The Olympics: If, on a regular basis, you do anything other than contemplate your navel, you're bound to hear people ranting about politics and about how the other guy[1] is a horrible person and how they're going to ruin America. In fact, patriotism, or the lack there of, seem to always come up in some form or other.[2] Similar arguments are heard when things like immigration, manufacturing and getting involved in other countries problems are discussed.[3]
And so we come to the Olympics. For as much as people shout and rant about how much they love America, Patriotism, the Flag and anything else that is symbolic of our great country, you would think that the Olympics would be a Super-Mega-Gigantic-Huge!!!! Event. But some how the Olympics get dismal ratings every time they come on.
Which simply stuns me. What more could you want? You would be hard pressed to come up with any way to better show how great a country we are than the Olympics. In fact, the Soviet Union found the Olympics to be so important that in a country that struggled to keep people fed, they gave their potential Olympic athletes the best of everything so that they could win and rub our noses in their superiority. In America, people watch the opening ceremonies and then once the parade of nations starts they flip back to the reruns of American Idol they have saved on their TiVo.
In case you haven't guessed how I feel about the Olympics let me quit beating around the bush.
The Olympics are beyond awesome. A competition between people who have essentially dedicated their lives to trying to become the best in the world in their sports, competition, etc. And for the most part why do they do this? Not for the money, that's for sure. No they do it so that they can represent their country and hopefully stand proudly, just a few inches higher than the guy who came in second while our national anthem plays and our flag is flown.
And it really doesn't matter what kind of sports you like, the Olympics has you covered. Just about every team sport is represented.[4] There are races of every variety: on foot, on a bike, on a boat, even on a yak and that's just the summer Olympic.[5]
Needs some violence? Okay how about boxing, or judo, or taekwondo. This year they even added in girls boxing. There's weight lifting. There are several events that involve guns. There's two types of volleyball. Countless things that are thrown, flung or shot through the air. Need something a bit prettier? How about so much gymnastics you think you're going to puke? Or synchronized swimming?
There's even Olympic Ping Pong. Seriously ping pong. And as silly as that sounds, go watch them play, it's astounding. Same thing with badminton. Yeah, I know you play badminton in your back yard and you think you're lord of the shuttlecock. Trust me, compared to these guys you look like Slow-Poke Rodriguez.[6]
Maybe you simply don't like sports. That's okay too. It's the Olympics! There's enough pageantry to overload even Morningside and Fields.[7] Plus they spend plenty of time telling you all about the athletes, their successes and their trials and tribulations, that you practically feel like you've been rooting for them since they first picked up a racket, baton, oar, reins or whatever.
And how does this great nation do? This nation that everyone seems to think is falling apart at the seams. This nation that compared to some nations practically ignores its Olympic athletes. We totally kick butt, that's how we do. Out of the 16,321 medals awarded in the modern Olympics, we've taken 2,549 of them.[8] For those of you afraid of math, that's a little over 15.5% The second highest has 1204 and that's the Soviet Union.[9] How about on an individual Olympic basis? Still dominating. We usually end up with most medals and often the most gold medals.
Anyway my point is this. These people spend their lives getting up at the crack of dawn to run, swim, ride, work out, etc, etc for essentially their entire lives. The least you could do is sit on your butt and watch them. As they represent our country.
Now if you'll excuse me, some guy I've never heard of, from some country I'm never going to visit, is about to compete and I've got to go listen to Bob Costas make it poignant for me.
The Olympics: A+
[1] - As opposed to whoever it is you are listening to rant at the moment.
[2] - I know this post was supposed to be about the Olympics, hang on I'm getting there.
[3] - Heck, Glen Beck could probably use your liking Ketchup as a means to prove you're a commie, but then again he's an idiot.
[4] - Granted there's no football or rather American football.
[5] - Okay, I made up one of those. But then you realize I was pulling your leg when you read the word 'boat'.
[6] - It's Speedy Gonzales' cousin, but you've probably never heard of him, because in a fit of PC stupidity, Warner Brothers caved and hid him in a closet somewhere.
[7] - IMDB it.
[8] - Not counting this year.
[9] - And you don't have to worry about them getting any more
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sizzlean
Sizzlean: This is actually a product that no longer exists, but I was recently reminded of it so here you go.
Sizzlean was the result of some genius' idea to make a substitute for bacon. If there was ever an idea that was doomed from the start it was this one. Attention food scientist dude, there is no need for a substitute for bacon. Bacon is awesome and wonderful.[1]
The big selling point was that it was an improvement on bacon because it was a lot leaner than bacon[2]. Again, you can't improve on perfection so don't try. The big downside to Sizzlean was that it looked and felt like stiff wet cardboard. It didn't taste much better.
When it was cooking instead of filling your house with the wonderful smell of bacon it filled your house with the hideous smell of bad.
Now this may be false but in my memory at one point they introduced a second version that was Beef Sizzlean. [3] Which would mean it had all of the bad points of Sizzlean but also contained no pig.
Sizzlean: F
[1] - Another attempt to create a bacon subsitute resulted in Bacos. Which while also failing to be bacon did succeed in making something sort of tasty.
[2] - Sizzlean ended up being something like 35% fat anyway, so at best it could be said to possibly be healthier than bacon but definitely still not healthy.
[3] - The Interweb tells me that original Sizzlean was a "cured meat product". Now that does sound tasty! Not.
Sizzlean was the result of some genius' idea to make a substitute for bacon. If there was ever an idea that was doomed from the start it was this one. Attention food scientist dude, there is no need for a substitute for bacon. Bacon is awesome and wonderful.[1]
The big selling point was that it was an improvement on bacon because it was a lot leaner than bacon[2]. Again, you can't improve on perfection so don't try. The big downside to Sizzlean was that it looked and felt like stiff wet cardboard. It didn't taste much better.
When it was cooking instead of filling your house with the wonderful smell of bacon it filled your house with the hideous smell of bad.
Now this may be false but in my memory at one point they introduced a second version that was Beef Sizzlean. [3] Which would mean it had all of the bad points of Sizzlean but also contained no pig.
Sizzlean: F
[1] - Another attempt to create a bacon subsitute resulted in Bacos. Which while also failing to be bacon did succeed in making something sort of tasty.
[2] - Sizzlean ended up being something like 35% fat anyway, so at best it could be said to possibly be healthier than bacon but definitely still not healthy.
[3] - The Interweb tells me that original Sizzlean was a "cured meat product". Now that does sound tasty! Not.
Mini-Golf @ Pigeon Forge
Mini Golf (a.k.a. - Putt Putt) @ Pigeon Forge[1]: As state in a previous post, the Pook and I recently spent a few days in Pigeon Forge. We picked that spot for three main reasons. One of which was that they have a lot of mini-golf courses and the Pook had a hankering.[2] So here are the definitive grades for the courses that we visited.[3]
Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: Sticking with two of the Pigeon Forge traditions, this course is country themed and owned by Ripley's. In Pigeon Forge, if you aren't interested in looking at people shove nails up their noses, Ripley's is more than willing to take your money in a variety of other venues. Including an aquarium, a world's record museum and at least six other attractions including one that's a 4D theater.[4]
We visited this course first, mainly because there was a retarded amount of traffic and we were right beside it. None of it's three courses were really difficult at all and they were very "luck" related. A slope filled with gophers that make your ball pachinko down the hill is a good example. Thus good and bad players alike won't have any trouble getting the ball near the hole. So it's fun to watch but doesn't require much skill. Lot's of large animal figures talk to you throughout in bad accents and make awful puns. There's also a repetitive country instrumental song that plays constantly that will haunt your dreams for the next three days. (Cow Course: B: 40 P: 46, Chicken Course: B: 34 P: 39, Pig Course: B: 40, P: 43)
Hazzard County Country Club: This course was located at Cooter's Place in Gatlinburg. Cooter also has a museum, store and go-carts.[5] We initially passed this by, but ended up rushing back when the sky opened up and started trying to drown us. The course is indoors on the second floor of a building that clearly used to be house. Thus the different holes wind down the hallways and in the rooms, which is sort of strange. There's Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia on the walls throughout. In the end we were glad we visited this course because it turned out to be one of the best. There was no random junk on the holes but there were plenty of slopes and bumpers which meant you had to be skillful and not just lucky. (B: 47, P: 52)
Hillbilly Golf: Originally I had no interest in playing this course that's located in Gatlinburg, but when the Pook read that you had to take a ride in an incline up the side of the mountain and then the holes wandered back down the mountains side, I was very interested. When we were walking by and saw that one hole of golf cost $13 my interested evaporated. You can save money by walking 50 yards back up the road to Cooter's.
Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: Two different courses are offered here. You can take a mine train up to the first hole of both or you can walk up the stairs. If you're into short train rides in a tiny mine car take the train. If you want to beat everyone else to the first hole, take the stairs. Lot's of decorations and such to look at, but most of the holes are just big putting greens without any obstacles, slopes or bumpers. So kinda lame. Of course the greens are large and the holes so far from the edges that you end up taking a lot of strokes. (Gold Course: B: 55 P: 63, Diamond Course: B: 52 P: 55)
Adventure Golf: Two different courses that are a bit run down but don't let that put you off. They were my favorite of all the ones we visited. Very challenging with slopes, bumpers and obstacles placed in a way that required you to have skill and not just luck. Also a lot of giant monsters and buildings give it good ambiance. I highly recommend this one. (Course 1: B: 43, P: 48, Course 2: B: 46, P: 47)
Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: The last place we visited. Random animals and firehouse equipment decorate the two courses. Unfortunately a lot of the time the right call was to completely avoid those and hit around them. For instance on one hole you can send you ball through a loop-the-loop or you can putt beside it and get right to the hole. The two best parts of this course were the following.
On one hole there is a ladder lying across the end of a ramp that requires you putt between the rungs to get your ball to the lower green. The Pook upon seeing this said, "You know I'm totally going to hit the rung don't you?" She then putted and hit directly on the ladder rung causing the ball to roll all of the way back to the start. Then she did it again. Laughter ensued.
As the scores I've listed at the end of each courses review reveal, I had won every round of golf we played up until this point. On the phone with my mom[6] she said I should be a good husband and let the Pook win one[7]. Having dominated her on the first course and knowing that this was the last mini-golf we would be playing, the second course was the last chance she would have to win. The round started with me choking on the first hole and taking six strokes to her three. Rapidly the Pook increased her lead to six strokes by the sixth hole. So, while I don't usually play to lose, I was happy that it looked like she would actually win a round. Fast forward to the eighteenth hole and the score is tied. Like a lot of courses the last hole was a goofy thing that you were supposed to do in one stroke. You putted down a slope to five openings in the side of a box. Getting the ball into the center opening counted as one stroke. The openings on either side of that were two strokes and the outer two openings were three strokes. The Pook went first and the ball rolled straight down the slope and struck the divider on the left side of the one stroke hole and didn't go into any hole. So she walked up and putted it into the one stroke hole (thus counting as two strokes). I lined up and prepared to putt. If I made it into the one hole I would win. The two hole would mean a tie and the three hole would mean the Pook finally won one. I hit the ball and it hit a microscopic bump on the lip at the start of the slope. The ball shot up into the air and flew to the left[8]. From there it landed on the edge of rail on the left edge of the entire green and shot straight into the one stroke hole. Sorry Pook, some things are just not meant to be. (Red Course: B: 42, P: 51, Yellow Course: B: 45, P: 46).
Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: B-
Hazzard County Country Club: A
Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: B+
Adventure Golf: A+
Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: B
[1] Actually some of these are located in Gatlinburg and not Pigeon Forge, but the two are essentially the same place anyway.
[2]The other two reasons are that it is an inexpensive vacation and that it was in a different state than our children.
[3] These courses represent only a fraction of the choices available. I don't think anyone actually loves mini-golf enough to actually play all of the courses in the area.
[4] Which makes it one D short of the 5D theater we saw in Gatlinburg.
[5] The entire place was a homage to everything Dukes of Hazzard. Including a TV that constantly runs episodes of the show. Having not seen one since I was a young lad let me tell you this. Man are those bad.
[6] No I don't call my mom every day while on vacation. Unless she's watching my kids, then I totally do.
[7] Yeah right.
[8] At which point I thought to myself, "Oh well. I've lost this one."
Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: Sticking with two of the Pigeon Forge traditions, this course is country themed and owned by Ripley's. In Pigeon Forge, if you aren't interested in looking at people shove nails up their noses, Ripley's is more than willing to take your money in a variety of other venues. Including an aquarium, a world's record museum and at least six other attractions including one that's a 4D theater.[4]
We visited this course first, mainly because there was a retarded amount of traffic and we were right beside it. None of it's three courses were really difficult at all and they were very "luck" related. A slope filled with gophers that make your ball pachinko down the hill is a good example. Thus good and bad players alike won't have any trouble getting the ball near the hole. So it's fun to watch but doesn't require much skill. Lot's of large animal figures talk to you throughout in bad accents and make awful puns. There's also a repetitive country instrumental song that plays constantly that will haunt your dreams for the next three days. (Cow Course: B: 40 P: 46, Chicken Course: B: 34 P: 39, Pig Course: B: 40, P: 43)
Hazzard County Country Club: This course was located at Cooter's Place in Gatlinburg. Cooter also has a museum, store and go-carts.[5] We initially passed this by, but ended up rushing back when the sky opened up and started trying to drown us. The course is indoors on the second floor of a building that clearly used to be house. Thus the different holes wind down the hallways and in the rooms, which is sort of strange. There's Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia on the walls throughout. In the end we were glad we visited this course because it turned out to be one of the best. There was no random junk on the holes but there were plenty of slopes and bumpers which meant you had to be skillful and not just lucky. (B: 47, P: 52)
Hillbilly Golf: Originally I had no interest in playing this course that's located in Gatlinburg, but when the Pook read that you had to take a ride in an incline up the side of the mountain and then the holes wandered back down the mountains side, I was very interested. When we were walking by and saw that one hole of golf cost $13 my interested evaporated. You can save money by walking 50 yards back up the road to Cooter's.
Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: Two different courses are offered here. You can take a mine train up to the first hole of both or you can walk up the stairs. If you're into short train rides in a tiny mine car take the train. If you want to beat everyone else to the first hole, take the stairs. Lot's of decorations and such to look at, but most of the holes are just big putting greens without any obstacles, slopes or bumpers. So kinda lame. Of course the greens are large and the holes so far from the edges that you end up taking a lot of strokes. (Gold Course: B: 55 P: 63, Diamond Course: B: 52 P: 55)
Adventure Golf: Two different courses that are a bit run down but don't let that put you off. They were my favorite of all the ones we visited. Very challenging with slopes, bumpers and obstacles placed in a way that required you to have skill and not just luck. Also a lot of giant monsters and buildings give it good ambiance. I highly recommend this one. (Course 1: B: 43, P: 48, Course 2: B: 46, P: 47)
Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: The last place we visited. Random animals and firehouse equipment decorate the two courses. Unfortunately a lot of the time the right call was to completely avoid those and hit around them. For instance on one hole you can send you ball through a loop-the-loop or you can putt beside it and get right to the hole. The two best parts of this course were the following.
On one hole there is a ladder lying across the end of a ramp that requires you putt between the rungs to get your ball to the lower green. The Pook upon seeing this said, "You know I'm totally going to hit the rung don't you?" She then putted and hit directly on the ladder rung causing the ball to roll all of the way back to the start. Then she did it again. Laughter ensued.
As the scores I've listed at the end of each courses review reveal, I had won every round of golf we played up until this point. On the phone with my mom[6] she said I should be a good husband and let the Pook win one[7]. Having dominated her on the first course and knowing that this was the last mini-golf we would be playing, the second course was the last chance she would have to win. The round started with me choking on the first hole and taking six strokes to her three. Rapidly the Pook increased her lead to six strokes by the sixth hole. So, while I don't usually play to lose, I was happy that it looked like she would actually win a round. Fast forward to the eighteenth hole and the score is tied. Like a lot of courses the last hole was a goofy thing that you were supposed to do in one stroke. You putted down a slope to five openings in the side of a box. Getting the ball into the center opening counted as one stroke. The openings on either side of that were two strokes and the outer two openings were three strokes. The Pook went first and the ball rolled straight down the slope and struck the divider on the left side of the one stroke hole and didn't go into any hole. So she walked up and putted it into the one stroke hole (thus counting as two strokes). I lined up and prepared to putt. If I made it into the one hole I would win. The two hole would mean a tie and the three hole would mean the Pook finally won one. I hit the ball and it hit a microscopic bump on the lip at the start of the slope. The ball shot up into the air and flew to the left[8]. From there it landed on the edge of rail on the left edge of the entire green and shot straight into the one stroke hole. Sorry Pook, some things are just not meant to be. (Red Course: B: 42, P: 51, Yellow Course: B: 45, P: 46).
Ripley's Old MacDonald's Farm Mini-Golf: B-
Hazzard County Country Club: A
Professor Hakkers Lost Treasure Golf: B+
Adventure Golf: A+
Walden's Landing Firehouse Golf: B
[1] Actually some of these are located in Gatlinburg and not Pigeon Forge, but the two are essentially the same place anyway.
[2]The other two reasons are that it is an inexpensive vacation and that it was in a different state than our children.
[3] These courses represent only a fraction of the choices available. I don't think anyone actually loves mini-golf enough to actually play all of the courses in the area.
[4] Which makes it one D short of the 5D theater we saw in Gatlinburg.
[5] The entire place was a homage to everything Dukes of Hazzard. Including a TV that constantly runs episodes of the show. Having not seen one since I was a young lad let me tell you this. Man are those bad.
[6] No I don't call my mom every day while on vacation. Unless she's watching my kids, then I totally do.
[7] Yeah right.
[8] At which point I thought to myself, "Oh well. I've lost this one."
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Kill Bill (Vol. 1 & 2)
Kill Bill: 1 & 2: When this movie came out, for some reason I never got around to seeing it[1], which is strange because I am usually a pretty big fan of Quentin Tarantino's stuff. Though granted I have not actually managed to see everything he's done. Anyway, fast forward ten years later and I've finally gotten around to watching them both.[2]
The two movies are pretty much the natural extension of the Kung Fu movies you used to watch as a kid.[3] And no I am not talking about Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx. If it must be Jackie Chan I mean Drunken Master or Half a Loaf of Kung Fu. But really I'm talking about Bruce Lee's Fist of Fury or any of the six hundred Sonny Chiba movies.
Take any one of those movies and "modernize" it. Add in new camera techniques. Some animation and update the special effects. Though in some cases not too much updating. I mean Monty Python was using the blood spray technique back in the early 70's[4].
Once you've done that add in a healthy dose of Tarantino and there you have it. Two movies that give you all the martial arts action you could ask for.[5]
Note that I didn't say to update the acting, because some of the acting in the movies isn't the greatest, but then again you didn't come to watch the acting.
[The Nitpickers Corner: If you beat the snot out of somebody in a hospital and then sneak out into the parking garage, you don't really have time to spend several hours in the back of their car relearning how to walk. Someone's gonna find the body in the hospital and then the police will arrive. Even the laziest of detectives is going to think to check on the guys car in a pretty short amount of time. I'm just saying.]
Kill Bill (Vol 1 and 2): A-
p.s. - Yes, I know that Vol. 3 is in pre-production. When it comes out, I promise to try and watch that one before it's a decade old.
p.p.s - Mom, no matter how interesting this post made the movies sound, you don't want to watch these. Trust me.
[1] - It was completely the Pook's fault.
[2] - Yeah I know that's pretty pathetic.
[3] - If you didn't watch Kung Fu movies as a kid, then I'm sorry. Pretend that you did and play along.
[4] - "Tennis Anyone?"
[5] - And then some.
The two movies are pretty much the natural extension of the Kung Fu movies you used to watch as a kid.[3] And no I am not talking about Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx. If it must be Jackie Chan I mean Drunken Master or Half a Loaf of Kung Fu. But really I'm talking about Bruce Lee's Fist of Fury or any of the six hundred Sonny Chiba movies.
Take any one of those movies and "modernize" it. Add in new camera techniques. Some animation and update the special effects. Though in some cases not too much updating. I mean Monty Python was using the blood spray technique back in the early 70's[4].
Once you've done that add in a healthy dose of Tarantino and there you have it. Two movies that give you all the martial arts action you could ask for.[5]
Note that I didn't say to update the acting, because some of the acting in the movies isn't the greatest, but then again you didn't come to watch the acting.
[The Nitpickers Corner: If you beat the snot out of somebody in a hospital and then sneak out into the parking garage, you don't really have time to spend several hours in the back of their car relearning how to walk. Someone's gonna find the body in the hospital and then the police will arrive. Even the laziest of detectives is going to think to check on the guys car in a pretty short amount of time. I'm just saying.]
Kill Bill (Vol 1 and 2): A-
p.s. - Yes, I know that Vol. 3 is in pre-production. When it comes out, I promise to try and watch that one before it's a decade old.
p.p.s - Mom, no matter how interesting this post made the movies sound, you don't want to watch these. Trust me.
[1] - It was completely the Pook's fault.
[2] - Yeah I know that's pretty pathetic.
[3] - If you didn't watch Kung Fu movies as a kid, then I'm sorry. Pretend that you did and play along.
[4] - "Tennis Anyone?"
[5] - And then some.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Riot! (By Paramore)
Riot!: I first heard of Paramore when one of my friends gave another of my friends this CD as a gift.[1] And then at another gift giving event, another copy was given. However, my friends musical taste tend to be a bit scattered, so I didn't really give it much attention.
The first time I actually heard a Paramore song was on Rock Band 2. The song was "That's What You Get." That was probably enough to get me to buy the CD right there, but before that could happen we downloaded the additional track Crushcrushcrush. I'm pretty sure I bought the CD the next day.
The other big song from the CD is Misery Business and all are excellent and pretty typical of the whole CD. Fast beat. Generally peppy at a minimum. Good lyrics. Etc. Etc.[2]
Anway, the more important bit about Paramore is the lead singer. Actually, I have no idea what her name is or anything about her other than the fact that she was pretty young at the time the CD came out.
Fine, I'll go do some research. Hold please . . . .
. . . okay, I'm back.
The lead singer is Hayley Williams and at the time Riot! was released she was 18. But that's not really the point. Or rather it's tangential to the point. The point is that when the CD came out the lead singer was 18 and I was more than twice that.
I love music and have a lot of CD's, my iPhone currently has 6100 songs on it, etc. etc. But generally, up until this point, the singers had always been older, the same age or at most marginally younger than me.[3] But this band was made up of teenagers.
That of course got me to thinking if that actually mattered. Does the age of the band members matter when compared to the age of the listener?
To state it more clearly, did an eighteen year old have anything to say that was relevant to me or was I fooling myself? Was it possible to age yourself out of "new" music?
The answer is, of course, no.
Why is it any more strange that someone older than a band likes their music than when someone significantly younger than a band does? I hadn't given a thought to buying a new Paul McCartney album and he's 28 years older than me.
Granted you won't find me in the crowd, body-surfing or in the mosh pit at a Paramore concert[4], but then again you won't find me at McCartney concert either. Concerts usually continue until way after my bed time.
Riot!: A
[1] - Christmas or Birthday I forget which. And yes, I do too have friends.
[2] - The Interweb calls it "Emo, Pop-Punk"
[3] - I realize that isn't actually true, but that's how it felt anyway.
[4] - Or whatever it is those crazy kids do at concerts these days.
The first time I actually heard a Paramore song was on Rock Band 2. The song was "That's What You Get." That was probably enough to get me to buy the CD right there, but before that could happen we downloaded the additional track Crushcrushcrush. I'm pretty sure I bought the CD the next day.
The other big song from the CD is Misery Business and all are excellent and pretty typical of the whole CD. Fast beat. Generally peppy at a minimum. Good lyrics. Etc. Etc.[2]
Anway, the more important bit about Paramore is the lead singer. Actually, I have no idea what her name is or anything about her other than the fact that she was pretty young at the time the CD came out.
Fine, I'll go do some research. Hold please . . . .
. . . okay, I'm back.
The lead singer is Hayley Williams and at the time Riot! was released she was 18. But that's not really the point. Or rather it's tangential to the point. The point is that when the CD came out the lead singer was 18 and I was more than twice that.
I love music and have a lot of CD's, my iPhone currently has 6100 songs on it, etc. etc. But generally, up until this point, the singers had always been older, the same age or at most marginally younger than me.[3] But this band was made up of teenagers.
That of course got me to thinking if that actually mattered. Does the age of the band members matter when compared to the age of the listener?
To state it more clearly, did an eighteen year old have anything to say that was relevant to me or was I fooling myself? Was it possible to age yourself out of "new" music?
The answer is, of course, no.
Why is it any more strange that someone older than a band likes their music than when someone significantly younger than a band does? I hadn't given a thought to buying a new Paul McCartney album and he's 28 years older than me.
Granted you won't find me in the crowd, body-surfing or in the mosh pit at a Paramore concert[4], but then again you won't find me at McCartney concert either. Concerts usually continue until way after my bed time.
Riot!: A
[1] - Christmas or Birthday I forget which. And yes, I do too have friends.
[2] - The Interweb calls it "Emo, Pop-Punk"
[3] - I realize that isn't actually true, but that's how it felt anyway.
[4] - Or whatever it is those crazy kids do at concerts these days.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Fish Oil Pills
Fish Oil Pills: So I went to the doctor about two months ago to get one of those screenings that some insurance companies now require for you to get better rates and lower co-pays. I didn't really know what the doc might tell me, but I don't think I would have been surprised if he told me that my cholesterol was too high.
Well he did tell me that my cholesterol needed fixing, but it wasn't because it was too high. Instead he told me my HDL[1] was too low. The solution for this was more exercise[2] and fish oil pills. So on my next trip to Aldi, I picked up a bottle.
First of all these suckers are about the biggest pills I've seen. They are the gel-cap type of pill so they are soft and squishy which helps when you're choking them down.[3] If they were those hard chalky pills I suspect people would have serious trouble with them.
The real problem with these pills is the after effects. About thirty minutes after taking them I get to start burping up fish oil. Mmm mmm good.[4] It's marginally better if I eat right after taking them. But often that just means I get to burp up fish oil mixed with the flavor of whatever I just ate. Good times![5]
Since I haven't had my cholesterol rechecked since then I have no idea if they are actually doing anything. In fact if you read the packages of different brands they say things like, "May help to reduce . . ." and "Research suggests . . ." In fact here's a quote directly from Wikipedia, the ultimate source of all accurate information on the Internet[6]:
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil are thought to be beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and possibly beneficial in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions remains to be proven.
Sounds good? Here's the quote again with some key words highlighted:
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil ARE THOUGHT TO BE beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and POSSIBLY BENEFICIAL in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions REMAINS TO BE PROVEN.
In other words, they don't really know if fish pills do anything at all. Oh joy.
Fish Oil Pills, if they actually do help with HDL's and preventing heart disease: A-
Fish Oil Pills, if they don't: F
[1] - High Density Lipids. The "good" cholesterol.
[2] - This was about a month after the Bean was born, so I had been doing a whole lot of nothing as far as exercise was concerned. Any free time I had went towards catching up on sleep.
[3] - In truth I have no problem taking pills, but they are ridiculously large.
[4] - That was sarcasm.
[5] - Also sarcasm.
[6] - Still sarcasm.
Well he did tell me that my cholesterol needed fixing, but it wasn't because it was too high. Instead he told me my HDL[1] was too low. The solution for this was more exercise[2] and fish oil pills. So on my next trip to Aldi, I picked up a bottle.
First of all these suckers are about the biggest pills I've seen. They are the gel-cap type of pill so they are soft and squishy which helps when you're choking them down.[3] If they were those hard chalky pills I suspect people would have serious trouble with them.
The real problem with these pills is the after effects. About thirty minutes after taking them I get to start burping up fish oil. Mmm mmm good.[4] It's marginally better if I eat right after taking them. But often that just means I get to burp up fish oil mixed with the flavor of whatever I just ate. Good times![5]
Since I haven't had my cholesterol rechecked since then I have no idea if they are actually doing anything. In fact if you read the packages of different brands they say things like, "May help to reduce . . ." and "Research suggests . . ." In fact here's a quote directly from Wikipedia, the ultimate source of all accurate information on the Internet[6]:
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil are thought to be beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and possibly beneficial in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions remains to be proven.
Sounds good? Here's the quote again with some key words highlighted:
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil ARE THOUGHT TO BE beneficial in treating hypertriglyceridemia, and POSSIBLY BENEFICIAL in preventing heart disease. Fish oil and omega-3 fatty acids have been studied in a wide variety of other conditions, such as clinical depression, anxiety, cancer, and macular degeneration, although benefit in these conditions REMAINS TO BE PROVEN.
In other words, they don't really know if fish pills do anything at all. Oh joy.
Fish Oil Pills, if they actually do help with HDL's and preventing heart disease: A-
Fish Oil Pills, if they don't: F
[1] - High Density Lipids. The "good" cholesterol.
[2] - This was about a month after the Bean was born, so I had been doing a whole lot of nothing as far as exercise was concerned. Any free time I had went towards catching up on sleep.
[3] - In truth I have no problem taking pills, but they are ridiculously large.
[4] - That was sarcasm.
[5] - Also sarcasm.
[6] - Still sarcasm.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Pigeon Forge
[I don't think I've ever been seriously called classist or elitist before, if I'm not careful this post will change that.]
Pigeon Forge: The Pook and I needed a vacation. Having just acquired the Bean only two months ago[1] and thus also having acquired all of the medical bills and debt that go along with a newborn, we could only afford something cheap. We didn't really care where it was as location was less important than having a few days of peace and quiet and a few nights of uninterrupted sleep. Thus, with a little research we decided to go to Pigeon Forge.
My previous experience with Pigeon Forge was when I was much younger[2] and I remember it essentially being a long street of alternating: mini-golf, go-cart tracks, restaurants and water parks. The Pook's previous experience was as a young adult, driving there, taking one look at the place, and not stopping.
The Pook and I both love to play us some putt-putt and Pigeon Forge is evidently the third best mini-golf city in the country[3]. Thus we decided to give it a chance and gird ourselves for the worst. In other words, our expectations were low.
We didn't put them low enough.
Don't get me wrong, we had a good time. We ate at nice restaurants. We played a LOT of mini-golf[4]. We wandered around a few shops. And we tried very hard to ignore everything else that was going on around us.
What can I say about a place in which culture has advanced[5] to a stage in which the best the town has to offer is your choice of dinner theater at either "The Hatfields vs the McCoys" or "Lumberjack Feud"? (Perhaps I'm not being fair by leaving out the Dixie Stampede.)
If comedy is more to your liking you can go to the Comedy Barn, or the Smith Family Theater. Judging from the posters that I saw, the comedic heights are achieved at both locations by having dogs that jump through hoops and an old man that dresses up like a woman.[6] Of course the Comedy Barn's poster did assure me that they were the "funniest show in town" [7].
You can also visit any number of entertainment venues owned by the Ripley's organization or by Dollie Pardon (or possibly both). And while there weren't nearly so many water parks as I remember from my youth, you can still find plenty of mini-golf and go-cart tracks.
Perhaps you are more into shopping? Well you are in luck, I saw no less than six different "As Seen on TV" superstores. Six of them! Each one as big as a large grocery store. And presumably they are all doing a fair amount of trade. You can also find a plethora of "antique" stores. One of which proclaimed in large letters: New Hope Antiques . . . for a better life. I'm not sure if they were saying there was a better life for the antiques or for you.
In truth you'd be hard pressed to find a store that wasn't just selling your choice of junk or crap.
Also you are definitely in luck if you are in the market for: Fudge, T-shirts, Fudge, Fireworks, Fudge, Cheap Souvenirs, Fudge, Tacky Blankets, Fudge, Tattoos, Fudge, Body Piercings, Fudge or Fudge[8] Many of the billboards (and there are a lot of them) advertise whatever it is the store is primarily selling and then in large letters in a blue star on the bottom corner it also says, "Fudge!" As if someone driving down the road and seeing a billboard for fireworks, but unmoved to visit the establishment, suddenly spies the lower right corner and says, "Fudge! Well in that case maybe I do need some fireworks. It's not like you can get fudge just any place in this town."
If you venture a little bit south you can get to Gatlinburg. Gatlinburg is a touch classier than Pigeon Forge, but that's a bit like saying Boss Hogg is smarter than Roscoe [9]. My favorite place there was a "Shoot 'em Up Theater that claimed to be in "5D". I tried as hard as I could, without actually paying money, to find out what the fourth and fifth D were, but to no avail.
In between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, cringing up into the sky trying to remain unsullied, is part of the Smokey Mountain National Park. It is exceedingly beautiful and generally untouched by man [10].
The people were all very friendly. I'm not one to indiscriminately mock people, so I'll just leave you with this anecdote. After purchasing a round of mini-golf the lady behind the counter saw that the bank on my debit card had the word Georgia in its title. She smiled at us and said, "Ye from Georgie?" [11]
Having said all of that, it was a very cheap vacation. We did eat at some very nice restaurants[12]. If you are in to mini-golf you have plenty to choose from and overall we had a fine time.
Pigeon Forge Overall: C+
Pigeon Forge with Blinders On: B+
Pigeon Forge if you really like Fudge: A+
1 - It already seems like he's always been around.
2 - Somewhere in the middle of my teens, I believe.
3 - Myrtle Beach is #1 and some city in Missouri was #2.
4 - Expect another post soon with an in depth review of the courses we visited.
5 - I use that term very loosely
6 - Jonathan Winters would be proud.
7 - Of course, see this post to see what that means.
8 - You can also get Fudge there.
9 - While were on the topic of the Dukes of Hazard, don't forget to visit the Cooter Museum, Mini-golf, Go-Cart and Souvenir Store while you're in Gatlinburg.
10 - With the exception of the four lanes of blacktop running through it, that is.
11 - Just to be clear, that isn't a typo, to pronounce this gem properly the first and last word should both rhyme with 'me'.
12 - I'll have a separate post on those as well.
Pigeon Forge: The Pook and I needed a vacation. Having just acquired the Bean only two months ago[1] and thus also having acquired all of the medical bills and debt that go along with a newborn, we could only afford something cheap. We didn't really care where it was as location was less important than having a few days of peace and quiet and a few nights of uninterrupted sleep. Thus, with a little research we decided to go to Pigeon Forge.
My previous experience with Pigeon Forge was when I was much younger[2] and I remember it essentially being a long street of alternating: mini-golf, go-cart tracks, restaurants and water parks. The Pook's previous experience was as a young adult, driving there, taking one look at the place, and not stopping.
The Pook and I both love to play us some putt-putt and Pigeon Forge is evidently the third best mini-golf city in the country[3]. Thus we decided to give it a chance and gird ourselves for the worst. In other words, our expectations were low.
We didn't put them low enough.
Don't get me wrong, we had a good time. We ate at nice restaurants. We played a LOT of mini-golf[4]. We wandered around a few shops. And we tried very hard to ignore everything else that was going on around us.
What can I say about a place in which culture has advanced[5] to a stage in which the best the town has to offer is your choice of dinner theater at either "The Hatfields vs the McCoys" or "Lumberjack Feud"? (Perhaps I'm not being fair by leaving out the Dixie Stampede.)
If comedy is more to your liking you can go to the Comedy Barn, or the Smith Family Theater. Judging from the posters that I saw, the comedic heights are achieved at both locations by having dogs that jump through hoops and an old man that dresses up like a woman.[6] Of course the Comedy Barn's poster did assure me that they were the "funniest show in town" [7].
You can also visit any number of entertainment venues owned by the Ripley's organization or by Dollie Pardon (or possibly both). And while there weren't nearly so many water parks as I remember from my youth, you can still find plenty of mini-golf and go-cart tracks.
Perhaps you are more into shopping? Well you are in luck, I saw no less than six different "As Seen on TV" superstores. Six of them! Each one as big as a large grocery store. And presumably they are all doing a fair amount of trade. You can also find a plethora of "antique" stores. One of which proclaimed in large letters: New Hope Antiques . . . for a better life. I'm not sure if they were saying there was a better life for the antiques or for you.
In truth you'd be hard pressed to find a store that wasn't just selling your choice of junk or crap.
Also you are definitely in luck if you are in the market for: Fudge, T-shirts, Fudge, Fireworks, Fudge, Cheap Souvenirs, Fudge, Tacky Blankets, Fudge, Tattoos, Fudge, Body Piercings, Fudge or Fudge[8] Many of the billboards (and there are a lot of them) advertise whatever it is the store is primarily selling and then in large letters in a blue star on the bottom corner it also says, "Fudge!" As if someone driving down the road and seeing a billboard for fireworks, but unmoved to visit the establishment, suddenly spies the lower right corner and says, "Fudge! Well in that case maybe I do need some fireworks. It's not like you can get fudge just any place in this town."
If you venture a little bit south you can get to Gatlinburg. Gatlinburg is a touch classier than Pigeon Forge, but that's a bit like saying Boss Hogg is smarter than Roscoe [9]. My favorite place there was a "Shoot 'em Up Theater that claimed to be in "5D". I tried as hard as I could, without actually paying money, to find out what the fourth and fifth D were, but to no avail.
In between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, cringing up into the sky trying to remain unsullied, is part of the Smokey Mountain National Park. It is exceedingly beautiful and generally untouched by man [10].
The people were all very friendly. I'm not one to indiscriminately mock people, so I'll just leave you with this anecdote. After purchasing a round of mini-golf the lady behind the counter saw that the bank on my debit card had the word Georgia in its title. She smiled at us and said, "Ye from Georgie?" [11]
Having said all of that, it was a very cheap vacation. We did eat at some very nice restaurants[12]. If you are in to mini-golf you have plenty to choose from and overall we had a fine time.
Pigeon Forge Overall: C+
Pigeon Forge with Blinders On: B+
Pigeon Forge if you really like Fudge: A+
1 - It already seems like he's always been around.
2 - Somewhere in the middle of my teens, I believe.
3 - Myrtle Beach is #1 and some city in Missouri was #2.
4 - Expect another post soon with an in depth review of the courses we visited.
5 - I use that term very loosely
6 - Jonathan Winters would be proud.
7 - Of course, see this post to see what that means.
8 - You can also get Fudge there.
9 - While were on the topic of the Dukes of Hazard, don't forget to visit the Cooter Museum, Mini-golf, Go-Cart and Souvenir Store while you're in Gatlinburg.
10 - With the exception of the four lanes of blacktop running through it, that is.
11 - Just to be clear, that isn't a typo, to pronounce this gem properly the first and last word should both rhyme with 'me'.
12 - I'll have a separate post on those as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)