Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Orange Juice

Orange Juice: I like orange juice. Anyone who sees me in the morning on a regular basis can tell you that I drink it nearly every day.  And I don't have one brand that I am sworn to defend with a fiery passion. [1]  Mostly I just buy whatever type is on sale. [2]

The thing about orange juice that I find so odd is how different it all tastes.  There must be thirty different brands of OJ available for sale and every one of them tastes different.  And they all claim to be made from 100% orange juice [3].  So you might think they would all taste the same.

But they don't.

I assume this must be because they are made from various types of oranges.  My question then is why don't they advertise this?  They try to make everything else about the juice such a big deal, why not the type of orange?

The thing is, I bet most people can name two, maybe three types of oranges.  Give it a shot.  I'll wait.

[Idle humming.]

Let's see, you named Valencia and Navel and that's it. [4]  For the record your other options are Moro (or Blood) and Cara Cara.  Except the thing is that Cara Cara's are just a type of navel orange that is a little pinker inside. [5]

Anyway, that's nearly my point.  If I'm Sunkist, Simply Orange or Nature's Own[6], I'm clearly not winning any market share by hyping how fast I'm getting the oranges from the tree to your juice glass. [7]  I need something to set my product apart from the rest.  That's when I start saying my juice is made with "Nature's Goddess" oranges.  Or maybe "Divine Nectar" oranges. [8]

The things is, and I'm 100% guessing here.  I bet they can't say that because the orange juice they are making probably comes from 100 different groves scattered around the country or state during the year and some of them are supplementing with oranges from groves scattered around the world in the off season.

Which brings me back to my original point.  If all that is true, how do they all manage to taste so different?  Or does 100% not actually mean what it used to?

Also, as long as I'm ranting, [9]  What's with all the random sub-varieties?  Tropicana's website boast 14 varieties of orange juice.  Fourteen varieties!  Who needs this much selection in their orange juice?

Let's see among other choices there's, low pulp, no pulp, high pulp [10], and extra Calcium and Vitamin D.  What's that all about anyway?  It's like orange juice realized it had a lock on the Vitamin C market and decided it needed to branch out.  Milk was taking a hit with all of the lactose intolerance out there, so OJ decided to muscle in on its territory.

Finally, I'd like to end by bringing back to mind this product:

Donald Duck Orange Juice.

That's right, Donald has his own brand of juice.  It's been around forever and somehow survives selling orange juice that still comes in a tiny can.  Why Donald Duck exactly?  Got me.  I mean, nothing says refreshing breakfast drink to me like a duck with no pants.  Am I right?

Orange Juice: A-

[1] - If we were talking cereal that would be another matter altogether.
[2] - And since lately we shop a lot at Aldi, that means Aldi brand.
[3] - Possibly from concentrate.
[4] - Florida and Sunkist, while in the realm of things "orange" are not actually types of oranges.  And to the person who said grapefruit, you aren't even trying.
[5] - It seems I know a bit too much about oranges.
[6] - Maybe that's actually a bread company but whatever.
[7] - Because nothing makes me thirstier than the image of a dirty work gloves manhandling an orange juice box.
[8] - Before you mock too hard, I invite you to do some research on "Rich Corinthian Leather".
[9] - And I think I now am.
[10] - For people who like to chew their morning beverage.

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