Sunday, August 19, 2012


Chicken: How do we eat thee? Let me count the ways . . . actually let's not because I don't have all week.  Perhaps a better way to ask it is, are there any ways that we don't eat chicken?[1]  And for that matter why do we eat chicken so many different ways?

Well if you were an alien staring down at us you might think it's because it taste super yummy, but you'd be wrong.  Think about it.  What does chicken taste like?  I'll tell you what it tastes like, it tastes like nothing.  It's nearly flavorless.

But that's okay!  It's chicken's non-flavor that makes it so great.  Because whatever flavor you like best, it's no problem getting your chicken to taste that way.  Chicken is the ultimate empty palate of the cooking world.

Of course the other great thing about chicken is that it comes from a quickly renewed source.  Did you know it only takes about six weeks to go from egg to tastiness on a plate?  Only six tiny weeks.  What else can you grow to full size in six weeks?  Not much at least as far as meat is concerned.[2]

And now to offend the animal rights people.

Some people say that it's horrible that we breed chickens in tiny cages and then mercilessly slaughter them and then cook them and eat them.[3]  I freely admit that I'm no chicken expert.[4]  But a quick check on the Internet will probably confirm . . . hang on . . . yep they got brains the size of a lima bean.  Which basically means they aren't likely to form a coalition any time soon.  Neither are they likely to care that they don't get to wander around much.  That time wandering around mostly being sent in a biologically driven constant hunt for food and trying to avoid getting eaten.[5]  Especially since, in their cage they get to lay on their butts as the food comes down a chute directly to them.  I'm pretty sure I could name five or six people who would sign up for that life in a heart beat.

Of course there are free range chickens.  In case you don't know what these are they are chickens who have the privilege of living in a place where the door to their coop is left open so that they can freely wander around to their heart's content.  If you ever go to such a place you're likely to see a bunch of chickens sitting around in a chicken coop.  Turns out that even free range chickens don't care for the wandering around so much.[6]

Anyway back to my original point.  Chicken!  Fry it. Roast it. Slice it. Chop it. Shred it. Make it spicy.  Make it sweet.  Make it crunchy on the outside or not.  Serve it over rice or between bread.  Stuff it with bread or cheese and ham.  Make a soup. Make a casserole.  Make a pot pie.  But whatever you do, make no mistake it can be as tasty as you want it to be.

Chicken: B-

[1] - Besides raw, I'm going to guess the answer is no.
[2] - That mold in your fridge doesn't count.
[3] - Which you have to admit is better than not killing them before you cook them.  Just ask a lobster.
[4] - I don't know nothing 'bout breedin' chickens.
[5] - By predators like a fox who aren't so particular about the killing before eating part.
[6] - Maybe someone should form a coalition to get them better educated.

1 comment:

  1. Have to disagree. Chicken A+ ! It's Ma Nature's most perfect critter. Don't want to eat the meat? Maybe you'll like what drops out of its backside. As for flavor, stay away from the breast when it comes out of the broiler or fryer. That's the part that is best left shredded and covered in BBQ sauce. Dark meat however...YES! There's where the tastiness is. Granted, it's the fat tricking the mind that it is something greater than what it is, but C'mon we're not going to get out of this world alive, so eat up :)