Super Stick Man Golf

Super Stick Man Golf: Noodlecake Studios makes computer games.  In particular they make games for cell phones.  In even more particularness they make Super Stick Man Golf.

I came upon this game while searching through the free games section of the app store on my iPhone.  The game evidently wasn't always free, but I guess having made enough money on it the folks at Noodlecake decided to start giving it away.

Whatever the actual reason, I thank them heartily because I love this game.

No seriously, I love it.

Okay, not actually love love it, but I love it as much as you can love any collection of 1's and 0's being used to represent a small stick man whacking a tiny white circle around an increasingly bizarre set of courses.

The game itself is simple enough.  You are a stick man.  You play golf.  You try to get the ball into the hole in as few shots as possible.

There are approximately 37 or so courses in the game.  Each is nine holes.  They are supposedly grouped according to difficulty, but I suspect they are more grouped according to some other characteristic.  [1]

Like all good games there are achievements to earn.[2]  Things like getting a hole-in-one or ending a course at ten under par or better.  There are also some goofy achievements related to some of the enhancements you can unlock. [3]

The enhancements are mostly special balls.  The ice ball will freeze a water hazard and thus allow you to avoid losing two strokes to a bad shot.  The sticky ball will adhere to any surface (besides water) and allows you to take your next shot hanging from the ceiling if that's what thrills you.  The super ball flies ten times farther and is consequently on fire.  etc.  etc. You get the idea.  There are also a couple of enhancements that change the course instead of the ball.  Like the hazard swap that makes all the water traps on a hole into sand traps and vice versa.

You can put up to seven special enhancements into your "golf bag" for any course.  Thus, you have to choose wisely.  Though a perfectly good way to play is just to take seven mulligans.  They let you undo your last shot and try again.

Anyway, back to my undying love for this game.

How much do I love it you ask?  Well let me tell you how much I've played so far.

The first time through I just played all of the courses and unlocked all of the enhancements and earned all of the achievements.[4]  Some of which are not easy.  Of course, I did all of this without using any of the enhancements save the mulligan.

Having done that I played all of the courses again until I had scored a gold star on all of them. [5]  Again, I naturally did this without using any enhancement except the mulligan.

Now I'm going through course by course and determining what is the lowest score you could get using the enhancements and then I am attempting to get that score. [6]  For instance, I've gotten a -36 on the Purple Haze course.

If you are dying to know how I'm playing each course.  Don't worry, I've got a chart I'm working on that will tell you which enhancement to use for each hole and what is the best score you can achieve.  I'll publish it once I've finished.

You might think I have a problem.  It's not a problem.  It's love. [7]

Super Stick Man Golf: A+


[1] - There are a couple of pretty tough courses in the 'beginner' set and some of the 'advanced' set are downright easy.  I'm willing to bet that they are actually pretty much grouped according to when they were made.
[2] - Okay like all games lately, good or bad.
[3] - Like sinking the flaming super ball into a water hazard.  More on that later.
[4] - Except for the multi-player ones.  Our relationship is a private one.
[5] - A gold star means you scored ten under par or better.
[6] - I'm calling it a success if I get within four strokes.
[7] - A love that will never end.  Or anyway, won't end until Super Stick Man Golf 2 comes out later this year.  Color me excited.

The Olympics

The Olympics: If, on a regular basis, you do anything other than contemplate your navel, you're bound to hear people ranting about politics and about how the other guy[1] is a horrible person and how they're going to ruin America.  In fact, patriotism, or the lack there of, seem to always come up in some form or other.[2]  Similar arguments are heard when things like immigration, manufacturing and getting involved in other countries problems are discussed.[3]

And so we come to the Olympics.  For as much as people shout and rant about how much they love America, Patriotism, the Flag and anything else that is symbolic of our great country, you would think that the Olympics would be a Super-Mega-Gigantic-Huge!!!! Event.  But some how the Olympics get dismal ratings every time they come on.

Which simply stuns me.  What more could you want?  You would be hard pressed to come up with any way to better show how great a country we are than the Olympics.  In fact, the Soviet Union found the Olympics to be so important that in a country that struggled to keep people fed, they gave their potential Olympic athletes the best of everything so that they could win and rub our noses in their superiority.  In America, people watch the opening ceremonies and then once the parade of nations starts they flip back to the reruns of American Idol they have saved on their TiVo.

In case you haven't guessed how I feel about the Olympics let me quit beating around the bush.

The Olympics are beyond awesome.  A competition between people who have essentially dedicated their lives to trying to become the best in the world in their sports, competition, etc.  And for the most part why do they do this?  Not for the money, that's for sure.  No they do it so that they can represent their country and hopefully stand proudly, just a few inches higher than the guy who came in second while our national anthem plays and our flag is flown.

And it really doesn't matter what kind of sports you like, the Olympics has you covered.  Just about every team sport is represented.[4]  There are races of every variety: on foot, on a bike, on a boat, even on a yak and that's just the summer Olympic.[5]

Needs some violence?  Okay how about boxing, or judo, or taekwondo.  This year they even added in girls boxing.  There's weight lifting.  There are several events that involve guns.  There's two types of volleyball.  Countless things that are thrown, flung or shot through the air.  Need something a bit prettier?  How about so much gymnastics you think you're going to puke?  Or synchronized swimming?  


There's even Olympic Ping Pong.  Seriously ping pong.  And as silly as that sounds, go watch them play, it's astounding.  Same thing with badminton.  Yeah, I know you play badminton in your back yard and you think you're lord of the shuttlecock.  Trust me, compared to these guys you look like Slow-Poke Rodriguez.[6]


Maybe you simply don't like sports.  That's okay too.  It's the Olympics!  There's enough pageantry to overload even Morningside and Fields.[7]  Plus they spend plenty of time telling you all about the athletes, their successes and their trials and tribulations, that you practically feel like you've been rooting for them since they first picked up a racket, baton, oar, reins or whatever.

And how does this great nation do?  This nation that everyone seems to think is falling apart at the seams.  This nation that compared to some nations practically ignores its Olympic athletes.  We totally kick butt, that's how we do.  Out of the 16,321 medals awarded in the modern Olympics, we've taken 2,549 of them.[8] For those of you afraid of math, that's a little over 15.5%  The second highest has 1204 and that's the Soviet Union.[9]  How about on an individual Olympic basis?  Still dominating.  We usually end up with most medals and often the most gold medals.

Anyway my point is this.  These people spend their lives getting up at the crack of dawn to run, swim, ride, work out, etc, etc for essentially their entire lives.  The least you could do is sit on your butt and watch them. As they represent our country.

Now if you'll excuse me, some guy I've never heard of, from some country I'm never going to visit, is about to compete and I've got to go listen to Bob Costas make it poignant for me.


The Olympics: A+

[1] - As opposed to whoever it is you are listening to rant at the moment.
[2] - I know this post was supposed to be about the Olympics, hang on I'm getting there.
[3] - Heck, Glen Beck could probably use your liking Ketchup as a means to prove you're a commie, but then again he's an idiot.
[4] - Granted there's no football or rather American football.
[5] - Okay, I made up one of those.  But then you realize I was pulling your leg when you read the word 'boat'.
[6] - It's Speedy Gonzales' cousin, but you've probably never heard of him, because in a fit of PC stupidity, Warner Brothers caved and hid him in a closet somewhere.
[7] - IMDB it.
[8] - Not counting this year.
[9] -  And you don't have to worry about them getting any more

Mini-Golf @ Pigeon Forge

Mini Golf (a.k.a. - Putt Putt) @ Pigeon Forge[1]: As state in a previous post, the Pook and I recently spent a few days in Pigeon Forge.  We picked that spot for three main reasons.  One of which was that they have a lot of mini-golf courses and the Pook had a hankering.[2]  So here are the definitive grades for the courses that we visited.[3]

Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: Sticking with two of the Pigeon Forge traditions, this course is country themed and owned by Ripley's. In Pigeon Forge, if you aren't interested in looking at people shove nails up their noses, Ripley's is more than willing to take your money in a variety of other venues.  Including an aquarium, a world's record museum and at least six other attractions including one that's a 4D theater.[4]  


We visited this course first, mainly because there was a retarded amount of traffic and we were right beside it.  None of it's three courses were really difficult at all and they were very "luck" related.  A slope filled with gophers that make your ball pachinko down the hill is a good example.  Thus good and bad players alike won't have any trouble getting the ball near the hole. So it's fun to watch but doesn't require much skill. Lot's of large animal figures talk to you throughout in bad accents and make awful puns.  There's also a repetitive country instrumental song that plays constantly that will haunt your dreams for the next three days. (Cow Course: B: 40 P: 46,  Chicken Course: B: 34 P: 39, Pig Course: B: 40, P: 43)


Hazzard County Country Club: This course was located at Cooter's Place in Gatlinburg.  Cooter also has a museum, store and go-carts.[5]  We initially passed this by, but ended up rushing back when the sky opened up and started trying to drown us.  The course is indoors on the second floor of a building that clearly used to be house.  Thus the different holes wind down the hallways and in the rooms, which is sort of strange.  There's Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia on the walls throughout.  In the end we were glad we visited this course because it turned out to be one of the best.  There was no random junk on the holes but there were plenty of slopes and bumpers which meant you had to be skillful and not just lucky.  (B: 47, P: 52)


Hillbilly Golf: Originally I had no interest in playing this course that's located in Gatlinburg, but when the Pook read that you had to take a ride in an incline up the side of the mountain and then the holes wandered back down the mountains side, I was very interested.  When we were walking by and saw that one hole of golf cost $13 my interested evaporated.  You can save money by walking 50 yards back up the road to Cooter's.

Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: Two different courses are offered here.  You can take a mine train up to the first hole of both or you can walk up the stairs.  If you're into short train rides in a tiny mine car take the train.  If you want to beat everyone else to the first hole, take the stairs.  Lot's of decorations and such to look at, but most of the holes are just big putting greens without any obstacles, slopes or bumpers.  So kinda lame.  Of course the greens are large and the holes so far from the edges that you end up taking a lot of strokes.  (Gold Course: B: 55 P: 63, Diamond Course: B: 52 P: 55)

Adventure Golf: Two different courses that are a bit run down but don't let that put you off.  They were my favorite of all the ones we visited.  Very challenging with slopes, bumpers and obstacles placed in a way that required you to have skill and not just luck.  Also a lot of giant monsters and buildings give it good ambiance.  I highly recommend this one.  (Course 1: B: 43, P: 48,  Course 2: B: 46, P: 47)

Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: The last place we visited.  Random animals and firehouse equipment decorate the two courses.  Unfortunately a lot of the time the right call was to completely avoid those and hit around them.  For instance on one hole you can send you ball through a loop-the-loop or you can putt beside it and get right to the hole.  The two best parts of this course were the following.

On one hole there is a ladder lying across the end of a ramp that requires you putt between the rungs to get your ball to the lower green.  The Pook upon seeing this said, "You know I'm totally going to hit the rung don't you?"  She then putted and hit directly on the ladder rung causing the ball to roll all of the way back to the start.  Then she did it again.  Laughter ensued.

As the scores I've listed at the end of each courses review reveal, I had won every round of golf we played up until this point.  On the phone with my mom[6] she said I should be a good husband and let the Pook win one[7].  Having dominated her on the first course and knowing that this was the last mini-golf we would be playing, the second course was the last chance she would have to win.  The round started with me choking on the first hole and taking six strokes to her three.  Rapidly the Pook increased her lead to six strokes by the sixth hole.  So, while I don't usually play to lose, I was happy that it looked like she would actually win a round.  Fast forward to the eighteenth hole and the score is tied.  Like a lot of courses the last hole was a goofy thing that you were supposed to do in one stroke.  You putted down a slope to five openings in the side of a box.  Getting the ball into the center opening counted as one stroke.  The openings on either side of that were two strokes and the outer two openings were three strokes.  The Pook went first and the ball rolled straight down the slope and struck the divider on the left side of the one stroke hole and didn't go into any hole.  So she walked up and putted it into the one stroke hole (thus counting as two strokes).  I lined up and prepared to putt.  If I made it into the one hole I would win.  The two hole would mean a tie and the three hole would mean the Pook finally won one.  I hit the ball and it hit a microscopic bump on the lip at the start of the slope.  The ball shot up into the air and flew to the left[8].  From there it landed on the edge of rail on the left edge of the entire green and shot straight into the one stroke hole. Sorry Pook, some things are just not meant to be. (Red Course: B: 42, P: 51, Yellow Course: B: 45, P: 46).

Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: B-
Hazzard County Country Club: A
Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: B+
Adventure Golf: A+
Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: B

[1] Actually some of these are located in Gatlinburg and not Pigeon Forge, but the two are essentially the same place anyway.
[2]The other two reasons are that it is an inexpensive vacation and that it was in a different state than our children.
[3] These courses represent only a fraction of the choices available.  I don't think anyone actually loves mini-golf enough to actually play all of the courses in the area.
[4] Which makes it one D short of the 5D theater we saw in Gatlinburg.
[5] The entire place was a homage to everything Dukes of Hazzard.  Including a TV that constantly runs episodes of the show.  Having not seen one since I was a young lad let me tell you this.  Man are those bad.
[6] No I don't call my mom every day while on vacation.  Unless she's watching my kids, then I totally do.
[7] Yeah right.
[8] At which point I thought to myself, "Oh well.  I've lost this one."

First Game of Catch (almost)

First Game of Catch (almost): Just before Easter, Aldi had little kid baseball gloves on sale for cheap.  So we bought one to put in the boy's basket.  Being three and an American, it seemed past time he had one.  On Easter morning, after we described the point of the large black and brown thing taking up valuable candy space he replied, "I don't want it" and refused to even try it on.  Several weeks and a new baby brother later, I decided it was time to retry introduction of America's past-time.  Earlier in the day, while we were wasting time channel flipping I turned over to a sports channel that was showing a college baseball game.  The Bear was interested enough to watch most of an inning and I was careful to point out how everyone except the batter was wearing baseball gloves.  That evening when he started getting restless, I suggested that we go outside and play with his ball and glove.  I had retrieved my glove from it's storage place* a few days earlier and the ball and his glove were sitting nestled in mine near the back door.  He suggested we include his over sized plastic baseball bat and the batting tee he'd gotten for his birthday.  Having added those items we were off into the back yard.  Once outside, I set up the tee, but having seen real athletes on TV playing without a tee, he was no longer interested in using one either.  He suggested I set it on the patio and he told me I could leave his glove over there too as he didn't want it.  Hoping that watching me using mine would inspire him to don his, I agreed and we got ready to play.  I showed him how to stand and swing the bat and I backed away a few steps to attempt to toss the ball in such a way that contact of some sort could be made.  "You swing the bat and hit the ball and I'll catch the ball in my glove" I told him.  "But Daddy," he replied, "who's going to fall down?"  Befuddled I asked for clarification.  "Somebody always falls down" he told me.  I eventually realized that what he'd taken away most from watching baseball on TV, was that it involved a lot of falling down** and getting really dirty.  So for the next several minutes, I tossed the ball near him.  He swung the bat and never once made contact, but after each swing he would drop the bat, run a few steps in a random direction and gleefully fall onto the ground.  His glove spent the entire time lying on the ground.

First Game of Catch (almost): A+

* - The trunk of my car, naturally.
** - a.k.a. - sliding