Saturday, April 7, 2012

The Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny: Let's face it, the Easter Bunny is like a bad copy of Santa's from someplace far away where they talk and look strange.  It's been a few months since Christmas and we're feeling a little holiday deprived, so let's add something new.  Only it isn't new, it's the same but worse.  Santa has a whole back story rich in detail and supporting characters.  The Easter Bunny's story?  He's a giant man sized rabbit that comes to your house and gives you eggs and candy.  And as any chain is only as strong as its weakest link, it's amazing that the whole "holiday character mythos" doesn't come apart at the seams the first time he's mentioned.  Me: Hey son, tomorrows Easter and you now what that means right? Son (who's three): Um, people celebrate an important event of religious significance?  Me: No, the Easter Bunny's gonna come and bring you candy and eggs!  Son: What?  Why?  I thought we weren't supposed to take food from strangers.  Me: Um, but it's the Easter Bunny!  Son: Yeah, okay Dad.  MOM!!!  Dad's off his medication again!  I mean seriously.  Where does he supposedly go up when it's not Easter?  Some magic hole in the ground?  And he spends the whole year painting eggs?  Don't they go bad?  Who helps him?  His brood of magic chickens?  What's his motivation?  Sounds like some sort of anthropomorphic creeper to me.  Don't get me wrong, as a child I appreciated a basket full of candy as much as the next kid, but if this bunny is supposed to have mystic powers or something, how come I got jelly beans every year?  I don't like them.  Further, why did he always put black ones in there?  Nobody likes those?  It's like he's you cousin who's a little tetched in the head.  You don't really know why he does what he does, but your Aunt asked you to ignore it and just play along, so you do.

The Easter Bunny: C-

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