Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Melting Pot

The Melting Pot:  I've done a lot of scientific research on this* and almost universally opinions on the Melting Pot are split along gender lines.  If you are confused as to which gender is 'for' and which is 'against', you can determine your own opinion and then check your shorts; or you can read the next sentence.  If the Melting Pot isn't the biggest scam since that whole "keep making that face and it'll freeze that way" thing, then I'm Cardinal Richelieu.  This is a restaurant (and an expensive one at that) in which you pay a bunch of money to cook the food yourself.  That's right, it's just like preparing and eating a meal at home, except you are paying more to do it.  Further, because you have to cook each individual piece of meat separately, it takes you about four times as long to finish.  And then to top it off, when you're finished, you're still hungry.  In a large part because in the end you only ate about a fourth of what you would receive on the plate in a regular restaurant** but also because the whole taking five hours to finally cook and eat your five pieces of chicken, handful of vegetable pieces and six pieces of fruit means that it's actually time to eat again.  Oh and just in case you've forgotten already, you paid a stupid amount of money for this privilege.  But even all of that doesn't top the final kicker.  If for some reason you should get sick because of what you ate there, there isn't a single thing you can do about it.  Why?  Because you cooked it yourself!  True story: the Pook and I ate there and we ordered the entree that comes with shrimp. The next day she broke out in hives and was miserable for the next four days with a violent rash and/or knocked cold from the drugs the doctor proscribed.  Now, if this had happened at a regular restaurant*** we could have complained to the management, asked for our money back or even sued.  But we ate at the Melting Pot, so what do we get to do?  Nothing.  Why?  Because the main reason you get hives from shrimp is because they are under cooked.  And who under cooked the Pook's shrimp?  She did!  And we paid a large amount of money for that pleasure!  So guys, the next time your snook-ums bats her eyelashes at you and asks in the sweetest of voices if you would take her to the Melting Pot, I suggest you answer with one of the two following replies.  First, you could suggest going to Target and buying your own Fondue set, then going to your favorite grocery store and buying the best steak, shrimp, chicken, cheese, vegetables, fruit, wine and chocolate they have, renting a movie and finish by hiring a band to play soft, romantic music while you eat at your own house.  All of which will still cost less than the restaurant.  Suggestion two is to say 'no'.

The Melting Pot: C-

* - Meaning, I've talked to a few people on a few random occasions.
** - Meaning, one in which they cook the food for you.
*** - Look at the line above this one.
**** - And time.

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