show wear and pour the cereal back into a fresh new box. Alternately, it could be that they are so cheap to produce*** that they can afford to get by only selling one box every other month or so.  I suspect these situations play out like this.  Some unsuspecting person looking for something new in the realm of cereal goodness spies the box of Grape Nuts sitting on the top shelf of the aisle along with other similar ultra-healthy, colon cleansing cereals and thinks, "That stuff's been around forever.  It must be pretty good!"  They buy a box of it.  Take it home and pour out a bowl.  Add milk.  Scoop up a spoonful and then proceed to send themselves straight to the emergency dentist by attempting to chew it.  I know you think I'm just using some hyperbole here, but this stuff is really just a box of rocks.  I have no idea why the word 'grape' appears in its title, because there isn't anything grape about the stuff.  And while there are supposedly nuts in it, if there actually are then it must be the shells of nuts and not the actual meat of the nut.  Now I know what some of you are saying.  Some of you are saying, but my cousin Fred loves the stuff!  Really?  Have you ever actually seen him eating it?  I thought not.  Others of you are saying, No, Mr. B.  What you need to do is pour milk on it and then heat it in the microwave.  Then it gets wonderful and warm and mushy like oatmeal.  Clearly, you missed the post about oatmeal.

Grape Nuts: F

* - Don't ask me why Grape Nuts got to go first.  Just what popped into my head.
** - Read this as: "Because they are rocks."
*** - Because really scooping some rocks out of a gravel pit can't be that expensive.

Oatmeal

Oatmeal: My original thought when creating this blog was that I wouldn't rate something until after I had recently experienced it.  Thus, if I wanted to rate a food, I would wait until I had some of it.  However, it has occurred to me that under those rules there are some foods that I will never rate and thus there needs to be an exception to the rule.  Today is one of them.  What is there that I can say that is positive about oatmeal?  Not much.  The stuff is hideous.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it has no redeeming features at all.  But wait you say, it's great because you can add whatever toppings you want to it and make it taste however you want.  Sure, but that's also true of book paste, dirt and gruel.  (Oh wait, oatmeal is gruel.)   Also if the main thing a food has going for it is that I can make it taste like something else, then why aren't I just eating the something else?  My mother used to make us eat oatmeal for breakfast before school in the winters.  This was doubly offensive.  First, I wasn't allowed to eat cereal (see previous post for why this was a problem).  Secondly, I had to eat oatmeal.  My strategy was to make it as thick as possible and still be able to consume it.  I would put as large a spoonful in my mouth as I could conceivably swallow without actually chewing it.  (Not that chewing it would serve much purpose.)  That way I could avoid actually tasting it (much) and get done as fast as possible.  My brother (and now my wife who btw loves oatmeal), would eat his so runny that it was more like a bowl of milk with blobs of mush floating in it.  What a way to ruin some milk.  It practically gives me the wigguns.*  I vowed then and there that when I got older I'd never eat oatmeal again and that's a vow that I plan to keep.  It has occurred to me that that oatmeal does have two redeeming features.  One is that it makes a nice cookie.  The other is that I once knew a girl that really really really really really loved oatmeal and she was nice, but then that actually doesn't have much to do with the oatmeal.

Oatmeal: F

* - technical term.  Look it up.

Cereal

Cereal: I love cereal.  I mean I really love cereal.  I love all kinds of cereal.  I like the sugary bad for you kind and I like the healthy good for you kind.  I like the kinds that turn your milk chocolaty and the kinds that turn to mush if you don't eat it fast enough.  It's a rare and despicable box of cereal that I don't like.  I'm sure I'll rate a lot of cereals individually later on, so right now Ill just talk about cereal in general.  And my love for it.  I would eat cereal every day of my life if I had the time.  Most days in the morning I am too nonfunctional and too rushed to sit down and eat cereal.  So instead I eat Pop-Tarts (I'll rate those later.  But as a preview, yum!).  Thus I usually get my cereal fix on the weekend or perhaps for dinner if I'm lazy (and lucky).  I can remember when I was growing up we would wake up at stupid-o'clock on Saturday morning.  My brother and I would grab bowls, spoons, milk and cereal and gorge ourselves while watching cartoons.  That was the high life.  If there is any downside to cereal, it's that no matter how much you eat, two hours later you use the bathroom and you're hungry again.  Of course, then you can just eat more cereal.  I tend to buy whatever cereal is on sale.  It's fine with me since I like it all.  Sometimes I buy too much.  When my wife and I first got married, we had an island in the center of our kitchen that we used for storage.  If something good was on sale, I would buy two boxes and put the extra one in the island.  When we moved into our house, there were over twenty boxes of cereal in there.  Some of them dating back for years.  Now I just stack it on the top self of the pantry.  It's the "tower of cereal power".  If the tower starts getting too short, times are sad.  Things are great when there is so much cereal the top box just barely slides in above the ceiling. That's living.

Cereal: A+