Sunday, November 25, 2012

What I'm Thankful For

What I'm Thankful For: This was going to be about how Thanksgiving is the only truly American holiday.[1]  But now it isn't.  In part because I just wasn't feeling it, but also because I wanted to talk about other things.

So instead I thought I would take the more traditional route and talk about what I'm most thankful for.  Don't worry, this isn't going to be a smarmy list of sappy sentimentalism.  Instead this is a slightly different take.  This is how I am so very thankful that the Pook puts up with me.[2]

To illuminate why this is maybe not such an easy thing, I present the following three bits of evidence.

1) I'm seriously grumpy in the morning and she doesn't really mind.  I'm not talking about normal levels of grumpy.  I mean super-mega-seriously-don't expect more than a grunt from me-levels of grumpiness.

The Pook on the other hand generally springs out of bed in the morning ready-to-go and full of pep.

She later told me that the first month or so that she got to experience this, she thought I was mad at her for something.  Every morning.

Typical morning conversation.  Me in shower.  Pook cheerfully doing whatever it is that Pooks do in the mornings cheerfully.

Pook: I thought tonight we could go out to eat and then to Target.
Me: . . .
Pook: We don't have to go to Target if you don't want to.
Me: . . .
Pook: We could stay home too.
Me: . . .

I'm quite the witty conversationalist.

2) I never notice anything.  Seriously, the world could end and I would miss it.  Last night I spent ten minutes searching everywhere in the bathroom for some medicine of mine and finally gave up in frustration.  She walked in and found it in half a second sitting in plain sight. [3]

A better example is given by this actual conversation:

Pook: Did you see that sign about [something I would be interested in] on the way to work?
Me: No?  Where did you see that?
Pook: It was in front of that house that is shaped like an igloo.
Me: There's a house shaped like an igloo?  Where?
Pook: Seriously? It's just around the corner from our subdivision.  We pass it every morning on the way to work.
Me: There's a house that's shaped like an igloo just around the corner?  Where?
Pook: It's just after that big swampy area.
Me: What big swampy area?

In my defense, we usually pass this way in the morning and I'm not exactly alive at that point. [4]

3) My dreams sometimes get the better of me and by way of collateral damage her too.

For instance, one time I dreamed there were giant spiders on the floor of the bedroom. [5]  When they started to come up onto the bed I started actually screaming out loud: GET OUT OF THE BED! GO! GO! GO!

The Pook jumped out of bed in what I assume is a state of pure panic and confusion.  Of course, at that point I had woken myself up as well and I said, "Oh. Never mind."

Another time, I was having this dream that I was hiding behind a slim post.  There was a "bad guy" coming up from the other side with a gun and for whatever reason he had yet to see me and I knew that as long as I stayed still he wouldn't see me.  However he was also getting closer and would eventually discover me no matter what I did.

There was a three foot section of 2x4 [6] leaning against the same post.  I knew that if I waited for the right moment he would get close enough.  Then if I was quick enough, I could grab the piece of wood and slam the bad guy with it.  Of course if I was too slow, he would shoot me.

I waited as he got ever nearer.  Then at the last second I sprung into action.  WHAM!!!  I got him!

The next morning as I was washing my hair in the shower, I suddenly thought to myself.  Did I slam my pillow into the Pook while she was sleeping?

It was all very fuzzy and vague.  Also, I'm not the most alive person in the mornings. [7]  I decided the best course of action would be to say nothing unless she did.

Almost immediately after I had finished the thought, the Pook suddenly stopped doing whatever it is that Pooks cheerfully do in the mornings cheerfully and said, "Did you slam me in the head with your pillow last night?"

Evidently, I had sprung up onto my knees.  Grabbed me pillow.[8]  And slammed it down onto her head.[9]  I then laid down and went back to sleep.

All I can say is thank goodness she's a world class sleeper.

Anyway, this is just a short list of the many ways that living with me ain't easy.

Thanks Pook.

The Pook Putting Up With Me: A+

[1] -  Yes, July 4th is our independence day, but lots of countries have independence days.  Only Thanksgiving is about eating too much and watching TV.
[2] - Betcha didn't see that one coming.
[3] - Or at least that's what she claims.
[4] - Refer to item 1 above.
[5] - Two to three foot across big hairy ones.
[6] - Big piece of lumber that would make a big club.
[7] - Refer to item 1 above.
[8] - Or 2x4 if you prefer.
[9] - Or onto the bad guy's if you prefer.

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