Tuesday, June 26, 2012



I want you to stop whatever it is you are doing* and ask yourself what is it that I need right now to make my life better.  Have an answer?  Well Amazon can get you that.  Seriously, they have everything on Amazon.  But wait you say, I wasn't thinking about a book or movie or CD.  Doesn't matter, they have it.

They have food.  And not just prepackaged or canned food that could be shipped to the moon and back and remain essentially unchanged**.  You can get fresh stuff too.  For instance Lettuce or Tomatoes or even
Milk.  And not canned tomatoes or some strange milk hybrid that lasts 1000 years and is the preferred brand of choice by survivalists, but fresh tomatoes and lettuce and a regular old gallon of milk.

They have clothes.  Any kind you could want.  From dresses to swimsuits.  From tuxedos to tighty whities*** You could even get yourself a Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt if you think you could handle the cool.

I'm telling you, whatever it is that you think you need.  They have it.

Well, maybe you know what you need but you don't exactly have the money on hand to purchase it.  No problem!  Put it on your wish list.  They have a convenient place for you to list those things you were hoping your significant other, friends, co-workers, random strangers or web stalkers might get you.

Seriously though, the wish list is key to avoiding bad Christmas and birthday gifts.  You know that one relative who clearly doesn't know who you are?  The one that always gives you a gift that you wouldn't have wanted in a million years.  Well Amazon has provided you the means to never receive a neon lit palm tree again.****  Just direct that relative to your wish list and problem solved.

What if the things you want are so odd and out there that even Amazon.com cries uncle and admits that they don't carry such a thing.  Still no problem because you can link items from other websites to your wish list.  That's right Amazon will inform your potential gift purchaser of items you want from other website, essentially diverting purchasers away from their website.  Why?  Because Amazon is awesome.

Don't want to pay shipping?  Order more than $25 and often shipping is free.

Need your velvet Elvis painting immediately?  Expedite shipping and you can often have it the next day.

Want to sell out your blogging integrity and see if you can make a profit by linking Amazon products in your blog?  They can help you do that too.

Seriously.  Amazon is so awesome you never have to leave your house again.*****

Amazon.com: A+

* - Your reply was probably, "I'm reading your blog moron."
** - No, I wasn't specifically referring to Spam, but that is a good example.
*** - Gentlemen don't click that link.  Don't say I didn't warn you.
**** - After receiving something like this for a birthday present from his mother, my nephew said, "What, do you hate me?"
***** - Except to possibly gather your adoring masses while sporting your three wolf moon shirt.

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