Flaming Hot Funyuns

Funyun's Flamin' Hot Onion Flavored Rings: A few years ago I encountered a package of Hot Cheese Curls (or something like that), it was a package of 'almost name-brand but actually no-name puffed Cheetos-like snack' that was bright red and, according to the package, exceedingly hot.  When I read the ingredients label, I was stunned to find not one ingredient that even came close to sounding vaguely like something that might be misconstrued as food.  Thus, I was pleasantly surprised when I looked at the back of a package of Flaming Hot Funyuns and found they were mostly made of things that might be misconstrued as food.  I'm pretty sure all they are is a standard Funyun coated in bright red 'flaming hot' powder.  I like Funyuns.  They're not my snack of choice or anything, but from time to time I will divert to them.  And I generally like hot foods: wings, jalapenos, spicy Doritos, etc.  So, I was keen to give these a try.  Ultimately they were kind of lacking.  When you eat one, you can still taste the underlying 'Funyun' which is fine, then there is a slight vinegary taste and then there's hot.  For the record, hot is not a taste.  There are five different types of tastes your tongue can discern.  They are: sweet, salty, bitter, sour and savory*.  Note how 'hot' isn't in that list.  So really what you have are some Funyuns sprinkled in vinegar, which tastes neither pleasant nor unpleasant and then you have hot.  Not so hot that you're guzzling water or anything, but hot enough that any pleasant flavor sensations you might be experiencing are gone.  You can then either repeat this process until your portion is gone or you can move on to something better.  I'd suggest the latter.

Flaming Hot Funyuns: C

* If you were under the impression there were only four, you're a bit behind on the times.  The Japanese found a fifth one.  They called it Umami.  We of course immediately renamed it to Savory.